A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is going to be really difficult to explain to me, but hopefully people will get something out of it. So I was in a great relationship, my first serious girlfriend. We met in my college sophomore year, were together for several months, and kept a long distance relationship going for 3 months. 1 week before I came back, she told me that she had gotten very drunk at a party and ended up having sex with another guy. I was angry at her, and didn't speak to her for awhile. However, I decided that I had invested a lot of time into her so I decided to stay with her to see how things went. She was very nice to me the next few months, and things went smoothly. However all throughout this time I kept thinking about what she had done to me, and it pained me to know that it happened. I knew she was going to go overseas the next semester, so I stuck with her to see what I should do until then. Two weeks before she left earlier this year, I broke up with her because I felt that I couldn't trust her anymore. She took the news badly and cried. I have been single for 2 months now, and I have been trying to find somebody else to date.I don't know why, but I still have feelings for her. But at the same time I think I am going to always think about what she did to me in the back of my head if I go back to her.Things are further complicated by the fact that she continues to want to talk to me while she is overseas. I talked to her once and kept it relatively light, and she seemed friendly. So, after all this preamble, if you are still with me, should I try to go back with her? Or just move on? I apologize if my thoughts seem contradicting, I am just very confused. Thank you for any help.
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broke up, drunk, long distance, move on, sex with another Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (16 September 2009):
 well done really proud of you :)
chin up and best of luck for the future!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello all.
I just wanted to say that I have officially moved on from her, and I am so much happier right now :D
Thank you for all your advice, it was tough for me, but it was worth it.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (20 April 2009):
Hun don't go back with her.i am surprised you did to be honest because alot of people would of just upped and left.but you physically still can't trust her so why put yourself through all that when all you can think about is her going off with some guy?you guys had your time and that's done now.you guys broke up for a reason HER fault and you trusted her and she ruined that trust.whether she was drunk or not she still did it and obviously she must of known what she was doing otherwise if she was drunk and didn't know then kind of classed as rape.and she knew what she was doing.i'd just try and move on as i've said you guys had your time together and it just didn't pan out.i mean still try and be her friend but if that's too hard as well then perhaps stop all connection with her.but at least if you guys are friends she'll know she still has you in her life.depending on how you feel about the whole situation obviously whether you want to stay in her life as friends or not.but definately don't go back to her.she ruined the relationship and she knows that.don't let her take you for a fool!hope this helps :)chin up.
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A
female
reader, cutiepye +, writes (20 April 2009):
 I feel like since you aren't married your still young I would go ahead and move on you really weren't in the relationship that long and you weren't apart that long no excuse to cheat. We all make mistakes and im sure you care for her but if you get back w her I thnk that will always be in your head it will cause trust issues and when u get into arguments u may bring it up and have to deal with it over and over so my opinion move on but stay friends if you feel like it. Wish you the best of luck hope my outlook helps you see things in a diff way and I am speaking from experience. Either way try to forgive her Good luck to you hope you make the right decision for you. : )
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): I myself would never be able to stop thinking about what she did. Although on the other hand i dont believe "once a cheater always a cheater". I myself have cheated on a partner and regretted it more than anything and would never do it again. I think it would be a horrible thing to live with knowing the person ur with cheated on you. So i think you should find someone new who would never do this to you. You deserve a fresh start with no bad history.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): well she apologized, she made a mistake. i did this once and i first of all regretted that i had drunken sex, and secondly that i cheated. i wouldn't have done it sober. she hopefully had an epiphany that drinking and sex don't mix well. you need to move past the fact that she messed up and give her one more chance. but of course if she does it again then she is a serial cheater and will keep doing it.
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A
female
reader, Jia  +, writes (20 April 2009):
 Hmmm, I dunno, you guys are still pretty young, so I say you guys should stay away from each other, in a romantic sense, and maybe date a few people for a few years, see what happens and if you still have feelings for her, try to reconcile your relationship with her. Good luck out there!
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