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Should I try to flirt with my teacher to get him interested in me?

Tagged as: Age differences, Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 January 2006) 34 Answers - (Newest, 6 May 2009)
A female , *aril_milka writes:

Well I'm having a problem right now. I like my teacher. He's 23 yrs old and I'm only 15. The thing is that I wanna have something with him but I understand it's gonna be hard because he has a girlfriend and he's engaged. Every time I see him I just think of all the things we could do together.

What should I do? Or should I flirt him back when he does it to me??

View related questions: engaged, flirt, has a girlfriend, my teacher

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A female reader, Midnightsama13 United States +, writes (6 May 2009):

Midnightsama13 agony auntHey girl, Listen. I know exactly how you feel.

I have an extremely hard crush on my Health Teach, Jon. But he has a girlfriend. And considering it is the end of the school year, with only 20 days left. I'm stuck because I care so much about him. And there's days where I stare at him, and my heart longs to be with him. I can't help it though, He returns those looks, and he's so sweet to me. Half because he knows how much I love him.

Yes iv'e even flirted with him. He didn't return the affection. So what im trying to get at, Is that you need to know that he will mostlikely not be interested in you, or he may be. But he's probably worried about his job, and you. It's not just the teacher who gets in trouble, You'll never live it down if your class mates find out about it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008):

Firstly, It does happen, and on occasion, it works out. There was something in the news a few years ago, and a student and teacher, when qualified, left for a country together. They loved eachother. SOLE MATES.

Last year, I became really close with my R.E teacher, I wrote a homework about prejudice and he wrote a letter to me, this was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. He reassured me that I was "stunning" and that those who get called about the way they looked actually end up gorgeous, and probably always were. Etc. I have a habbit of staring at him, and he smiles sweetly everytime he sees me. I don't have him anymore, but I still see him and he said he's there to talk to. In time, maybe something will happen between us, we do get along really well. He bought me chocolate aswell last year, for "best" work. He's a genuine and amazing guy.

Next, don't say things like grow up, I'm nearly 16 and I'm mature for my age, my mates parents have a10 year age gap.

Flirt, yes. In the future, if he doesn't marry or asks you, then if you love eachother a relationship would be fine, but wait until you leave.

Alas, not all cases work out right, if the guy is getting married and he doesn't like you, then you'll have to let go. I'll have to, even though, I'm in love with someone. (He's not a teacher tho) But my teacher is gorgeous and if I wasn't in r school then I'd have him like that. He's the most charming guy ever.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008):

Firstly, It does happen, and on occasion, it works out. There was something in the news a few years ago, and a student and teacher, when qualified, left for a country together. They loved eachother. SOLE MATES.

Last year, I became really close with my R.E teacher, I wrote a homework about prejudice and he wrote a letter to me, this was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. He reassured me that I was "stunning" and that those who get called about the way they looked actually end up gorgeous, and probably always were. Etc. I have a habbit of staring at him, and he smiles sweetly everytime he sees me. I don't have him anymore, but I still see him and he said he's there to talk to. In time, maybe something will happen between us, we do get along really well. He bought me chocolate aswell last year, for "best" work. He's a genuine and amazing guy.

Next, don't say things like grow up, I'm nearly 16 and I'm mature for my age, my mates parents have a10 year age gap.

Flirt, yes. In the future, if he doesn't marry or asks you, then if you love eachother a relationship would be fine, but wait until you leave.

Alas, not all cases work out right, if the guy is getting married and he doesn't like you, then you'll have to let go. I'll have to, even though, I'm in love with someone. (He's not a teacher tho) But my teacher is gorgeous and if I wasn't in r school then I'd have him like that. He's the most charming guy ever.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007):

Hey there!!!! Like many of us, I have a similar situation. I have a huge crush on this teacher who is in the school musical with us. I'm 14 and he's 27. He's nice and everything and there are points where we get to kind of interact with each other, but not even I am sure I'd want to go into it. If you kind of sit back and think about it, I think in time you may realize what you'd be getting into. In the meantime, savor the time you spend together and leave a good impression. It's just as powerful and he will remember you for it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007):

I think most girls have a crush on a teacher at some time in their lives. When I was fourteen, I remember having a crush on an English teacher. After I admitted that I was attracted to him, he used to slip romantic sonnets under my essays. (I thought that was completely normal at the time. I didn't realize that he was definitely pushing the boundaries of appropriate conduct until much later. He was recently arrested for child molestation.) I don't think there's anything wrong with flirting with a teacher AS LONG AS you realize that you can't actually do anything until you're over the age of consent. You don't want to get him in trouble.

However, flirting with a teacher is just a way of young women practicing their sexuality. Which, in my opinion, is a healthy form of sexual self-expression. (Although some young women never quite get over the student/teacher attraction. As a college senior, I'm still finding myself attracted to professors. Some things never change.)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007):

i am going through the same thing that you are going through but the good thing is that he doesnt have a girlfriend or neither is he married. If i was you i would try to flirt with him more and you should go to like tutoring and stuff that has worked for me, i am really digging my teacher!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007):

Hi there. I'm in the same situation now. I'm 16 and falling in love with my English teacher, he's 25. I dont know any thing about him. I just like looking at him at hide when he looking at me. I can't do anything until I'm over 18, i think. so you shouldn't do that. first because he's engaged, he's marrying. you will mess his own life and will you be happy if that happen?? of course not. love means care about your lover. so don't make anything go bad to your lover. just wait something good will come to yourself, just because you're a girl.

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A female reader, estc girl Jordan +, writes (12 November 2007):

flirting is a different story when it comes to teachers but id say that you should try it might be fun. };)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007):

I am in love with my 29 year old, married art teacher Robin and flirt in a fairly obvious matter (i.e. the whole college talks about us) so I know how you feel. I have no idea whether he is interested in my like that, he does talk to me alot, we get the train together sometimes and he smiles whenever he sees me, but maybe he just thinks of me as a friend? I have no idea. It's hard but there's little you can do to control feelings like this, just be yourself is the best advice I can give to anyone and good luck with whatever you choose to do x

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007):

Ok i would like to say... although this is an old question i do not think that anyone has the right to say to this girl ''ohh grow up'' and also ''you could be a homewrecker and make him loose his job'' what right do any of you guys have saying that? so what she wants to flirt with her teacher! let her... coz if any of you guys were at skl nowaday you will realise that we aint out to break out marriages or whatever or make guys loose there jobs but we fall for the teachers that do flirt with us first okay! cmon do not make out that teachers are the innocent party here coz we all know although pupils may flirt or whatever that teachers do enough flirtin too, i mean do any of you guys remember the teachers in your skl that were called the ''creepy'' ones, See there is a reason for this bcoz they act innaporiately around pupils or flirt with them, so there. and also if she was to flirt with him... so what teachers nowadays probley expect pupils to do that now as it is 2007?? not 1960-whatever. and see if she was to frlit with him this would prove if he is professional. If he is he would either not flirt bk or talk to her about her innaproiate behaviour towards him but the wrong thing to do would be for him to try and make a relationship outta this or whatever okay so she aint in the wrong at all for wanting to flirt with her teacher, i say go for it girl! i flirt with mine and hell yeah he flirts bk!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007):

what in the world its some crazy people out here. parents need to start looking at their children. how in the world can a 15 year old girl say she wants to be with here teacher. sometimes somethings you need to just keep to yourself. do you watch the news did you here about what happened to teachers who mess around with their students. the teacher first of all loses their job then they go to jail and then their considered as a molester. do you want that. find someone your own age and let that grown man live his life.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2007):

yes I'm in a situation or was and might be again like yours when i was 14 me and my science teacher had a thing he was 28 at the time and married....anyway we would always flirt and cute stuff then he would come up and help me on the computer and put his arm around me and gently touch my hand as he passed......at that point i didn't think it was wrong so the year ended with nothing much more happening the next year i didn't have him as a teacher and forgot about him now I'm 16 and my math teacher is 24 he doesn't have a girlfriend and i really like him but he comes on like he flirting but he acts the same to my best friend witch makes me mad because i really want him to pay more attention to me witch is hard so i guess I'm just gonna have to let go of my teacher crushes because there jobs are on the line and so should you or be willing to take responsibility for your actions witch i know is really hard best of luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2007):

i think yes!!!! life is to short!!! have fun

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2007):

Look here girl think about what your getting urself into if u flirt back. I'm not assuring you the relationship will escalate but it can happen and if it does it will ultimately be up to you if u can accept the consequences or not. Also always remember where as u love him he will never love u. If he feels anything he feels lust or like that's it. Love is sumthin reserved for his fiancee.He could end up losing his job,his soon-to be wife, and many other things!You will have a bad rep, wut will pepople think of you, how will u feel if his life gets messed up? You have to think about if you are willing to let all theee things happen then go for it.

I am currently in a situation where I started as flirting with my teacher and then talking more in depth he gave me his email, then we satrted talking on IM, then he kept bringing up sex, and we kept getting more and more personal, then we started to share dreams, and then we found out we wanted each other,then he gave me his number, and then we wanted to meet up but I didn't go threw with it, and finally I am at the point wheere we want to ahve sex with each other and we share sexual fantasies online. He is married!You see how things can escalade from just a flirt?But I know wut I'm getting myself into and I am not a really reliable person so my best advice it's ur choice just be willing to accept consequences

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A female reader, kandyisdandy +, writes (21 September 2006):

if i was you, i would wait until you leave cos then its legal! I am in a bigger age gap with my teacher but i wont go into that just now!

Dont tell him btw! It wont do any good!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2006):

Okay, first of all, it's normal for a teen girl to have a crush on an older man, but your teacher? Maybe you think he is flirting, but sometimes this could be mistaken for just being friendly. It abviously wouldn't be such a smart idea to try anything with your teachers, because even if you cared about them you wouldn't try to jeopardize his career! I agree with the last person who comment, NEVER FLIRT WITH YOUR TEACHERS EVER! You're young and have your life ahead of you, find some cutie your age, there tones around. Good luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2006):

I am in a similar situation. I have a crush on my english teacher he is 29 and I am 16. We definitaly flirt with eachother and he does have a girl friend, but i dont want him to break his realtionship that he has now, i really woulnd't care if i was his on the side girl.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2006):

Hiya I have been ere and its so hard.

I feel 4 da same sex teacher.

I got confussed sometimes she sends mixed messages.

and my none gay m8 said she likes you.

I told her Best mate a other teacher she said forget it Just think about th other people that are involved just thing what she could lose her Job.She had worked so hard for it ever since she was 16.I she said if you reali love her you will leave it.And I though If I love Her Ill set her Free.

it nev' can happen

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A female reader, luv2liv +, writes (2 September 2006):

Wow... it's so strange. I didn't know there were other people besides my best friend and I who like our teachers... My ex-english teacher (I say ex because I was in a lower grade...in high school.) and I seriously flirt all the time...but sometimes I get confused because he sends mixed messages. I get so jealous when other students hit on him andI donr know what to do...its like this big blob of jealousy comes out and I'm like taking over....God. I would say to go with your instinct. Just think about th other people that are involved. And, also, think of what he, as a teacher with a wife or whatever, has to lose and what you as a student has to lose.

If it were me though I would wait for someone to tell me its ok...lol.

Its not gonna happen.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2006):

If he has a girlfriend and he is engaged and he is happy...who are you to just swoop in and flirt when your not really old enough to have a serious relationship anyway...if you have a crush on this teacher isnt his happiness important????

sorry but just giving u some advice...dont mean to sound horrible

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A female reader, fire dragon +, writes (5 February 2006):

fire dragon agony auntleave some time and you'll forget him i was in the same situation you were and i know its depessing. and think if he really likes you why doesnt he leave his girlfriend. and thonk about it if you 2 go out together and everything he will soon be bored as he has more experience than u. he has a job and money and all things and you still are at school. if you have to tell him that you love him wait until last day of school so that if he takes it bad you won't have to look him in the face again and if he tells you that he likes you he won't be your teacher anymore so you can date him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2006):

well i'm 17 and i know for a fact i love mr perry (my a-level teacher at college) he's from wales but he has a girlfriend :(

however if he shows any interest in me, i have to push him away and vise versa. I know its hard, but your attracted to his power as teacher and his respect from his collegues, all very attractive things in a man.

All this teacher can be to you is eye casndy and nothing more. reality is harsh i know hun, but you have to get over this obsession.

You can really gain a bad reputation as well as your teacher and he could go to prison.

don't let anything happen for your sake as well as his!

good luck

xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2006):

Hey I'm in pretty much the same situation as you... I'm 15 and my science teacher is 25 (okay but the thing is he's the hottest teacher at our school and tons of girls like him) but I don't just have a crush on him, I actually love him... And I think it's stupid that people here are telling you to "grow up" because you really can't help who you fall in love with. He has a girlfriend and everything but he's not engaged and he flirts with me definitely, it's so obvious that this seriously can't be a mistake... I don't care that he has a girlfriend, I flirt back! Flirting doesn't even have to be sexual, anyone can flirt it doesn't matter if you're engaged or not so if you wanna do it I think you should.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2006):

Just last year I was in the same situation as you are now. I am not interested in guys my age and my history teacher was one of the few nice guys that I knew... and he was pretty cute too. I thought about it a long time though and I realized that if I really liked this guy, I wouldn't want him to lose his job. I liked him for probably a year before I found a guy who just walked into my life one day. Your guy will come too, trust me. He doesn't have to be your age or anything, but you should at least wait awhile to date a teacher because of their job. And if it is only your teacher flirting with you, maybe you should just keep your distance so he doesn't screw up his own life... be the bigger person.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2006):

i know what this situation feels like from the girlfriends position ,as i had a situation where my bf was just being friendly to a student and she took it the wrong way and developed a crush, she started calling our home and trying to come and visit him. all up this almost destroyed our relationship and he almost lost his job. so you know what? leave him alone you have no right to flirting or trying to get involved with someone who is already in a relationship. and really do you think he really likes you? what kind of relationship would that be anyway as he cant date you and he cant be initmate with you because he would go to jail, and if this guy is flirting with you then you can safely say that your probably not the only one.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2006):

Look, I think a few of you are being really patronising here. Yeh, sure she is young, and you're calling her a little girl and telling her to grow up. Why should she "grow up"? She is 15, she should be enjoying her adolesence. Okay, she is thinking wrongly in wanting to start somethng with a teacher but a crush is a serious thing when you are young, very overpowering. Please stop and think about when you were her age. Good Luck hun, and don't try and pursue this man!!! Lol luv n hugs XOXO

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A female reader, Virginiaac +, writes (29 January 2006):

Oh come on. This guy is engaged to be married so what would he really want with a fifteen year old youth.

Get out a bit and learn about life. Get your own boyfriend and most of all, grow up.

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A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (29 January 2006):

willywombat agony auntPlease don't do this. He is out of bounds, not to mention somebody else's guy! He could lose his career and everything he has worked so hard at college for and you could be branded a home-wrecker or worse.

Please find a guy your own age and accept that this is just a crush and part of growing up into a woman. Albeit a really hard and sometimes heartbreaking part. Crushes and unrequited love are often the most painful things we can go thru, but it is just a testing ground for bigger and better things when you get older.

I don't want you to feel patronised by this but this guy has so much to lose and you wouldn't want to be responsible for that would you?

Good luck with the rest of your life, all the best. xxx

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A female reader, happytochat Australia +, writes (29 January 2006):

Like someone already said, its important to really think if this is worth taking it any further. If something did happen he could loose his job, yet having said that, it is entriely his choice. But the thing is, your 15 and i know you have probably heard so many people say this, but there will be someone out there for you who is closer to your age, who is available and you 2 will find each other one day! you will! just hang in there. your only young so dont pressure yourself into finding anyone.

I would say this is a crush, you don't know him as a person and you honestly don't know what it would be like bieng with him. What you think, is what you are dreaming it would be like. Outside of school he could be a real jerk.

And to add on top off all of that you said hes engaged, so he is probably pretty ahppy with where he is. And even if he wasnt, he is surely more likely to want alot more things then someone your age would want.

There are heaps of guys closer to your age and more fitted you could have a crush on. Just look at your teacher as someone nice to look at, and thats it. Don't take it any further. Just be like atleast i dont have a ulgy old man all lesson! lol.

Its ok, you will ge through this. We all go thru 'forbidden' crushes and we all come out on the other end!

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A female reader, smeedle United Kingdom +, writes (29 January 2006):

smeedle agony auntYou must not take this any further, he is not allowed to have a relationship with you and will loose his job, if he is flirting with you then you need to stop this, tell someone like another teacher.

I know this is not what you want to hear but what you are feeling is a crush, we all get them (even me!) we see someone we like and fancy and dream of being with them, older men in power like your teacher is will be an attractive idea, he smiles and mildly flirts (thats his ego being massaged!) which is more about him than you, he is giving you mild signals but they are just that, your attention makes him feel good about himself, or is it that you just miss-read the signals and he is paying the same amount of attention to you as he does others.

It will be hard to think of him from now on as anything but a teacher, but this is how it must be for both your sakes.

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A female reader, jakie +, writes (29 January 2006):

why would you want to try to flirt with you techer is there really a point? would you really want 2 wreck is life as a techer. sorry to say this its just a crush, you will get ova.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2006):

what you should do is forget about it! im sorry, but thats the truth! like fairyangel said, it is against the law and he could lose his job!! nothing can happen between you two. you should find someone your own age.. you're still young, there will be plenty of guys in your life.

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A female reader, fairyangel South Africa +, writes (29 January 2006):

fairyangel agony auntWhat you should do, is... GET REAL LITTLE GIRL!!

This is a danger zone you are entering, not only for yourself, but for your teacher too!

He will lose his job if you two had to have "SOMETHING TOGETHER", not to mention that this is against the law!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2006):

You should NEVER flirt with your teachers..NEVER..It will cost him his job, you ALL OF YOUR RESPECT and if he is engaged just think...Would you want some girl chasing your man if you were engaged? I would not appreciate you for that and I am sure she would not either. You are only 15 find someone not in the position of autority like a teacher who can use or abuse you...You are so young I hope you find someone your own age..This is called PUPPY love..:) Good Luck!

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