A
female
age
41-50,
*3girl
writes:Dear cupid, my partner and I have been together for over a year, and me moved in together after only a few months, partly due to money. Were now relocating, together, accross the country, but I am settled in the new place and he has to work out his job. I have always admired some aspects of him like the way he does things he puts his mind to and love him but I get very frustrated with his absent-mindedness and occasionally when drunk I have hit him which I am ashamed of. I feel very frustrated and stressed at life but this is easing now I live in the countryside instead of london, but its an incredably stressful period as we live apart and are both really busy e.g. we play in a band together and are trying to do a gig soon. Now we have reached a stage where I feel he doesn't listen to me and he thinks I am always nagging, each of which actually causing the other. After a particularly fraught weekend, england losing to germany and all, I was demanding attention and critcising him, and he lost his temper and hurt me on purpose for the first time ever- he actually kicked me in my private parts, once. Then he said we probably shouldn't see eachother again. We decided on not being in contact for a week, but he phoned in his lunch hour for a brief conversation, where he said he felt depressed. He has his job now in the same fairly remote bit of country, for him to go to in september, and he is not sure of getting another one. There are many things I love about him and it was a dire situation, so am considering whether to forgive him. Should I talk to him about getting back together or just get used to being single?
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depressed, drunk, money, moved in, period Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): I have a male friend who just recently kicked me out of anger, but when I confront him about it he gets really loud and tried to say that he was just kidding.
I told him it was completely unacceptable to me, but I am convinced that he would be abusive in a relationship.
How do i completely get him to stop calling so I can find a healthier friendship ?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): That is a grotesque thing he did - absolutely don't have anything to do with him. Please, for your own sake, move on.
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A
female
reader, 33girl +, writes (29 June 2010):
33girl is verified as being by the original poster of the question This is my first question and I'm very moved by your considered answers. You have given me much to consider, and some perspective, thanks so so much to all of you. I think I will take it very easy, using our time apart to think about things. When we meet I think I will ask to go for coffee and not sleep with him. We have a flat together which he still lives in, so a complete break isn't possible. But a new start is, and I don't feel that getting together is inevitable.
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A
female
reader, canttoleratebs  +, writes (29 June 2010):
Why would you stay??????????????? he has already showed you who he really is, now except it at face value and dont make excuses for him. We all have bad days but what gives him the right to cause you pain? He doesnt know how to direct his anger so that puts the ball in your court. Run fast and far and never look back. Good Luck....
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 June 2010):
How long until he kicks you in the face, I wonder. He sounds like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode, to be honest. And you'll be right next to him. You don't sound happy at all with him. You've both hit each other. He's not listening, giving attention or anything like that. Time to take off those rose tinted goggles, I think. The man will do it again. Best to back away now before it's too late.
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A
female
reader, romany +, writes (28 June 2010):
 Good Lord, he kicked you in the crotch, to hurt you physically, and its been one day, and your considering taken him back!!! NOOOOOOOOOO, He can't be let off that easy, if he is depressed he needs to seek help and also tell his GP how he thought about and acted on the urge to hurt you, because his life was a little stressful with the footie and other things he has no control over. Poor him! If all of us went round kicking those we love when we were stressed, it would be a word full of with single people.
It may not be in his 'usual' nature to act this way, and he really does need to seek help and the best way of doing that is to see his GP, and once he has sorted himself and got himself thru an anger management course or assertiveness course,(so he can take control of his life) then i certainly wouldn't even consider taking him back.
I think you were wrong to be critisicing him, you must have been aware with his personal and profession problems at the moment, but nothing in my book justifies violence.
I say, make a break for now, once he has himself back on the straight and narrow, and if you both still feel the same way, then reunite, but I wouldnt take him back while he is this volatile and unable to handle himself.
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A
female
reader, anna123 +, writes (28 June 2010):
get rid hun, this sounds like the begining of a very vicious circle that consists of him hitting/kicking you, you forgiving him and him doing it again.
if u want my advice i would say get out while u can before it gets worse.
hope this helps
xx
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