A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So...my boyfriend of 2yrs and i are living together happily and have been so for 6months now!!! my problem is the pesky mother of his child. my boyfriend and his daughter's mother were never in a relationship...in fact, his daughter was conceived from a casual sex incident...he has never had any feeling for her in any way...so everything should be fine right? no. his child's mother is still harboring feelings for my boyfriend after 2yrs and is trying everything she can think of to make him be with her. she has kept his daughter away from him on numerous occasions so much that he had to take her to court and make it court ordered that he see his child--because "she doesn't want the baby around me" or "he's not being nice enough to her" or "she and the baby are a package deal" and anything else under the sun. most recently, she has befriended his younger siblings (who are oblivious to what she does) which irritates me SO much. she is trying to force her way into his family to get to him...most of the time i think she's trying to prove to me that she is more important in his life than i. i know that my boyfriend isn't going anywhere and our relationship is as strong as ever...we've recently been discussing marriage...but the woman in me is getting irritated by this other woman trying to insert herself in aspects of my boyfriend's life that she doesn't belong... and it angers me more that she plays so nice to them when she plays such horrible games with the child (who i happen to love as if she were mine)... does anyone else have a similar story...if so, how did you deal with it--what should i do to not let this girl get under my skin?
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female
reader, rachel0707 +, writes (24 June 2010):
if she doesnt want her small child around you, you and he should respect that. you are not his wife you are just his girlfriend and until you two are legally married you will only be "just a girlfriend" if your boyfriend wants to spend time with his daughter, he should have that daddy daughter only time, maybe spend it with family but not have the baby arounf the "girlfriend" thats very easy to understand.
as far as her being close to his family and younger sibblings, those are the aunts and/or uncles of her child and they will always be family (yes even the childs mother) they have that connection, i dont see anything wrong with taht either. you need to mind ur business and dont worry about what his childs mother is doing or saying. let HIM deal with his ex not you....
sounds like ur jealous. if u dont like the childs mother being around, ur gonna be very disappointed in this relationship because shes going to be there. maybe u should find a man who doesnt have a child
A
female
reader, shnookims  +, writes (5 May 2009):
 Well I have a child with my fiance and his ex doesn't but it's still pretty similar... she still loves him and is trying to weasel her way back into his life through his family by befriending them... Your situation is a bit more complicated because the mother of his child is always going to be there. I told my fiance point blank to loose contact with her. I can't do that with his family but I told her that she's pretty pathetic and she backed off. You can't do that.
You just have to overlook what she's doing. Like I said to my fiance a while ago, she(his ex)may have his family but I have the only person that she really wants, the only person who really matters, I have him. I know it's hard, I don't think I could ever be nice in your situation but for the sake of you boyfriend, who you love so much, you got to put up with it. You don't want his entire family against you. I have that. It's really emotionally draining fighting wityh all of them all the time. Good luck and stay strong.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (5 May 2009):
I'm sorry hun, but his family are going to take her in and love her. She is always going to be there.
He didn't use a condom properly so he had a kid. He chose to have casual sex with a girl who was in love with him so now he has to deal with her.
If your relationship is strong then you really have to just get over this jealousy and deal with the situation.
Be nice to her. Be her friend, set her up with your hot single male friends.
It's in your interest to keep her sweet and pay for a babysitter so you can go out and meet guys with her and then she'll move on.
If you have a relationship with a guy with a kid, then you have to deal with the kid's mum. Take control of the situation, and work it the best way you can. Hoping she will go away and stop being a bitch will not work, so try a different approach.
Good Luck!! xx
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