A
female
age
30-35,
*dwtampa
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together two-three years...depending on who you ask.he says three,i say two and a half.we have pretty good relationship,except for one thing that doesn't have much to do with him.i'm extremely insecure and jealous.what causes most pain with me is,his ex girlfriends.he talks to really two or three of them,as far as i know.but two of them i know the most about cause he talks to them the most.i call one L and one S.L was his girlfriend for a year or so maybe...she cheated on him and he let her go.but she's mentally handicapped,is older than him by two years and has a child by another man.she's also veery dependant on him.If something goes wrong,usually it's my boyfriend she calls and sobs too and claims she'll kill herself.for the first year and a half of our relationship,it was almost literally a tug of war between me and her over my boyfriend.she's gotten better though i think,and i no longer see her as much of a threat.S on the other hand as explicitely said if he was single,she'd want to be with him.she even told him she could be a threat to me!i can't remember the story with them,but i think what happened was she disappeared for a couple of years and only resurfaced recently or something like that.thankfully,both women are in a very different state from my boyfriend.so no contact except phone and online.however.he'd told me earlier in the relationship he'd promised them and some male friends atleast once in their life,he'd meet them face to face.the men,obviously i have no problem.but knowing he may be going to see these girls even as friends...it drives me nuts.i do trust him mostly,i just worry because me and him are in a longdistance relationship and can't do physical things...he might be unable to resist if they decide to offer themselves very obviously and temptingly.he knows i'm worried,and he said i could go along with him if i wanted,since he never told the girls he'd be coming alone..which made me feel better.but i wonder if i should say i'll go along...one of the things he's worried about is the fact S reeeally doesn't like me.she's very protective of my boyfriend.He thinks she may attack me or try to hurt me.i wouldn't start anything with this girl,i HATE fights and arguements.i can even be cordial when talking to L and that's saying a lot.I think it may be okay if it's a couple years down the line,when i've safely moved in with my boyfriend and S has had time to chill out.I'm going to be talking about this in greater detail with him later but i would like some advice,thank you.
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female
reader, edwtampa +, writes (4 December 2010):
edwtampa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionme and him discussed it.i found out the women may have been still sexually attracted to him in the past but are now content to be friends and that S is being more big sisterly protective...i left the decision up to him if i should come along or not.i can accept both options now.so i'm happy we worked things out to both our satisfaction.and i feel that i may go to both,concidering this visit could be years down the line when S has had time to see i'm not going to hurt my boyfriend and that i'm good for him,instead of the opposite.
A
female
reader, sarahlynn +, writes (3 December 2010):
 Wow. Sounds like your boyfriend has had some real winners in the past. If he offered for you to come along, take it. You need be there with him if he wants you to be, and if he is worried that one of the girls would actually physically attack you, that's a big sign that maybe he shouldn't be friends with somebody so psychotic. I know it takes a lot to let somebody go, but threatening suicide is emotional abuse, and she is not a good friend: tell him this. Say that you were thinking that in his best interest and that you wouldn't mind seeing the other girl, but as for the crazy one, you would rather not.
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