A
female
age
51-59,
*onfusedandlonely
writes:2 1/2 years ago I asked my husband for a little space to evaluate our relationship and work on our problems. After a month he started a physical relationship with another woman. I was so hurt and devastated by this, that I took him back and even though we went to counseling, I don't think we ever fixed what was wrong in the first place. About a year after we got back together, he started distancing himself again. In November we decided that we would separate after the holidays and our sons 16th birthday, to see if we could fix our marriage or if it was really over. A few weeks after he moved out, I found out that he had a girlfriend that he had been seeing since January, while he was still living at home. Even taking her out in public and telling people that we were getting divorced. Now he wants to come back again. I don't know what to do. I still love him, but how can I ever trust him again? should I even try or just tell him it's over and move on?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): So you started the ball rolling 2 1/2 years ago with regard to dividing your relationship, basically opening the door for infidelity. You were disappointed when it happened, so you reconciled, then sought counseling. I presume the counseling was free or really bad or both.
A few months ago you both decided to split up. Now he wants back after his short lived fling fizzled. You are his fall back. Do you want to be a fallback? Because you have proven to him that he has free reign to go fool around and you will take him back each time.
He sounds like a real catch. I can see why you cannot tell him to hit the pavement.
Catch and release and move on.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 April 2010):
No, he's failed you twice. On both occasions where you have wanted space to reflect upon your relationship, he has instantly run into another woman's arms. He's not worth any more of your time. He's really not.
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A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (1 April 2010):
 Do you actually want to take him back or are you just afraid of being alone? What he did, both times, was really unacceptable. If I were you, I would not take him back. I am sure he is sorry, and I am sure there is still love between the two of you. But, it sounds like there were, and still are, unresolved problems besides the cheating. The cheating in addition is going to make it next to impossible to come to a peaceful, trusting place together, I would think. Maybe you owe it to yourself to find someone better, someone you trust and respect, who also respects you in return. Don't think it can't be done! Best wishes :-)
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