A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I reminded my boyfriend about my birthday just in case he forgot (it's my second birthday with him) and I know he has his son that day so I suggested we "party it in". This is a German tradition that involves celebrating the night before until at least midnight and congratulating the birthday child at midnight. First he said "we'll see" and now, about two days before my birthday, he has said he can celebrate with me from 6 til 10pm after which he has plans. He can't go out with me on the night of my birthday because he has his son and on the day the three of us could hang out together but he also doesn't want any other adults (ie my friends) to join us because then he says there will be too many adults and his son will get bored. He only has his son every second Saturday night so I can understand this but I am really upset that his idea of celebrating my birthday is to have dinner and then f... off somewhere else and leave me. He said he doesn't mind if I do something with my friends but that is not really the point because I would like to celebrate my birthday with him.Some background: our first Christmas/New Year I was away on holidays, our first Easter we spent together, I can't remember what we did on either of our birthdays together although I know I certainly spent mine with him cos I remember what he gave me. Our second Christmas he celebrated with his son and his son's mother and our second New Years he spent "working". He has a very casual job in a club where he can come and go as he pleases and just hangs around in the club. I would really love to go out dancing with him but he never asks me and I can't go to his club because it is totally smoky and that gives me hayfever etc.What should I do? Play hard to get? Tell him to forget I ever said anything and let him surprise/disappoint me? Just take what I can get? Ignore his birthday when the time comes? I have already made plans with a male friend for Saturday night because I am feeling so pessimistic about the situation.Please give me some advice (especially you guys!).P.S. Neither of us are German, birthdays are reasonably important in my culture, less so in his.
View related questions:
christmas, on holiday Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Full moon temptress1  +, writes (12 March 2009):
It seems alittle unfair that he cannot celebrate all your birthday with you.I am a single parent,and i know how hard it is to juggle relationships with children,however if it was my b/f birthday i would try and arrange with my ex a different evening to take my child.Its not as if you've sprung a last minute date on him,he had plenty of time to work something out.Like the female read wrote,make yourself unavaliable from time to time.
Good luck
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (12 March 2009):
 So .. just to be clear .. his plans are to go back to his house and look after his son?
Or does his son go home at 6, which is when he will come to your house, until 10, and then go somewhere else?
If it is the first one, you can't be cross with him.
If it is the second, I would be.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): Oh my gsoh! He is looking after his sonthat day, it is very reasonable of him to have given you that time!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): you should make yourself a little unavailable for a while.Make it harder for him to contact you. Keep busy with friends, work..hobbies. He is use to you wanting him, and needing more attention. the best thing is to back off, cause he won't be expecting that. Act like it's fine that you don't need him around. Afterall, he should be there for you birthday, but if he says he can' until ten. you just have to accept no for an answer. Don't make him number one anymore because you are not number one to him
...............................
A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (12 March 2009):
 He has plans at 10 at night with someone else? That does not sound acceptable to me! What are these plans he cant get out of?
...............................
|
