A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How bad an idea is it to wait for a friendship with someone to progress to more than friends? We've known each other a year but a few months ago it seems that a mutual attraction developed between us.You know you have really strong feelings for them and the feelings only continue to grow stronger. But you aren't sure if they really feel the same way. And you will never feel comfortable asking them. In fact that is not an option.How do you deal with this situation? Do you stay friends forever hoping they will care about you the same way one day? Do you end your friendship because the uncertainty and the up's and down's are killing you slowly?For example, things they say or do from one day to the next always give you hope to hang onto. And it could be false hope. There is a lot of flirting going on back and forth and he is giving me the long and lingering looks. I feel like he has more than friendship on his mind but he hasn't made any moves. One day he is all over me and then the next day he is cool and pulls away. The hot and cold of his behaviour, not knowing how he will act towards me from one day to the next has become totally unbearable. I feel like I am always having to protect my heart. And I ask myself why am I putting myself through this?Anyone else have the same experience? Any words of wisdom on how to get through it and what to do? It is so hard because you don't want to lose this person because you are such good friends and get along well and have great laughs and chemistry together. But at the same time how long can you be led on? Does he even know he is leading me on? The feelings only grow and I am afraid that I am setting myself up for heartbreak. Well it is too late for that. I am already heartbroken. I am on the verge of making a decision to walk away from the friendship.Please help.
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female
reader, Beaniepants +, writes (23 February 2012):
 This sounds like how me and my guy were...we're about to have our two year anniversary :o) He was kind of in a position that I knew to give him some time to adjust to the idea- he had been thru some personal hell and hadn't been with someone for years. So as we became friends, I could feel my heart just fall...we became closer friends, and I wondered like you. It was really hard sometimes, but I didn't feel right in that situation "making the move" I wanted to know for *sure* it was coming from him.
So what was the catalyst? Space. I was driving myself crazy, like you...I thought he was attracted and "liked" me as more than friends- but I couldn't be sure. It had been about a year of being close friends. When it became too much, I kind of got busy. I worked late, had time with girlfriends, my mom...you get the idea. I wouldn't immediately respond to texts...give it some time, because you're busy, right? Then be as cool and sweet as you always are to him. If he starts asking why he doesn't see you as much, just a "I'm pretty busy lately...sorry! I'll see ya soon!" :o)
Get him to miss you. Get him to chase you some.
My guy started pestering me to come see him again. Even giving me "I won't take no for an answer! Come hang out with me!" When I did, he was happy to see me...and he beamed. Within about two more times of being with him over the next couple weeks...he swooped in for the kiss. And the rest, they say, is history :o)
It wasn't a ploy on my part, but was me trying to protect my heart- like you probably need to. It just so happens that can ignite a guys "chase" instinct...he told me later he was well aware that another guy couldve swooped me up and it all of a sudden hit him to not let that happen. This guy pretty much has you all to himself...let him wonder what you're doing. With whom.
Hope this works out for you!! It makes for a better relationship when you're good friends first :o)
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