A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My youngest son, Jack, is graduating from high school this year. He is refusing to go to prom. Instead, him and a group of friends are just meet up and do their own thing (they are talking about going bowling, than having a pool party at their friend's house).My oldest son went to prom and loved it. I regret not going to mine. Should I try to pressure Jack into going to prom so he won't regret it later or just let him and his friends do their thing? I do trust his friends and I trust their parents (I met them in the past few years) so that isn't an issue. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (29 May 2021):
 High school prom is frivolous really, and no you should not pressure him to attend.
Many people don't attend high school prom and don't seem to regret it.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (12 May 2021):
 My son asked a girl top prom in his sophomore year. Another to homecoming in his junior year. Another to prom his junior year. Another to homecoming senior year. 4 expensive dates. 4 girls who got treated to a dream evening. For 2 years, not a single girl in the school considered asking him to girls choice. He wasn't worth a plug nickel to them. So when Senior prom rolled around, and he had no interest in putting out yet again, I certainly didn't guilt him with the you will regret it line.
In fact going to prom was the in the top 3 things I regretted from high school. I think it's just different for boys.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (11 May 2021):
 No I would not pressure him to go. Its his choice and at his age he should have the right to make the decision. My last 2 years of high school, one year I went to the prom. It was fun, but I was very shy in high school and didn't have a date so I mainly sat around listening to music and watching all the couples dance. The next year I went out with a group of friends. We had a blast doing fun things (that were safe). Prom costs A TON of money and again, can make single people feel left out. Let your son have fun! Just make sure they don't go out drinking/driving or doing something that could get them min trouble with the law!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2021): Ask him whether he thinks he might regret it later. You can point out to him that it will only happen once and will likely be the last time his whole school year is together in one place. You can tell him you regret that you didnt go. You can ask his reasons for not wanting to go. And then let him make up his own mind. If he understands the consequences and would still rather go to the pool party, that's his choice and you have to let him make his own decisions. If none of his friends are going to the prom it probably wont be much fun for him anyway.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2021): No, you should not pressure your son to go to a nonessential social-event he doesn't want to go to.
Too many well-meaning parents project their past regrets onto their children; who don't share the same feelings or enthusiasm about sports, proms, cheerleading, competitions, or politics that they do.
It's fine to pass-down family-tradition. Some things are up for debate. Pressuring your children to participate in, or to attend, social events that they deeply do not wish to attend; has placed a lot of people on therapist couches.
How would you feel if you pressured him to go, but it turned-out to be an awful experience? When he didn't even want to go in the first-place! If he makes his own choice of plans, there's nobody else to blame. What he and his buddies planned is safe, responsible, and seems great to me!
You are his mom. You have the final-say about what you decide is best for your children. Prom is not like an essential school elective, a necessary part of his high school curriculum, or vital to his childhood-development. It's a wonderful experience; only if you really want to go! It's basically a high school tradition, and/or a rite of passage. That many who've elected not to attend, went-on to live totally unaffected lives; and remained well-adjusted human beings.
Teenagers may not derive the same kind of memories from their prom. For the ladies, it's makeup, getting their hair done, and wearing pretty formals. For the guys, it's more about mischief. Losing your virginity, sneaking-in alcohol or drugs; and whatever else that provides a few kicks. It's also a bully's paradise. Proms have their good points and bad points. Kids hate too much supervision, and adult intrusion on their prom event. Hence, they have to be clever; and nobody is as cunning and sneaky as a determined-teenager!
Too many scary tales and horror stories come from prom-nights to make them that much of a loss or regret. Most folks who didn't go turnout just fine. Though regretful, you chose not to go. Key point, it was your choice.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 May 2021):
 No.
He is old enough to make this choice. My oldest never went and she couldn't care less. My middle one couldn't go due to the Covid and was so-so about it, she is more excited about starting college soon.
The ONE thing she was annoyed about was that we had found "the dress" and then there was no point in spending that money since she couldn't go.
It's one dance. Yes, I get it, it an American tradition but not everyone subscribes to "have to go or else". There is so much more to life.
Also, how exactly are you going to "make him go"?
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (10 May 2021):
 I don't think that you should pressure him to go the prom. He has made up his mind that he would like to do something with his friends by way of bowling and a pool party, and i think you should accept that this is what he wants to do.
I'm sure he won't regret it later on in life, the bowling and pool party i'm sure will leave lasting memories of the end of high school.
pressuring him into going is a bad idea, and he would end up going to something he really does not want to go to, which will result in bad feeling, and resentment and will end up looking back later in life with not so fond memories.
All you can say is shame your not going to the prom, then just leave it at that. I'm sure him and his friends will have a great time and make some fantastic memories.
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