A
male
age
30-35,
*lurred
writes:Hi, I've been in a relationship for almost a year and a half with my girlfriend. We Were/are both in love with each other but a couple months ago we broke up briefly when she was questioning our relationship and kissed another guy due to this. During this period she confessed how she had kissed another guy and broke up with me. I was feeling like shit during this time because it came without warning and was out of the blue and I know it's not a major cheat compared to others but it really fucked up my trust towards her. But three weeks in she sends me a text saying how she's missed me and wants me back...etc and I respond yes to her text (so we're officially going back out again). But I find out she tried to pursue a relationship with him when she dumped me but she didn't go out with him because she found out he was a dick (these are her words), But I think he just turned her down so she just came running back to me for the next best thing... in which she denies. Every now and then I have trust break downs and I question the future of our relationship. She says she wants us to try and go through Uni together which will involve a 3 year separation which is going to be a huge toll on both of us. We're both 18 and we're both each others first loves and first lovers do you think it would be worth us trying it through Uni because I don't want to get a text about how she shagged a guy.... etc, I don't want to be a stepping stone.
View related questions:
broke up, period, text, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (21 April 2009):
 This is a really difficult question and I think only you will know what is right to do. However, I think you are right in your concerns. It seems that if she did try and pursue a relationship with another guy but came back to you then maybe she found the rejection too difficult and came back to you because you are "safe" and "familiar". Being the back-up option is never a good situation to be in, as she will pretty much take you for granted for as long as you are together and only want you when you are apart!
If this has already happened before you have gone away to uni then I can only see more problems once you both go away. Uni is a really hard time to have a boyfriend/girlfriend and it needs total commitment from both sides to try and make it work. If you are having your doubts now then maybe you are not 100% committed to trying to make the relationship work?
I had a boyfriend when I went away to uni and he was at another uni over 100 miles away. We went home every weekend to see each other but in the end I felt like I was missing out on the experience I could have been having at uni with my friends. So I ended up cheating on him because I thought there was more out there. Now this wasnt true and I totally regret doing that but I just want you to see that your girlfriend will probably end up doing somthing similar to you, and then you will resent her because you spent so much time trying to make it work and missed out on things at uni.
Uni is a time for new friends, new experiences and having lots of fun. Your girlfriend will become part of your old life and you will have a completely new life at uni, and you will become a new person. Often having a partner at uni will end up holding you back because you love that person however what you should really do is just allow yourself the time to grow and change as a person.
If I had the time again I would have been completely single when I started uni so that no-one got hurt in the process. But only you can decide whether you think you can make it work with your girlfriend - you need to decide whether you want to go to uni single and concentrate on your studies and enjoying your new life; or whether you would regret not giving your relationship a chance? You dont want to look back one day and think, what if? If you feel you would really regret not trying to make it work then put 100% into it and just hope she doesnt break your heart.
In either situation you have to do what feels right in your heart; no-one can make this decision for you. You wouldnt be a bad person for wanting to be single when starting uni - this is totally normal. On the other hand you wouldnt be a weak person for sticking with your girlfriend after what she has done in the past - if you love her and believe you have a future together then you would only being true to your heart.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (21 April 2009):
 hun you guys had your time together she ruined that.and you can't trust her as you said he didn't want her so she came to the next best thing she always going to keep you interested in her until she finds somethign else and then when that thing blows up she'll come back to you saying she wants you back so on and so forth and she'll play with the fact that you have still got feelings for her.and you said i know its not major cheat but hell yeah it is!your with someone you don't go off kissing other guys still cheating still untrustworthyyou're a decent guy i'd just leave her to it.she clearly don't know what she wants from a guy/so until she find that just stay as friends or something and you find a lovely girl who'll treat you with love and care that you deserve.hope this helps :)
...............................
|
