| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi,First of all, let me say I've always been quite the insecure/jealous girl. Like when I had a crush on a guy, I'd get jealous if he'd talk to my friends more. Or when my sister got prizes at school, and I got nothing, etc.I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. He was my first boyfriend. Before him all I had were random hook-ups. I lost my virginity to him though.He's older than me, so yes, he had a girlfriend before me to whom he lost his virginity to. She also lost her virginity to him. So it was all special for them, I guess, blah, blah.I've seen her, she's prettier than me and she's also very smart and seems like she's a lot of fun. They were together for like a year. However, in the beginning, he told me they had dated officiallt for like just 3 months. Then he told me that before that, they had dated casually for like 4 months. Then, a few days ago, I learned that after they broke up, they had an on/off relationship for another 5 or 6 months until she left town.Now, she cheated on him with his best friend and he forgave her, because he still liked her after what she'd done to him (the slut...). Yet, he's had a lot of issues with my past (my very mild past!) and because I lied a couple of times about it, and he has not forgiven me! Yet he forgave her... he cared so much about her even after she CHEATED on him! I've always been faithful, very faithful and he has not forgiven me for a couple of lies about things I did before I met him? Yet he forgave a cheater?I hate her, and I bring her up every time he brings up my past. Yet he gets all angry, says I have no right to complain... he says he's endured all the lies and deception, so I have no right to ask about his ex. He also thinks I've idealized her too much, but can you blame me? I need to know how to stop this jealousy I feel towards this woman.
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best friend, broke up, crush, his ex, insecure, jealous, lost my virginity Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2009): If you lied to him, say your sorry. If he said he forgives you, obviously he hasn't cos he keeps bringing it up. If however, you keep bringing up her mistakes and not being sorry for your own, of course he is going to get mad/angry. You remind me kind of of my mom. She violated my boundaries and then said well ur husband did such and such. Trust me, trying to make others look bad only makes you look worse. Plus you call her names, and you don't even know her as a person.Tell him to stop bringing up your past. Sometimes he might bring it up for a reason, such as why he's still having a hard time trusting you. Just because he forgave her doesn't mean he fully trusted her either after what she did. But if he's bringing up your past just to hurt you or stir things up, and he refuses to stop doing this, I think it's best that you move on, even if it is difficult since he was your first.
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