A
female
age
30-35,
*aisy1
writes:I'm hoping all you good people can help me. I was very close to my nan who dies last year and I haven't really gotten over her loss yet. As a result i've been seeing a medium for the last few week who charges around £30 per sitting.My Boyfriend is a skeptic and tells me i'm wasting my money and being taken advantage of. I must admit I do feel sometimes that the medium is maybe taking advantage of my me but I do get comfort from what he has to say. I WANT to believe its real but can also see how that can lead to someone being manipulated.The thing is that I don't ever give anything away to this medium. Yet he picked up on my nans arthritis in her knee and said that her death was sudden at the end and was related to her heart. She died suddenly of an aneurism of the heart so I find that spooky! One of the times I saw the medium I was worried about my finances as I have savings that had lost value and my boyfriends unexpected car repair bills were eating into our budget. Anyway the medium used the tarot cards and told me I had financial worries!To me that seems like pretty good proof, but part of me doesn't want to be used and ripped off. My boyfriend has a degree in psychology so says he has good reason to be sceptical. What are others thoughts on this Please?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2013): A true medium charges nothing and you will find one in a spiritualist center. Some people do have this gift/curse call it what you will, and a true medium can bring a great deal of peace to someone who has lost a loved one (NO MONEY EXCHANGE)and yes not all mediums are accurate or real,but you know when you find one. Cold reading is quite true, and guess work,or mind work etc but some mediums can see, hear and sense.
A
female
reader, maisy1 +, writes (2 May 2013):
maisy1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your comments and kind words.
I do realize now that ive been a fool for believing this crap! Things seemed so real but now I can see how these things are done thank you!
Maisy x
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 May 2013):
 Maisy you would be better served spending your money on a counselor to help you work through your grief.
Your boyfriend is right. (And I also hold a degree in psychology). In addition, I read Tarot cards and could easily give you a reading that would touch on what you want and what you need. There are TRICKS we learn in class to bring out a person’s concerns without them realizing it. There are LEADING questions that we use and we watch facial expressions and body actions to help us know what we are saying is hitting the mark. If you say “NO you are wrong” there are ways to backtrack and make it look like the “spirits” gave us the wrong signals… “Oh wait, I see now, you’re right it wasn’t such and such she meant… I misinterpreted, she meant… such and such instead.” Then you go “YES” and we are back off and running…
FWIW almost EVERYONE over the age of 50 has arthritis in their knees. Some worse than others. But as we age our cartilage breaks down (it is a given that this will happen to everyone) and the bone on bone rubbing is what is arthritis. Hips, hands, knees, backs… we all creak and hurt with age. And many people die suddenly and have heart issues. My dad is 78. He has diabetes and a heart condition. He has for years. He also works out daily and plays 18 holes of golf 3-5 times a week. If he god-forbid dropped dead on the golf course tomorrow she could say he died suddenly of a heart condition and be partially right.
She’s not spooky. She has no connection to the other side or your Nan.
As for telling you that you have financial worries, don’t we all at this point in time? I mean I make good money, I have savings. I can afford a nice life, and if someone said I had financial worries. I would not nod and agree. My only concern is retirement funding which is a bit precarious right now… but it’s not enough for me to call it a worry. If she said I had financial worries and I said “no I don’t” she may go on to say… “ah then it’s going to be in the future where you will have worries” and for that SHE WOULD BE CORRECT…. See how she can make it fit my story or yours?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 May 2013):
 I'm a total skeptic too, but that doesn't mean that mediums doesn't exist.
However, if you can't afford to go spend the money, then you need to to stop. I am sorry for the loss of your Nan, but nothing the mediums says will bring her back. I and DO understand getting a chance to connect and talk to a loved one just once more would be precious to you, would be for me too, sometimes though we don't get that.
My mom died 3 years ago and I still isn't "over" that either. Not sure I ever will be totally "over" it. Unfortunately loss is part of life. She will never truly be gone, because YOU carry her in your heart and memories.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2013): There's 2 different issues here. The first is whether mediums are real or are the skeptics correct. The second is how much influence should your bf have on your beliefs.
The first issue can be debated ad nauseum and it is a dead end debate as each side is convinced they are right.
The second issue is a relationship issue. It is one thing to question your beliefs or to be in the process of forming them and thus uncertain and open to considering all sides of the issue. But it is another matter to be sure of your beliefs and then have your bf disrespect them and pressure you to change your beliefs to follow his.
I think you should take him out of the equation and go with what YOU feel is correct. If you turn out to be wrong that's ok it would be a learning process. If you change your opinion as a result of your own experiences that's a natural process of personal growth. If you simply follow your bf 's views because of his pressure or because you don't want to cause conflict or for any other negative reason, then that isn't personal growth it is just learning an unhealthy set of behaviors which is letting other people dictate what you should think rather than thinking for yourself.
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (2 May 2013):
 hi
If you really feel the need for contact with your Nan then stop wasting money on this fraud, go to your local Spiritualist Church, at least it's free.
Its hard losing somebody you love, especially when your young because then everyone seems invincible, we think they will be here forever.
I still think I see my parents some days,in the distance in a crowd,once or twice have had vivid dreams about them.
Go to the cemetery,leave flowers,it helps.If you feel you need it get grief counselling.And talk about your Gran too, to those who loved her.
Just don't see the Medium again.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 May 2013):
 Everyone dies because their heart stops beating.
Virtually every one has financial worries.
She is good at reading your body language and you want so desperately to believe that she can connect you with your nan.
I think that you can connect with your nan without having to pay a stranger any money. I think that if you sit silently, open your heart and just quietly be present, you'll realize that you are connected to her.
You're taking the easy way out, to hire a medium and pay her a ridiculous amount of money to do what you can do for yourself.
Almost everyone has lost someone close to them. You are not alone, you are not the only one feeling bereaved and sad.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (1 May 2013):
Ask yourself this question: if this medium was truly clairvoyant, why is he stuck being a medium for 30 bucks per session? With a gift like that, he could be much more than that: if he's so bent on helping people, he could do us a favor and help the police track down serial killers, prevent disasters, etc.
Your boyfriend has reason to be sceptic. Watch any good magician, like Dynamo, Chris Angel, etc. They can all do stuff that makes it look like they're psychic, like predicting the top 5 winners in a race, guessing what you're thinking, etc. They all make it very clear it's not real, that it's a trick.
Point is, people can get a lot of information from body language and deduce what's going on through specifically designed questions that give you the feeling you're not telling them anything, when you are. Also, a lot of their assumptions are based on simple logic: your aunt, based on your age, was probably past middle age when she died. Artritis in the knee is very common in that age bracket. Death by heart attack/related problems is also very common. It would be very easy for him to deduce what happened to her by just asking a few simple questions. As for money troubles. Heh, most of us aren't doing so well financially, so guessing that is like guessing a 15 y/o boy is hormonal.
Look, if you feel this guy is helping you deal with the grief, by all means continue. But to me it sounds like you can't really afford to and I can think of better ways to get past grief than visiting the ghost of the person you love through a medium.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): Most old people have arthritic knees, it isn't proof of anything. Likewise, heart disease is pretty much going to be there to some extent in everyone of a certain age. This guy is likely to ve doing a cold reading where he offers up snippets of information and carries on according to your reaction. So if you respond in a positive way, he develops the story in that direction.Look up derren brown on YouTube, he did a great show where he even convinced psychics that he had special talents, when in fact he was just doing cold readings. Sorry about your nan though. You know you can get free bereavement counselling on the NHS which is accessed vua your GP in the UK, so you could give that a go and it might help you process your feelings without shelling out loads of cash each time. I think you getsix or seven sessions, and according to my friend who used this service when her parents died, it is really helpful.Best wishes to you
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reader, C. Grant  +, writes (1 May 2013):
 Count me among the skeptics. People who do this are trained to profile people and to pick up cues from their body language and conversation. While it certainly can seem spooky, what's spooky is how well they can read people and pick up on their fears and insecurities.
If you find comfort in this by all means carry on. But don't fool yourself into believing that this 'medium' actually has a connection to the 'other side.' His connection is to your bank account.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): I feel your pain, I lost my nan 2years ago I miss her so much and when you lose someone you want to feel close to them because they are gone and it is so final. I used to think she will appear or give me signs that's she's ok, I regularly dream about her and its so vivid, she tells me she's ok and that she loves me, I used to wake up in tears but now over time I'm ok when dreaming of her. I found a birthday card from her the other day and cried :(I think your trying to just feel close to her through this medium but in reality she's gone but I don't think you have accepted that yet because her death was quite sudden, she will always be in your heart and probably be in your dreams too, my dreams are comforting now that's how my nan stays close to me, if this medium is helping you get through the loss then you carry on seeing her/him, maybe that is what's comforting you and whether its real or not to your boyfriend or anyone else, if it is real to you and it is helping you that's all that mattersSounds like your boyfriend is just worried about you and trying to protect you from disappointment, but in my opinion it's what you think is real to you that matters
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): sweetie, it's understandable that you want to believe in the medium but objectively most old people get knee arthritis, sudden heart-related deaths are very common, and in the current economic climate, most young people have money worries. You keep your Nan's memory alive in your heart&in your thoughts. Do you really need to risk wasting so much money on the medium? Would it be better spent on flowers for your Nan's resting place, for example?
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