A
female
age
41-50,
*ibob
writes:Hello everyone,I have a big crush for someone. He's a Police Inspector and he helps me in my work. Well, I'm not in the police sector but my work consists of prosecuting environmental offences. I never intended it and never wanted it, it just happened. At first, I did not feel anything for him. I think he started it first as I noticed that he likes to look at me. Now I don't know if I am looking into things too much or imagining things. Maybe this has nothing to do with me. His office is on the second floor and on the ground floor, they usually take complaints. On the ground floor, they can see all people who are walking and passing by. During lunch time, when I go out and pass there, I would see him there. He would smile and look at me. However, this does not mean that he likes me. I want to approach him but I don't know how. I don't have the courage to tell him face to face what I've been feeling. So, I thought of writing him a letter. It sounds childish and stupid. So, before doing so, I would like to have your advice whether writing a letter sounds good or it's too stupid. Thanks
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female
reader, tibob +, writes (25 August 2013):
tibob is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you very much for your great answers. Fatherly advice, you are right, I don't want to approach him as I'm afraid that he says no and this will hurt me. According to all of you, writing a letter sounds creepy and preteen. I agree with you. If I put myself in his place and receive a letter from a guy who did not have the courage to approach me, I would find it creepy too and I won't have much esteem for him. So, eventually, I will gather my courage and let him know that I'm interested. I will try to seduce him. I'm quite good at this. If he responds, it will be great and if not, then at least I've tried and I will have no regrets.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 August 2013):
 Is he married? Are you? If you can say yes to either, then I suggest you keep your crush/fantasy to yourself. If you don't know if he is married, then I suggest you discretely find out.
I would NOT write a letter, IF he is NOT married I would take the time to get to know him. Asking him out for coffee or share lunch might be a way to go about it.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (24 August 2013):
 tibob,
What a nice story. Like many people you are reluctant to expose yourself to rejection. It is a fine line. In many cultures it is up to the man to make the first move, so women are even more discouraged from making their feelings known.
My advice assumes that it would not be inappropriate for you two to date considering your working together. I also don't know your culture.
First don't write a letter. Generally that is going to give him a creepy feeling rather than peak his interest. If you must pass a note it should only have your phone number on it. In other words the note idea sounds very junior high (preteen).
A good idea is to talk to him about something else. When you pass on your way to lunch, ask if you can get him anything. Things like that. increasing your contact with him gives him more opportunities to make a first move on you. He may have to tell you that he is not available. If so try not to take it as a personal rejection. He may continue to be friendly and not move forward towards a relationship. In that case you will need to be more aggressive. Asking him out for coffee or ice cream is a good step. It would give you time away from work to discuss if a relationship is a possibility.
Good luck, be brave!
FA
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (24 August 2013):
 It's only my opinion but I don't think a letter expressing your feelings is a good idea.
You don't really know him that well and what if he doesn't feel the same way about you and showed the people he worked with? It could be very embarrassing. If he does like you, it could scare him off as it could be a little too intense.
Why don't you write him a short note inviting him for a coffee (or something else equally low key). You can be very laid back about it as you're just being friendly.
If he takes you up on the offer and you have a drink together and start to talk, you'd get a better idea of who he is, if he's available and should have a better idea as to whether he's interested in you too.
If he doesn't take you up on your offer it may be that he's in a relationship already or just doesn't see you that way. If this is the case you will have saved yourself a heck of a lot of embarrassment.
I hope this helps xxx
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