A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I want a child. I put child because I mean it; I want to be a Mum. I'm 20, so if I say Baby people will think I'm some young kid that just likes the thought of not working and having someone to cuddle... I recently asked my boyfriend and he said he'd love to have a baby with me; but he's like to get his work steady first. Which is fair enough, and makes me feel so safe that he wants a good environment for our child. He is also 20, so not an older boyfriend like most young Mums have. But we've been together since we were 16, which thse days is good! Anyway, how do I get this feeling to calm down? It's literally breaking my heart at the thought of waiting. I am so in love with my boyfriend, but I'm just worried that this want of a good buisness is going to take years and I don't think I can wait that long. Is there anyway I could persuade him, or am I just being way too selfish. Which is possibly the right thing, so please someone. How the hell do I shift this feeling? And please don't give me any suggestions like a puppy... I WANT A CHILD! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, maddiee-maii +, writes (17 February 2011):
20 is not to young
but it is a mutral desion
why not instead of trying to prevent a baby just let nature take its cause and it will happen when ment to...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): I would say concentrate on all the things in life that are great when you are young and go once you have children. Going out without getting a babysitter. Going on trips, travel. Have time for you. You don't realise it until you have a baby, but the time of them being a small baby is brief. A year on they are little children with needs and demands, as lovely as they are, your life is not your own anymore. So try to enjoy just being young and then you will be more than ready in a few years to be a mother.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): If you're mature and responsible enough to have and look after a child, as you claim to be, then you should already realise the only option IS to wait.
If you're saying that you simply cannot wait and you must have a baby right now, despite the fact you won't be giving it the best chance and start in life, then you are incredibly selfish and whether you like it or not, come across as very immature.
I am not judging you on age at all, and if you were a 30yr old and were saying 'I want a child but can't afford to support it just yet but want one anyway' then I'd be giving exactly the same advice and would be pretty worried about how responsible a person you were in general.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): I'd like to say that 20 is more than old enough to have a child. In fact it is only in the last 20 years that it has even seen as being young.
As far as I'm concerned once you turn 18, you are as ready as you are ever going to be.
There is precious little difference between raising a kid at 25 or at 18. It's still difficult, no matter what you do.
Children are not a commodity to be so extensively planned. A little preparation, yes. But to plan it down to the molecule is just plain missing the point of procreation.
Most babies are born out of passion and accident anyway.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (13 February 2011):
 I know the hormones are very strong at the moment, but you need to try focussing on something else.
At the moment your boyfriend wants to focus on his work, getting a good career and building a stable job. That is a very responsible thing for one so young.
Do you work? or are you at University? Does he have a job that would support you and a baby at the moment?
You have been together since you were 16, but then you were children. You have only been together as adults for 2 years, a total of 4. If you have a child, you will be tied to this man for another 18+. Do you live together? Do you rent? Have you got your own house? Do you have any plans about getting married? Or making a long term commitment to each other. Can you afford to pay rent, bills, etc as well as all the stuff needed for a baby. Even couples with two good salarys struggle.
I know you desperately want a baby, but you are still YOUNG! 20 is no age! Live a little first. Enjoy being a couple first. Once you have a child, it will never just be you and him again. Baby will always have to come first. At 20, your boyfriend is not ready yet. He is still a baby himself. Be strong. You will have a family when everyone is ready.
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