A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Would love some advice on this. My bf of 18 months and I broke up for a couple of weeks as he said he didn’t love me, just likes me alot. Having been apart for 2 weeks he says he has a lot more feelings for me than he thought and he wants me back. He says things will be different going forward and he will be making me a more important part of his life and opening up to me emotionally. He said if he tells me he loves me straightaway I wont believe him , so give him a bit of time. He has also said he knows I want to see more of him and things will be better than before. I do feel that perhaps I have let him be a bit vague, but he has reassured me that he is very sure of how he feels about me. We are back together but do I leave it there and wait and see, or should I try to talk my issues through in a bit more detail as I want to be sure how much he is prepared to put into the relationship going forward, but as he has told me he will be making more effort will this drive him away if I try to pin it down too much. Should I be patient and just wait and see, then make up my own mind as to whether its enough , or is it fairer to everyone to make it clear what I would like to see happening right up front and if he’s not happy to put it in then lets not waste both our time..
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): He sounds complicated and a tad immature, about the dynamics of a relationship. If he doesn't love you then why come back? And why take him back? Honestly, I think he needed a back up girl, while he got out there and has found out life isn't that easy. Relationships are mutual and listen, hun--you aren't asking a lot of him are you. He has a history of being vaque and not opening up. You clearly need someone in your life who can be sharing and sensitive enough to respect and understand that, this is who you are. Complete acceptance..complete respect. So now he's back and we don't know if he'll open up. He's talking the talk but now, if he wants back in your life, e should be walking the walk. Clearly in my mind when two people are in a relationship, it's has to be completely EQUAL. And if one feels they aren't getting enough love and support, then there's a problem. You know this. If you want this to fly, tell him to start allowing you to be yourself and he has to accept you 'as is'. This is a boundary..it tells others what we will and will not tolerate in a love relationship. Accepting you fully, is a caring, respectful start for him and you need to tell him that. And if he won't so that, then yes you are wasting your time! Good luck, dear and be strong
A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (12 March 2009):
 I think your b/f suddenly realized what he lost when you broke up.
If he said that it will be different this time, it is only fair that you ask him how different that would be. I mean, after 18 months, should be sufficient for you to know him well enough to "detect" whether or not he is keeping up with his "promises". So it is only fair that you let him know that you would like to be more clear in the direction to which you tow are going.
It does sound like those two weeks that you were not together has somewhat enligthened him.
But ultimately it is als up to you. If at this stage, you are still unsure about his most sincere intentions, perhaps it is better to just leave it as it is now and see how it goes. Let him make the first moves to convince you that this time he is dead serious.
But, if you feel that you'd like some more concrete reassurance from him, then he should be on the same page as you are too. That includes, telling him that if you felt you two were not going anywhere together, you'd like to sail off your own in your quest to pursue happiness without him!
Good luck!
Cat
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