A
female
age
51-59,
*ennifer_699
writes:HiCan you please help me:I have a boyfriend of 9 years, we have lived together for 7 years. I have three children who are now 17,18 and 19 years old. I have my own business for 6 years now; which has been very good but is getting harder.When my boyfriend moved in at first he said that he couldnt live in my first house because it was too smal, although it was a three bedroom house. We didnt move to his house because it would have meant moving the children from school, and for my boyfriend it was only a 25 minute drive tohis work and back. So we rented a big farmhouse.£1200.00 per month. He paid £500.00 and i paid £700.00. I paid for all bills and food, and for all furniture, bedding etc..and made it a lovely home. we then had to move out of this house after two years and rented another bungalow; in the mean time he rented his property and i rented mine. so our rents were paying for our accomodation although i was still paying for all bills including his council tax. When we moved to the bungalow it was £650.00 per month. He paid me £325.00 and I paid the other half and all bills, food etc and anything else that we needed. He also has his own business and another property that he rents out and has thousands invested that he keeps very secret from me. Whilst we had been renting together for four years I was always looking for property to buy as he always said that we could buy a house together and just rent our two other houses out or sell mine. It was always me who house hunted and viewed, and it was always him who said it was too much money etc.... I then one day had enough and said that I would extend my house and remortgage to pay for the extension and arranged for the house to get gutted. I arranged everything, I paid for everything. I was paying for my mortgage and the rent and the bills for 12 months, and all he paid for was half his rent, of £325.00 at the bungalow. We had moved into my house when it was completed and for the first 6 months he didnt offer to pay anything!!! it wasnt until i said that it was time that he did that he offered to pay me £400.00 per month for his contribution. My mortgage is £1500.00 per month and I pay all the bills and food for 5 adults. His view is that 'why should he pay for my three children that is their fathers job'. this is fine and I would never expect him to pay for anything and he never has. My home is lovely; it has a big garage, i gutted the whole house had newof everything. Its like a brand new 5 bedroomed house. Its worth £380000.00, my mortgage is now £300,000.00. I have made a will, and have the mortgage protection etc...I have everything in place.My boyfriend has nothing in place, no will, he has no mortage as he paid this off whilst we were living together. He has all of his post delivered to his work; his own business, he has thousands of savings all over the place that I dont know of? Is this normal after a long term relationship?? People say I am stupid? Am I?? What should he really pay towards living with me? When ever we used to go on family holidays; i pay for me and the three children and he would only pay for himself? going out for meals just the two of us; he always pays.I pay for my own car and he pays for his.. Its the actual living together and having that reposibility together that I would like to share; but I dont like to ask for his money; I would love for him to want to do it. Is this normal. can someone please tell me what this man should be contributing towards living in a lovely house and with my family? He keeps saying that he would love to buy a big 5 bedroomed house but always looks in the paper but has never placed an offer. He actually placed his house on the market last year without even telling me? is that normal. I need someone please to help me with this.
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female
reader, Knight_in_White_Satin +, writes (26 July 2009):
 If you want him to contribute then your going to have to ask him, as it is clearhe is never going to offer to contribute otherwise, personally I thinkhe sounds a bit like the character Scrooge from a christmas carol, he's hording all his money and seems loath to give more than he can get away with.I'd advise that you ask him to pay half the rent and at least 1/5th of the bills minimum,afterall he live there too and uses the facilities.What worries me is your acquiescence in all this. Why should you pay for the bills? if he loves and wants you he should accept that your kids come into the bargain. Why should you sell your house and him keep his, what makes his place so special?? I think there may be more to his unwillingness than meets the eye, you need to talk about this properly with him and explore everything you've mentioned here. Hope this helps and I haven't offended you. Knight xx
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