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How can I tell if this is really just him having a laugh with his mates?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 June 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 29 June 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I just started a brand new relationship, with a guy that I would usually ignore (he's not the type of guy I normally hang around with so our personalities are really different)

he's amazing, romantic and really funny. I'm 17 and I've had a really bad history with guys, I've been abused and made fun of and everything :/

I have the lowest confidence ever, I don't go outside without being completely covered up so that hardly any bodyskin shows and i hate the way i look, this guy I'm with is absolutely stunning, and wherever you go girls stare at him.

because of my lack of confidence I keep thinking he's just with me for a joke, everything sweet he does makes me think oh god this is just him having a laugh with his mates.

i'm a really boring person, he's used to being with girls that are extremely outgoing. :(

How can I tell if this is really just him having a laugh with his mates?

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A female reader, SallyR87 Australia +, writes (29 June 2010):

SallyR87 agony auntI agree with Universe Man - most likely you're prettier than you think. When you get him alone, tell him how you feel. Guys love a girl who actually says exactly what she feels as opposed to making them guess! Just be careful not to scare him off with TOO much emotional honesty (not everytime you hang-out).

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A male reader, xnickx United States +, writes (29 June 2010):

xnickx agony auntFirst, lack of confidence affects nearly everyone. Don't sweat it too much.

I personally think of me as ugly, im extremely skinny, and the girl im dating now is gorgeous and she's extremely flirty so when we first started talking i thought she was just being nice. But now we're dating and things are going great.

Moral of the story is don't miss out on this opportunity. You're dating an amazing guy. Most guys will only go so far for a laugh. If anything, he would have stood you up. If he's hanging out with you then theres a good chance he's serious.

Now i dont know the guy or the situation, so he may be. But if he is, then there's a really good way to get back at him, by enjoying the time you spend with him. If he's doing this for a joke, then his goal is to either make you more insecure about yourself or crush you. If he's trying to make you insecure, then he's going to make you so paranoid that you totally don't enjoy any part of the relationship. If he's going to try to crush you, he's going to get your hopes up so high, and then break it off. But either way could be also confused with a genuine caring guy.

The best way to defend against this would be to relax. Enjoy every second you spend with this amazing guy, but remember he's not the only thing in the world. Even tho you had a great time with him, if he was out to hurt you, then he's not worth worrying over.

So i think thats the best possible advice i can give you.

Good luck

nick

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A male reader, Universe Man United States +, writes (29 June 2010):

If someone were spending time with you just for the purpose of being mean in the end, he would have to be a real psychopath. Like something out of the movies. It's possible, but unlikely. If he pressures you to have sex right away, or if he wants you to pay for more than your share of dates or give him money or something, then watch out. Otherwise he probably is just interested in you because you're mysterious or something. Probably you are prettier than you think.

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