A
male
age
30-35,
*ustaguy999
writes:Hey there aunts and uncles of Dear Cupid. I have a sort of problem from an argument i had yesterday with my girlfriend. She said that if i really loved her i should/would want to change some aspects of my behaviour to make her happy, but i argued that if she really loved me then she shouldn't/wouldn't want me to change. Is this reasonable?The things she wanted were for me to see less of my friends and to stop going out to clubs and stuff as much and for me to be more romantic, even though i think i am already. Who is right? I've tried talking to her since but she refuses to talk to me unless i change and do something romantic to 'win her back'. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, lmata003 +, writes (15 September 2010):
honestly, i think shes being a bit unfair and demanding. if she really feels that way she needs to give u the chance to at least discuss this. not give u ultimatums. thats completely unhealthy. cuz then u feel like u have no choice. i know this is late lol but hopefully u worked it out by now. try to tell her that relationships go both ways.. not her give her demands and then she leaves u in a 'take it or leave it' situation.
A
female
reader, claireleatherdale  +, writes (9 September 2008):
 ok get where your girlfriend is coming from on this one coz i had the same arguement with my husband.i'll let you in on a secret the only reason she's gone mental about this is because she wants more time with you...being romantic doesn't take loads of money just sit in with her and give her a cuddle while she's watching tv (even if u hate the programe) or do what i do have a date night where it's just u and her u don't go anywhere u turn ur mobiles off have a nice meal watch 2 films one ur choice one hers and no sex unless she wants it remember on a date night it's about getting close emotionaly not physicaly when you go clubbing tell her 2 go clubbing with her mates 2 then meet up near the end of the night and go home together then that way she's getting the love she needs and u haven't made much of a change to how you were 2 begin with hope this helps
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2008): You gotta give a little, to get a little.
Go clubbing once every two weeks (three if you have a smart bone in you). Just over-all be a little more interested in your girlfriend, doing things for her because you can, rather than because you have to.
Start going out to dinners and BBQ's with friends. This is what adults do. Time to start growing up, kid.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (9 September 2008):
 You shouldn't have to change yourself.
I think this has to do with modifying some of your behaviors to make a relationship work.
Relationship is give and take, and if you are always taking and not giving then it is unbalance.
Three times a week does sound kind of excessive. what you need to do is sit down with her and reach a compromise where both of you feels happy. Give her attention but also let her know it is important for you to go out with your friends. If you made the time for her and made her feel special, then she wouldn't mind you hanging out with your friends. communication and compromise is the key here.
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A
male
reader, justaguy999 +, writes (9 September 2008):
justaguy999 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well we've been going out for a year and a half now and i go clubbing maybe three times a fortnight. She doesn't see her friends as much as i do though, but i've never given her reason to mistrust me. Apart from when i go clubbing and out with my mates i spend all my time with her, and we're always in constant contact so there is no reason for her to mistrust me in that sense. I have considered cutting down on clubbing and changing a bit but i just thought that in my opinion, if you love someone you love them with all their flaws included. Also, i feel bad that she is using the fact that i love her to try and force me to change. I really do love her but that shouldn't be something to be abused.
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (9 September 2008):
 I guess it depends how long you've been together, if you've ever given her reason to mistrust you, how serious you two are, how much she sees her friends, how excessive your clubbing is, etc, etc. If you don't want to change, you won't, so there's no point continuing the argument. Just tell her flat out that you're not interested in changing your behavior and she can take it or leave it. If she wants to be with you, she will accept your flaws, and if she finds your flaws to be too much to handle, I imagine she will move along and find someone she is more compatible with.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2008): yeah man! make the small changes for her. keep her sweet. Thats what its all about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2008): are you serious about this girl- if so- yeah sure-you could make a few adjustments-make time for her- take her on dates and compliment her--to be honest most girls expect this from their men- so even if you was going to dump her- expect the same from the next girl!!!you have to give a little-to receive a little!!!if youre serious about her- make them small changes! :)shes not telling you to completly stop seeing your friends...maybe shes just feeling a little insecure and wants you to make her a prioraty?!good luck and god blessfriend xxx
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