A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I wanted to know that if your 16 years old and your boyfriend is 17, and you guys have been together for a year and seven months but have known each other for three years. Should you be able to stay the night with him. My boyfriend lives an hour and a half away from me and I don't see him very much an this is the only way I can see him. But my mom is convince I'm to young but I just think she doesn't trust me. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 February 2012):
 Are you saying that you will be staying at your B/F's (family) home along with him AND HIS PARENTS (and siblings, if he has some)???? If so, then I'll assume that you would stay in a guest room, or a room with, say, his SISTER... and all would be OK....
IF you're talking about him having some sort of individual living arrangement... and you and he would be together, overnight, UNSUPERVISED.... then I can understand why your parents would say, "NO WAY".....
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 February 2012):
 "They did a study, and its been proven that teenager's hormones are wayyyyy too strong to control. "
First off there has never been a study in history, ever, that proves anything. Studies PROVE nothing. They show within a reasonable statistical margin (usually 95% certainty) that something is probable.
Second, I don't see how such a study could even be conducted. Could you link us to this study?
Third, no. Just no. If teenagers were literally incapable of keeping it in their pants no one would get through high school. No one is arguing for or against having sex. But expecting your mom to actively encourage you to be having sex is unreasonable. Get yourself on the pill, get some condoms, do it somewhere else. Ask your mom for help with contraception. But this isn't just about the sex, this about sex and a very grown up/serious relationship that your mom thinks you aren't ready for and you should listen to her.
I didn't bring a guy home/share a bed in my parents' house with a guy until I was 20 and even then only because we were/are a very serious couple and my parents are very open about this stuff.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): To fellow anonymous reader and poster of this response:
"They did a study, and its been proven that teenager's hormones are wayyyyy too strong to control."
Could you cite exactly whom "they" are and the specific issue of the specific medical journal in which the "study" appears?
"You may try as hard as you can (and I encourage you!) but even if you don't spend the night, ever, you will probably end up having sex. . . Things aren't always planned, they happen in the heat of the moment. Laws, celibacy, parental control, doesn't stop anyone."
Obviously none of that stopped YOU, but don't judge the world by your standards, or lack thereof.
To OP, listen to the consensus of opinion. Staying over at a boyfriend's far away from your home is a very bad idea and nothing good can come out of it.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 February 2012):
 If you are over the age of consent then by the law you're allowed to. But then again, as long as you live at home then its your parents house and your parents rules.
If I had a 16 year old daughter who had move out of home I'd not butt my nose in where she slept at night. That'd be on her. If I had a 16 year old daughter living at home I doubt Id want her sleeping over at her boyfriend or have her boyfriend stay at my home.
Grown ups aren't naive. We know what goes on when two teenagers sleep in the same bed, and you're naive too if you think you can sleep next to a boy and nothing will happen.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 February 2012):
 When I was 19 and had moved back home after a year away at college and went to see my boyfriend who my parents had met and knew I said I was going to spend the night and my parents who’s home I Lived in said NO it’s not proper for a young lady to spend the night at a man’s house… this was 1979 not 1959…. But my parents who paid all my bills and supported me said NO so I complied.
I think at 16 you think you know what you want and what’s proper but it’s your mom’s job to make the hard choices. She may trust you and not him.
What you should do is say ‘YES mom”
Maybe she will allow him to come stay at your place in your guest room.
An hour and half drive is nothing… some folks do that around here for a daily commute.
Meet him halfway between and have a lovely date…
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 February 2012):
 Kudos to your mom, we need more like her.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 February 2012):
 No you should not be allowed, not at 16. And particlarly for the reason you have given, i.e. a distance of 1.5 hours. So ? haven't you got Saturdays and / or Sundays to spend together? Can't he place his backside on a bus or train , or bum a ride,( in case he has no car or driving licence yet ) , and shuttle back and forth ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): The fact of the matter is, celibacy and your mom not allowing you to spend the night won't stop anything. They did a study, and its been proven that teenager's hormones are wayyyyy too strong to control. You may try as hard as you can (and I encourage you!) but even if you don't spend the night, ever, you will probably end up having sex. It might not be with him, but that day will come. So go on the pill. Things aren't always planned, they happen in the heat of the moment. Laws, celibacy, parental control, doesn't stop anyone. So be prepared with the pill.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): It doesn't matter what we think, only what she thinks and she's made her mind up about this.
Are you even the legal age of consent in your state? Because if you're not then she can't justify allowing you to stay over on legal grounds anyway.
It's not about trust OP, not really anyway, you can promise until the cows come home that you won't get sexual with him but you will, of course you will and if you don't plan on being sexual with him then you don't need to stay over night.
You've seen the opinion of the other parents here, some parents are actually okay about letting their kids sleep together and spend nights with each, your mom is not and while you live with her, her rules apply.
She's not being unfair, she's not trying to make you unhappy, she's trying to protect you and that's what mothers do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): I strongly disagree with all of you!
Im show your mum you are mature by putting yourself on the pill.
I was 17, my ex was 20 and my parents had a rule where he was only allowed to sleep at mine, not me sleep at his, we were only allowed to sleep together in the same bed when my parents were not present at the house, therfor it had to be seperate rooms when they were at the house.
Try talking to your mum and corporating what i have said to your mum.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): "Okay so I wanted to know that if your 16 years old and your boyfriend is 17, and you guys have been together for a year and seven months but have known each other for three years. Should you be able to stay the night with him."From a guy old enough to be your grandfather and a former perpetually horny 17-year-old boy: No. Never. Under absolutely no circumstances should a 16-year-old girl ever be allowed to spend the night with her 17-year-old boyfriend. That's how a naive 16-year-old girl with a boyfriend becomes a knocked-up 16-year-old girl with an ex-boyfriend who has a new non-pregnant girlfriend and then a clueless unprepared impoverished unmarried 17-year-old mother raising her unplanned kid alone without any emotional or financial support from the kid's long-gone father, almost always putting the burden of the actual day-to-day care of the kid on clueless unprepared impoverished unmarried 17-year-old mother's mother. "But my mom is convince I'm to young but I just think she doesn't trust me. What should I do?"Listen to your mother. You are too young but that doesn't mean she doesn't trust you. She just doesn't trust any perpetually horny 17-year-old boy to keep it in his pants and not sweet-talk you into bed, nor should she.You don't mention your father's opinion, may be jumping to conclusions but I assume that means he's not in the picture, if so your mother is probably trying to protect you from making same mistake(s) she did at your age. Listen to your mother.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 February 2012):
You're 16! Of course your mom won't let you spend the night with your boyfriend. You're a minor!
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female
reader, katiekate +, writes (10 February 2012):
 That's how a lot of teens become "teen moms". There is absolutely no need for you two to be spending the night together. You have your whole adult life to do whatever you want. Enjoy your childhood before it's gone! Trust me!!!!
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female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (10 February 2012):
 Sorry to burst your bubble, but I personally would not allow my daughter to spend the night at her boyfriend's until she was at least 18. Then, she'd be considered an adult, but even then I wouldn't be too sure. There's always the risk and temptation of doing something you're going to regret the next day.
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female
reader, Deagan +, writes (10 February 2012):
 If I had a 16 year old daughter, I would not let her spend the night with her boyfriend, and I wouldn't care how long they were dating.
Your mom has your best interests in mind. She knows exactly what 17 year old boys are thinking. It's not that she doesn't trust you, she doesn't trust any boy to be near her child. That's because it is a parent's job to be protective of their child.
My daughter would have no business spending the night at her boyfriend's house while she is living under my roof.
Respect the fact that your mom cares about you. And she is right, you are too young. So listen to her.
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