A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for 11 years now with 3 children, but recently my husband has not been taking any notice of me we barely talk, hardly ever have sex or even do things as a family. 4 weeks ago i met a new man but he lives a plane ride away, he is a kind, warm and very loving towards me. I have never been happier, we talk together for a minium of 3 hours a night by yahoo chat, my husband doesn't even ask what i am doing for so long. What should i do leave my husband and start a new life with my kids and new man, or try to work things out with my husband and forget about the other man. HELP!!!!!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): Hi, I feel about the same way except that I don't have anyone else on the side. I wish sometimes I did but I don't have the guts to "cheat" on my husband even if it is only online or on the phone.
We have drifted apart so much that about the only communication we do is fight and argue. On top of all the "regular" marital problems we add that he I am 7 months pregnant and he is an alcoholic. I am stressed all the time and he is drunk almost every night.
i don't believe in drinking to have a good time and see his addiction as a weakness. so what to do??? Like I said I don't have anyone else and I don't think I ever want to get remarried or date for my son's sake (unborn son).
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (9 October 2007):
 Hi,
You really need to think about what you are doing. Spending hours on the computer each night is not going to solve your relationship problems, in fact its probably exacerbating them.
Maybe you and your husband have reached a stage in your relationship where you have simply drifted apart and that has driven you to seek solace on the internet.
You dont even mention whether you have actually met this gentleman. I would assume ( given he lives a long way away ) that you havent. Will he really be prepared to give up his life to take on a married woman with 3 children? Your husband may fight you for custody ( and he might have a fair chance of custody given that you are the offending party ).
My advice therefore, is try counselling and advise your internet buddy that you are going to give your family one more go, if you cant repair your relationship then you should consider seperation. You should be concerned with the welfare of your children first.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2007): Work things out with your husband definately exhaust all efforts before jumping the fence, the grass is not always greener on the otherside, things with this new man are exciting and fun, and that is definately because its NEW.... in time that newness will wear off, flaws of his own will show and you will have to work thru them..... So why not, shut off your computer and focus on your family and husband work things out or at least try to for the sake of all you have invested in the relationship.... seperate for a short period of time if need be and give both you and him time apart..(without seeing other people) and find yourselves first ...... do some soul searching without another man in the picture..... cause he may not always be there for you......
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A
male
reader, djjazzyjeff +, writes (8 October 2007):
Don't give up on your husband. You will regret it, you have 3 lovely children, get counceling, do wahetever you need but make sure things work! Yahoo chat is one thing but it's not reality. Try and remember what bought you two together in the first place. Good luck!!
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (8 October 2007):
 I bet every time you hear a noise in your car, you toss it aside and buy a new one.
Three hours a night on the computer, I wouldn't be trying to talk to you either. It's great how computers work. The new song that came out here in the US "Myspace". It talks about being one person in real life, but on the computer you can create whatever identity you choose to. Have you met this person in person? There are so many people who fall for others over the internet, then they get into the relationship finding out, that perfect person is such a piece of crap.
You have three children. If it takes some work on your part, talking to your husband, solving issues, rebuilding this life you were married into, that's what you should do. It's not just your life you're affecting it's the lives of your kids that are affected as well. What do they deserve? Parents who work things out, or parents who bail when something happens. I'll tell you without really knowing someone in person, there's no way I'd introduce my kids to someone and take that risk.
I heard someone say yesterday on the radio, that makes sense. When you divorce your husband, you're really divorcing your children. Because instead of toughing some situations out, you're willing to have your kids only half the time or 3/4 of the time. You're your saying "my personal desire is worth not having you for at least 1/4 of your growing up."
I'd work things out, because that's what marriage is about, a partnership and if something doesn't work as planned, change it, don't ditch or bail from it. Your relationship doesn't seem as if it's completely beyond repair. This time, don't take the easy way out, you benefit much more for what you work for.
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