A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically last year I ended up getting involved with my best guy mate, we spent the summer together and then it just ended for stupid reasons and we didn't speak for 8 months. Now we started messaging and we eventually met up. He was cuddling me while we watch a film and then one thing led to another and we slept together. He hugged me so tight like he didn't want to let me go and when he left he gave me a kiss in the head. I have no idea how to approach him to ask was it a one off or was it the start of something, or whether I should just see what happens?There's definitely chemistry there and I just don't want to get my hopes up and get hurt but at the same time I don't want to scare him off by asking him? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (6 April 2013):
 I'd just go with the flow. There's no need to have any serious conversation about what's going on right away because these things tend to become obvious after getting together a few times.
Come back in a couple weeks, and let us know how things have progressed.
A
female
reader, angelgirl789 +, writes (6 April 2013):
Dont be afraid to ask him you will be surprise to his answer the same thing happen to me now he is my husband he and i have been marry for 2 yrs now and everything is fine dont be afraid of his answer just to be fair here tell him how u feel and tell him you dont want to be hurt again. good luck and keep me posted k
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (6 April 2013):
Hi there. Half of the problem here, is that before you slept together, you were best mates.
Which means friendship only.
And I also think that when you didn't speak to each other for 8 months over something silly, that it was then that you both found that you were becoming more than friends, and feelings were developing for each other, and friendship was starting to transcend into being attracted to each other, and it presented a bit of awkwardness, as you both didn't know what you should do.
Even though at the time, it was at an unconscious level for you both.
What is probably going through his mind right now, is - "Okay, so what is it that we are now, after having slept together?"
And it is exactly the same thing for you, isn't it?
And so, I believe there is some confusion there for both of you.
And why he kissed you on the head instead of the lips, as he was leaving on the night you slept together, is almost like he then realized that you were in fact best mates, and it's possible that that is the way he wants it to stay.
Or, he could be thinking that perhaps you may want it to remain as "good friends only."
So really, there is only one thing for it now, isn't there?
And so what is really needed here, is that you sit down together and talk about it.
Or if you both hang out in a large group, well then walk up to him and whisper in his ear, can I see you for a minute, I need to talk to you about something.
Undoubtedly, he will already assume what the subject matter will be.
Don't ask him straight out, but just chat as you would normally do, and then say something like -
"(His name), I have felt uncomfortable around you ever since we slept together, and I think you probably feel the same way. So I think we need to clarify where we stand with each other now, just so we are both on the same page.
"It seems obvious that we both have feelings for each other, so it is necessary that we work out what it is that we both want now."
This conversation needs to happen, as soon as possible, to prevent any more tension between you.
Often, friendships between a guy and a girl, can turn into romance, so this is not entirely a surprise.
So all the more reason, for having that friendly chat with him as soon as you possibly can.
And then, you can move on - either as a couple, or just still being good mates, the way you were.
The good part, is that you will know then, for sure.
Certainty is much better than doubt, don't you think?
We all want certainty in our lives.
And the only way to sort it out, is to talk about it.
Don't leave it one more day.
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A
female
reader, poil  +, writes (6 April 2013):
Give it some time, see what happens. If you have heard nothing in a few days you got your answer. Or see If he wants to go do something and see what happens, you could realize its just a friendly one time thing
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (5 April 2013):
See what happens. Asking would be kind of tacky in my opinion. Why do so many women let the guy dictate the terms of the relationship?
If you want to make more out of it then do so, don't leave it all up to him.
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