A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Was this wrong? I only meant to check my purse, did not mean to be rude?!?Went out to dinner last night witha friend i dont often see.. We talked while we ate, as people do. After eating she was talking,i WAS listening but quickly checked my purse to check my cash, to pay, it was 2-3 seconds i looked away. She stopped talking and said " are you ok" i found this patronising.. I said " yes, just checking" and conversation continued, no problem, we left not long after and then after walking around half hour we said goodbye. I wont see her for months now, shes very, very busy. Did i mess up? Maybe i should've waited to check purse but it was only 3 seconds.Sorry if i offended her!I do not have aspergers nor a disability!Im quieter but okBut an aquaintance said i was weird for this. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (11 September 2016):
 Lord no that's not weird!! If my friends got butt hurt over such petty things, I'd reconsider the friendship.
It's one thing to be on your phone or distracted the entire time, and another to check your purse for 3 seconds.
No, this should absolutely NOT be a big deal.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2016): In my opinion you were not rude at all. I am constantly out lunch and dinner meetings with business clients as well out with close friends that I see often and those that I see not so often like you. I've never seen anyone sit staring in wait for a sentence to end in order to make a move! This is a ridiculous thought. You quickly glanced in your purse, were still listening and I'm confident were nodding or doing the uh huh as you did this. It was a quick 1-3 second span, even if it were 5 seconds... it happened one time throughout the evening, and the rest of the reason was all hers. You have no reason to be guilted by someone, you were checking your purse quickly so as to make certain you had money for the check. It's not like you were organizing your purse, sending a text or making out a shopping list, which I have seen done before in all reality. Don't give this a second thought, seems to me whoever gave you an issue about this may be a little jealous of you and trying to make themselves feel better by being so petty, I've seen that many times too, don't fall for it. You're cool. :0)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 September 2016):
 It depends.
If it was just a 3 seconds glance, then it's a non issue, she can't have taken offence. She would not even have noticed !
But ,tbh, if she noticed, I doubt that it was just 3 secs, maybe your assessment of time is not quite correct.
3 seconds ? Say : Mississippi-one, Mississippi - two, Mississippi- three.... that's three seconds. See how fast it goes ? I can't even snap my purse open in 3 seconds, let alone check the content, and count my cash...
I think, that absentmindedly you may have started rummaging in your purse and breaking eye contact for a time long enough to make your companion notice that your attention was elsewhere , and make her think that there was something urgent to preoccupy your mind and distract you. In this light the " are you ok ? " is not patronizing, she may have thought honestly that you were worried about having lost something, or forgotten home something . I think she was kind to ask, actually. You see a person getting distracted and starting fiddling with things, and you ask if everything it's ok- not because you are such a big shot that people has to drink from your lips when you talk, but because in general when people is engaged in conversation and suddenly they start moving things around and such, they have something urgent on their mind.
Give her the benefit of doubt, I think she was neither offended , nor she meant to patronize you. She just literally wanted to know if everything was ok with you and your purse.
Mind you : I do not mean at all that when you are talking to a friend you need to stare at her unblinkingly, you can't move, you can't touch things. You do whatever comes narmal and natural, if it needs to be done. If you need to blow your nose you blow your nose, if it's too warm you take off your jacket, if you have to pay obviously you take your wallet out, and so on and so forth.
But if you have to do stuff that requires an obvious , substained (i.e., more than just few seconds ) refocusing of your attention on other objects than your companion, it's better that you wait for this companion to finish talking, or else you say : Please hold that thought, I need to check something or to look for something.. etc.etc.
It's not even a matter of being rude , it's just that many people find it distracting when their interlocutor fidgets, and they lose their train of thoughts. Or ,think the fidgeter is bored or nervous, so they wonder , like your friend, if everything is OK.
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