A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My friend is doing very dangerous things to himself. Most of myself knows that I can not actually get him to stop the destructiveness that he's fallen back into. But he asked me for help, but does he really mean it? It did sound desperate, and he managed to ask me for help when he was seriously high. He asked me to come out to his part of the world and help him to relocate-not with money, not to live with him, just to give him support while he gets away. I seriously doubt that he can actually just take himself away on his own at this point, and he has stayed off drugs a few times when he relocated far from where he knew how to get them easily. Now though, it does seem he's way weaker than he has been before, and maybe he actually needs someone to hold his hand through this? My conscience tells me to do whatever it takes to help him, but my logic tells me that once I see him, he'll just be contrary and possibly abusive for the sake of defending his addiction and it will be impossible to get him to actually leave his screwed up life. He is not surrounded by any sober people whatsoever right now, and is not close to his family. Should I try at all to help him relocate when he asked me directly for help, or should I just say away?
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female
reader, Karlin24  +, writes (5 October 2009):
 I have been there done that. If he was serious, he would be doing it now, not waiting for you to hold his hand. Addicts seldom see how bad it is till they hit rock bottom and all of them are sorry and not happy they did the drugs but that won't stop it. Relocating him will only do one thing. Make you more responsible for him. It's just geography. You can get drugs on any corner and he knows it. If you are intent on helping him, tell him to go to detox first. If he goes, and does ok, then maybe he's willing to change his life. But there is nothing you can do for him until he does. Trust me. I know. My ex is now living on the street, high all the time, and doing unthinkable things to get money for the drugs. Everything I did was in vain cuz he wasn't ready. He just pulled me down too. And it happens so fast that you don't realize it until you are bailing him out in everyway possible, money, time, heartache. I wish you well. I hope he changes. Unfortunately, he sounds like he waiting for someone else to make the change for him. Keep me up to date.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): The only relocation that's worth while is into a detox centre. If he's serious about getting clean, the first step is detox. After 5 days there, he needs to go into recovery, which is typically 30 days. Health care typically covers those expenses, so money isn't an issue.
If he isn't willing to do that little bit, then no, you shouldn't put yourself out. He needs treatment, and that means professional help. Detox and a treatment centre are only the first, baby steps. He'll come out of that 35 days clean, and then he needs to go to second stage.
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