A
female
age
30-35,
*aruka62442
writes:My boyfriend of three months and I just broke up two weeks ago. For both of us it was our first real serious relationship. We pretty much broke up because I was upset by the fact that although his residents hall was a 3-5min walk away i only really ever saw him at meals. I could handel it for a while, and was able to hang out with him at times but I had a sort of melt down and told him i was upset. He didnt want me to be upset so we ended it with the intention that we'd be friends. the semester has ended and are now just less than 2 hours apart. We talked seriously once before we left and both admitted we still had feeling for eachother. I really miss him. I want to be with him again. Should I wait till the fall to try anything? Should i make an effort this summer to hang out with him and our friends? Should i try to forget him and move on?
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broke up, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (6 May 2009):
You are making all the excuses in the world for him here.
His friends knows you want to get back with him. He knows you do.
If he can't over come his shyness to even send you an email then you cannot be in a relationship with him. As much as you like him, you are just not as important to him as his own puddle of self pity.
I stand by what I said. He may be cute and you may want to fix him and bring him out of himself and bring him to his full potential, but he obviously isn't going to put any effort in which means you'll have to DRAG him kicking and screaming up to the minimum standard of what a boyfriend should be.
Leave him to it.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, Haruka62442 +, writes (6 May 2009):
Haruka62442 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe didnt just see eachother at meals, just mainly at meals. We hung out maybe once or twice a week, but sometimes not at all. he always said he had to study or write a paper....he was really just procrastinating and playing on the internet.
When I told him how upset I was, and to what level he seemed devistated. he was sitting next to me, with his head in his hands.
We never really discussed how the relationship would be, we are both sorta shy. He more than myself. I never wanted to bring up a proublem. He isnt good with words and has a hard time expressing himself. he also has less relationship experence...his childhood friend told me that he was pretty much taken advantage of in his last relationship which was when he was 16.
I guess things got sort of serious. He liked me for 3 months before he told me how he felt. I only really saw him as a friend but got attached after a boutu a month into the relationship. I would have liked to be with him not all the time, but a good bit. maybe 3-4 times a week I would have like to spend a significant amount of time with him and then maybe here and their during different times of the week...like when we didnt have classes during the day.
I think he was mainly just clueless, didnt know how to be a boyfriend. if we got back togeather i would force a conversation about what we expect out of the relationship.
And its highly unlikly that he will date anytime soon. His friend told me that she thinks he probably wont date untill the end of our senior year (we just finished our freshman year). He dosent know too many people on campus because of his shyness, and I know he dosent have much confidence. the only reason he was even ableto ask me out was because i'm best friends with his childhood friend. We met eachother through her. And we both were very upset after the break up, he got high and had 11 beers the evening we broke up. With such a bad ending he probably thinks hes a bad boyfriend and shouldn't try again.
I dont want to try to forget about him if their is a chance for a better relationship in the future. I feel like i'm betraying him if I look for someone else. I dont want to end up torn between him and somone else.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (5 May 2009):
 Move on! He wants to date new girls and see
What's out there. You should do the same.
He doesn't love you so don't chase him.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (5 May 2009):
So you said you weren't happy that he couldn't be bothered to make effort...
and rather than make effort, he dumped you.
Then you've said you still have feelings for him and he says the same thing... but rather than making effort to get you back, he's content to lose you.
And now you are asking if you should chase after him?????
Seriously, how low is your self esteem that you think that he is all you are worth?
Move on and find a guy who likes you enough to (GASP) walk for 5 ENTIRE MINUTES to see you.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (5 May 2009):
 For all the issues listed in this question it doesn't seem as though you've digged any deeper than the surface - such as the obvious - WHY?Why were you only seeing him at meal times - Im assuming you mean communal meals at a college where you would have been forced to see each other either way? What was his response to the issue other than being bothered that you were upset? People are going to get upset in relationships frequently and usually that is resolved by discussing the issue rather than ending it.Did you guys have different ideas about what the relationship would be? How serious it was? How often you wanted to see one another?I think in order to get closure or see if it's worth continuing you need to find out WHY things weren't working.
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