A
male
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anonymous
writes:Question #1I met a woman on an online dating service. She suggested we should meet up for coffee and I agreed and suggested a time and place. When we finished she said she would go to the restroom while I took care of the bill. She didn’t offer to help with the bill as she quite obviously had her expectations. Q #1 Is this normal? I always make my intentions clear when I want to “take a woman out” or “treat her” but when we are “meeting up” especially a stranger with whom I have no relation, my intentions are different.Question #2She returned downstairs finding me paying the casher after I decided that the amount was really too trivial to get worked up about but I was now racking my brain as to what was going through her mind. The second question mark scorched above my head when she didn’t thank me after I paid. Any thoughts on this? As we left the coffee shop I tried justifying this by reasoning that maybe she’s was a nervous meeting me (and she was a little shy at first), but I had a hard time doing so.I have never experienced anything like this in my past relationship as we usually met casually before a relationship developed. I am not interested in becoming this woman’s sugar daddy and I expect to be treated with respect. We had a great time over coffee but my interest and the attraction plummeted after this. Consequently, I do not plan on pursuing this relationship but I would appreciate a “reality check” and a woman’s perspective in case I’m way off on this one.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): hehe I am from Iran, and in Iran no matter its the 1st date, 2nd, or 100th, the guy pays the bill; oh and a thank you shouldn't be expected either. well I kinda like it that way anyways, it would certainly upset me if a female tried to spend money on anything in my company
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your thoughtful insights. I really appreciate it! It's hard to see things objectively when you're in a situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): I think that some women would expect for the guy to pay on any dates if they are coming from a traditional angle however manners wouldn't cost them anything so the fact that she had none would ring a little bell for me.
Personally, most people in the world no longer follow tradition and I would always offer to pay my way - if the guy insisted on paying then that would be fine but I would be sure to thank them and offer to pay next time.
Its your call on this one, If things like manners are important to you then perhaps this girl is not for you. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): My man would fight me to the death to pay for a date...and most guys have specifically told me 'I'm paying, you just relax and order what you want.'
Color me old-fashioned in this sense. But really, whoever pays, it doesn't matter.
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (14 May 2008):
 Most women would offer to pay halves. If she is expecting it on a first date - beware!!!
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (13 May 2008):
 Good God lucky you never took her out for an expensive meal with champagne. I think it was very bad mannered of her not to say thank you, if that was me I would have said 'next time its my shout'.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): that is totally rude, I always, still, pay half of things with my bf (of 2 years...) unless he makes it clear that he's taking me out. And sometimes I take him out and pay it all!
Im a woman, I want equality and fairness in a relationship and in the world, and Im not going to expect any less. And that is especially true when it comes to money. If women want equal salaries to men, then we have to pull our own share of the financial burdens... honestly, your lady was rude and is living in some sort of archaic mind frame...
and shes really rude for not saying thank you! I mean, I still always thank by bf and truely mean it, when he takes me out. I apprecieate it!!
Ok, theres my rant. Women need to stop acting like damsels in distress if they dont want to be treated like that the rest of the time! :-D
Rant over lol!
Hope that helps a bit... in my opinion, shes way out of line!
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (13 May 2008):
 I'm not a woman but she sounds rude or shy...probably rude though. Nobody should expect anything. Actually, she can expect what she likes but she's not entitled to anything. Not saying thanks is not great either. Having said that, I'd give her a second chance in case this was a case of bad nerves. Test her. The next time you go out, if she makes no effort to pay anything, put your half on the table. She will have no choice but to cover her part. If she is that cheap, you're losing nothing. In the end, some people are old fashioned and expect to be wined and dined by the man. I find it cheap.
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A
female
reader, peppersalt +, writes (13 May 2008):
I think on a first date people should assume to pay for what they ate/drank/did unless one person offers to take care of it all, then it's upto them to sort out if that's okay or not. I'd never go into a date situation expecting the guy to pay for me, if he insisted that it was on him then I'd make sure to treat him next time. It seems she has very old fashioned ideas and maybe a bit of a 'daddy's princess' mindset.
And whether she thinks men should pay or not, to not say thanks is unbelievably rude!
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