A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I broke up with my girlfriend 2 weeks ago because I caught her in a lie that she totally denied. Her lie hurt me and I lost all trust in her although I still have feelings for her. I told her that I was through and that I have given her many chances to be a trustworthy girlfriend and she decided to keep lying, using and fooling me.I decided to stop contacting her and move on (although on the back of my head, I am still hopeful that things will work out). We didn't talk or text eachother for a week and I only responded to her Merry Christmas text with a "Merry Christmas" wish as well.Now, a week later, she sent me a "Happy New Year" text and I don't want to violate the "no contact rule". Should I text back or just totally ignore her?Thanks.
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broke up, christmas, move on, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): Don't.
If you are this worried about saying "Happy New Year" to her, you are probably still vulnerable and emotionally raw.
Don't encourage her...or yourself. Move on. Happy New Year.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): No contact means "not contact", for good reason.
If she was lying to you repeatedly, about serious as well as non-serious issues, this is a fairly large character issue. The reason you "don't contact" is to drive home to yourself, as well as her, that you cannot tell whether she is lying to you and you need to protect yourself from a serious relationship problem that can damage you terribly.
It also drives home to her, assuming you told her why you broke off with her, that she needs to be honest in future relationships if they are to work long term.
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A
male
reader, Orvus  +, writes (31 December 2010):
 I get texts from my ex for the holidays too, and there have been similar questions from other people. It's clear that these texts don't mean anything AT ALL. They're courtesy. She probably sent that message to everyone she knows.
Even if the text said something like "I miss you", it wouldn't be enough. How would you know it's not another trick?
If she really wanted to make up for her mistakes, she would be doing MUCH more than just texting you for the holidays.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): I think if you really love her then you should break the rule but only if she really worth it, i think you should give her a nother final chance to be truthful and if she still carrys on lieing to you try your best to move on.From my experince if you try try to move on and you can't she must mean a lot to you and i wouldn't trow away the chance to be with someone you truely love.
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A
female
reader, courtney24 +, writes (31 December 2010):
 you can txt back if you want, but you need to really think if she is really worth all the trouble. in my opinion just by reading what you have typed, the trust is gone in your relationship, once the trust is gone it usually wont return, and if there is no trust then the relationship wont work. i dont know the actual situation but you can txt back the happy new year and just leave it at that.. if she txts something else back just ignore it while you figure out what you want to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): "I don't want to violate the "no contact rule"."
The don't violate it, it's that simple. Look man you know this whole "hoping things will work out" feeling is just your love for her, and you know it actually makes no sense because you know it will never work with her.
Stick with no contact, stick with doing what your head is telling you to, seriously dude you know what you're doing is for the best, don't let your heart try and convince for even a second that the pain and grief would be worth it for just one more chance. It never is, it's not going to work and if you real no contact then this whole mess starts again.
That really the kind of start you want for your new year? Another few months of texting back and forth, on/off, hoping beyond hope things will improve, or that she'll suddenly become trustworthy? No dude, the start you want to your new year is a fresh one, is a logical one, is one where you move past all this heart ache and not give it a chance to come back.
You break no contact and you have to start all over again.
Have a happy new year with a new start and put this year behind you by putting your relationship with her behind you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): Just ignore and let her go.If she lied once she mite deserve another chance,but if she constantly lies,let her go.Do you want to marry this woman?A liar? I think you know what to do.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): I would suggest maintaining the no contact rule. The more you contact her the longer it takes to move on. I know this from experience. It hurts and it will hurt for quite a while but just take a deep breath and count to ten. Keep busy with your work or hobbies to keep your mind off of her. Good luck and take care brother.
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