A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Thank you for taking the time and reading this...I have been with my bf for 3 years now and we have had our ups and downs. When we first started dating I didn't put effort into the relationship due to finding out my mother was diagnosed with cancer. He stuck by me, through the months though he formed an attachment with another woman. Strictly platonic but emotionally satisfying. We got over that and started to work on things but we kept putting the bigger issues under the rug. Finally he emotionally cheated on me through an online affair. We went to therapy, his idea, worked things out. We are just moving in together this month and he went out with a friend and that guy's friend. Apparently they played a game to see who could get a girl's number the fastest, etc. I would have been okay with that as long as that girl's number was never used. My bf contacted her to get her to go out with him. He told me after I confronted him that he was going to send his friend in his place. After going through that argument, he announced a week later he is going to Las Vegas with that same friend for that friend's cousin's wedding. Should I let him know upfront I expect boundaries or just trust him to make the right decision?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2012): Your instincts are giving you heads up on this guy so don't over look your warning signs, the hand writing is on the wall and it's telling you to get away from this unfaithful guy as fast as you can. Do not move in with him, do not argue with him, The only thing you need to let him know is to stay the heck away from you.
You don't trust him, he cheated on you and he knows how to get into your head and tap dance all over your mind playing games.
The guy doesn't give a flying jack about you, Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles can see that.
Cheaters doesn't have boundaires!!!!!!!!
A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (11 September 2012):
 Vegas can test the strength of even long established and stable relationships. He doesn't sound like the type to care about making right decisions. I have a feeling that if you stay with him for a long time, you will find that it's an emotional roller coaster with lies, deception and other girls always popping up from every corner. You ready for that?
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (11 September 2012):
 Oh honey I so think you are being played by this guy and every time he has managed to talk his way out of the situation and back into your heart. He's not going to Vegas for a friend's wedding and if he is, I'd say "Hell no, you cannot trust him." Either you need to go with him or you can expect he's either taking the new girl with him, or there will be another equally stupid bet his friend talks him into. Being in a relationship sets the boundaries and he's broken every one of them. Wake up honey and smell the coffee. He's not being faithful, but he is a good "salesman" when it comes to spooning a bunch of crap into you and making it seem believable.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 September 2012):
 They played a game to see who could get a girl's number the fastest. That's their idea of a good time?
I would not move in with this guy. I would let him go off to Vegas. I would do that because he would be my ex-boyfriend.
Let this guy go. If you have to remind him about boundaries, he's not worth the effort. Seriously you can do better. A LOT better.
I would not trust. I would also not waste the time verifying. I would cancel the move in and I would move on.
By the way, you speak about 'not putting the effort in' due to your mom's cancer as if that were a fault. Um, yeah. Your mom needed you at that time. If he couldn't deal with that, so early in the relationship, the solution is to break up, not to punish you by finding someone else to flirt with.
This guy is NOT a keeper, sorry but his responses indicate he handles stress poorly and does his very best to blame his indiscretions on your 'failing' him in some way.
Do NOT move in with him!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2012): When you are with the right person, you don't have to tell them you expect boundaries. The right person who loves you wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardize the relationship. You are living with a guy who plays who can get that girl's number and then he calls her. He sounds as if he has a lot of growing up to do. Now he will probably play the game what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Be careful and you may want to rethink living together. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (11 September 2012):
 And what would this trust be based upon? Past experience making the right decisions?
There is no point in trying to make rules. You can't enforce them. You can only punish the breaking of them. A little too after the fact to be of any good.
After a questionable involvement with another woman your boyfriend decided to play with fire yet again? He doesn't seem to have learned anything. Someone who is determined to avoid repeating the same mistake would avoid placing himself in circmstanes that could lead to that mistake. Why didn't he?
I think you're right not to trust him, but there isn't anything you can do about save washing your hands of him. He's done nothing to earn your trust.
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