A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi,I had a lover for about a year who I became very attached to. She didn't want a committed relationship, it was pretty casual, but she told me she loved me and sometimes would let her guard down and say things that were pretty loving.But I always felt like I was getting a mixed message from her. Eventually we had a conversation where we voiced where we saw things going, and we had different ideas. I saw a future, she didn't.Anyways, after that conversation I couldn't stay cool around her, I didn't end things but conveyed a pretty clear message that I wasn't happy. After a month or so she ended it, we've been apart since, about a year now since the end.I wasn't completely together during the relationship, I had a lot of issues, difficult stuff for a partner to handle I'm sure.. Now I look back and wonder what would have happened if I had been more easy going, happier, enjoying the moment more than worrying about the future with her.After not really keeping touch for 6 months she got in touch with me and we occasionally sent an email out to each other. Once she surprised visited me.. (she moved away since the breakup).. I started to think maybe there was still a chance so I slowly got back in touch with her more often, but in the end it didn't really go anywhere, she made it clear she didn't want to start again.I wrote her a long letter and explained that we shouldn't stay in touch anymore, that I'm just too attached and that the continued contact isn't good for me. She accepted and I haven't heard from her since. (A little over a month now)Sometimes it really feels like I'm moving on, and other times it feels like I'm still really hoping for something. I don't get why my rejection mechanism is so strong in me.. Why do I worry about mistakes I potentially made so long ago? I even sometimes think about the letter I sent her asking for no more contact and wish I wouldn't have written so much.I have cleaned a lot of my life up, I'm doing much better than when I was with her. I'm staying busy and have lots of good things. I want to stay positive, but sometimes I just feel so crappy about the way things ended, the way I was while we were together, and the fact that I'm still letting it bum me out sometimes. any wisdom would be much appreciated :)thanks Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): I am a girl almost your age.I know how you must be feeling.I have spent 3 yrs of my life this way.
Everything is great but if your partner doesn't want to be with you then its no use.Some people want just short term flings for fun.You can't do anything about it.I have suffered too...for no fault of mine.It hurts like hell.
I found someone who tells me that he wants me till he turns 90.Someone who is always with me.Someone who is so confident about what he feels.Someone dependable and always ready to give love,care unconditionally.I am a happier person and his confidence and trust in our relation,is making me a different person.A happier,nicer person who has so much love and happiness in life.
Find someone who wants you in her life in future.See the difference.Feels so...there are no words to describe that feeling.Just a calm,peaceful mind thats very,very happy.
You are doing well by moving on.Don't rush into another relation to get out of this.Enjoy being single and I am sure that you will find someone who makes you feel like Prince Charming at the righ time.
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