A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a girlfriend of about 17 months now and I love her very much. She is about 2 years younger than me and grew up in the city while I grew up in a small town, two completely different settings. She was the pretty girl in high school that probably could have had any guy she wanted. Should it bother me with how many different guys she has slept or had sex with in the past or am I just being greedy and selfish? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): @male anon who posted on February 14th
I understand these are emotions, but what I'm trying to make him understand is that she chose him over those guys from her past, so he has nothing to worry about in the future. And that should help him forget the past. I was also just trying to make him realize that while yes, it may hurt to think about her past, he needs to move on from it because dwelling on it is only going to make him feel worse possibly to the point where he won't be able to stay with her. And that's no good. I guess what I was more trying to say is there's no point in working on destroying a perfectly good relationship over stuff that happened in her past before they met each other, especially since the past can't be changed.
I'm sorry I didn't make that more clear before, I'm not always good at wording things the right way.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): These are emotions, not decisions. Asking someone "what's the point of being bothered about the past?" is like asking a person with a broken leg what is the point of feeling pain from it. The pain is going to be there, like it or not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): I'm a bit confused. Do you actually know for a fact she's slept with a lot of guys in the past, or are you just thinking about what might have happened because of how attractive she is?
And even if she has been with a lot of people, she couldn't have thought any of them were all that great in the end, otherwise she'd still be with one of them.
She chose you, just focus on that and I think you'll start to feel better. After all, everyone has regrets about their past (if she did indeed sleep around a lot she probably regrets it at least a little), but we can't go back in time and change our mistakes, so what's the point in dwelling on them?
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (14 February 2011):
 if she bothered,u'd be like "damn why cant she look at the present? i am with her now...why would she care about my past?"
Question answered.
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (14 February 2011):
if she bothered,u'd be like "damn why cant she look at the present? i am with her now...why would she care about my past?"
Question answered.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): It's called retroactive jealousy. Its one of the most common problems people have. You just may not be familiar with it because political correctness says you aren't supposed to feel this way. Popular opinion holds that premarital and casual sex should be harmless and consequence-free later.
(Yes of course any idiot can see the problems with this. But the people getting most hurt by it are morally-conscious males. Women don't really care about those guys until they're older. Nice guys finish last.)
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): Please don't start making up stories in your mind about her past. I am going through this problem with my boyfriend who I love so much and it makes me so sad.. The past does not matter.. whatever it was, what really matters at the end of the day is what you have now, what you share and how good you are together. Relationships are complicated already.. don't start looking for things to complicate it even more.. and the more you think about it, the worst it will get.
Enjoy what you have, be proud of having such a beautiful girl that everybody would wanna be with, and that she chose you! :)
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A
female
reader, HKR29  +, writes (13 February 2011):
No. Although it does create insecurities if you've had fewer sexual partners, as long as she is trustworthy and treats you well you shouldn't let it bother you! Her number probably isn't as bad as you think!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): I hope my response can help to address your concern, and although I believe that my advise will be able to help, however the only person who should really be able to answer this question is you, yourself.It's a little silly to be greedy of the past as you can control your greed, but not the past. She won't be able to change what has already happened any easier than you would.As far as being selfish goes, you may consider what she has to be selfish of from you. You pointed out that you've each come from different backgrounds, and perhaps you felt that related to your question because what you're actually considering is the future.Strong relationships will need to be build on a foundation of understanding and communication. That hot girl who's currently dating you, is possibly still someone that you're settling for...Build up the courage to confront what you're offering and live for what's going on now.Remember what she's trying to have you listen to from her, and then act like you didn't just hear her, because the only reason you'll consider to listen to her is if you're able to respect her for who she is.If you're able to respect yourself enough to be happy no matter what the outcome is, then you won't be bothered by the past.
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