A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for 8 years. 5 of those years have been long distance (seeing each other 5 times a year for a week at a time). recently I found out that he has been cheating for 3 years mainly with one girl, he says he doesnt/didnt love her, just used her. I did find text messages between the 2 where he told her he loves her. He has been trying to get me to relocate for years and i have been very resistant, scared of change. He says it wouldnt have happened if I were with him. When we are together I am happy, but when i think of him with this other girl its like a fire inside of me wants tell him to F off. I dont know what to do, i either have to cut it all off or move to be with him. should i trust that he wont cheat if im lying in his bed?? help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010): He cheated on YOU with someone else and now its YOUR fault. Sounds like BS to me. My advise is going to be hard after all the years that you have been with him but, dump him. It will be painful and you will have to go through a grieving period after all these years. But it is better to move on and be with someone close by that you can love and trust, then someone you will always have to worry about.
Besides if he is telling her that he loves her, it sounds like he has moved on already. Don't waste anymore time on him.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (21 September 2010):
Hi there. I'm a bit confused, are you long distance at the moment, or are you in the same town?It's really hard to say whether he will cheat or not.I guess it really depends if all his needs in the relationship with you, are being met.The one problem you both face, is you are not together for most of the time. So you are apart far more than you are together, because of distance.It seems clear, that this girl he cheated with must be in the same town as he is. This is the ideal situation for any relationship to survive. Two people must be a reasonable distance (within 1 hour) from each other, so you can at least see each other regularly. Otherwise, there will be problems.Don't be in any hurry to move to be with him. It is a gamble, and what if it doesn't work out?You need to have a talk with him about what you both feel. Perhaps organise some time you can spend together for a week or two, or maybe even go for a short trip together to see how things go between you. Then during that time, have a talk about everything. Then go from there.Hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (21 September 2010):
 No way! He cheated on you over the period of three years and then tries to put the blame on YOU. "I would have kept my pants zipped if you had done what I wanted, left your family and friends and moved in with me. Yeah, it's all your fault. You made me lie to a poor girl and use her for sex." Listen to that fire! It's right! You've been together a long time and I can see why you're hesitant when it comes to giving him that F-off, after all you invested a lot of time and energy in him. But, the investment didn't pay off. Think about this: he told you he loved you while telling the other girl the same. For a week he had sex with you, then crawled back to her. What's to stop him from continuing once he has you? Personally, I don't think he's worth sacrificing for. I mean, what else has he lied about? Once you move in, you might find out he's a father or is going to be. You WILL experience his true self and in my opinion, a liar, a self-proclaimed user and a cheat won't have much good to show.
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A
male
reader, escribanus  +, writes (20 September 2010):
 He will doit again, any time he has the change to doit. If he doesn't respects you now, why will he doit knowing that you are a fool that believes anything he says??
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