A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I know it's a stupid question to ask but I miss my ex so much it hurts. And I need advise.Well the short story is we have been together for six years and broke up due to cheating. We have been split up a while but still meet for certain stuff. I havnt spoken to him in about two weeks. I don't wanna make the first move cos I don't wanna seem desperate ( which as you guess I am). I just miss him so much and want him back. Please someone tell me what to do ?? Thanks for reading x
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2013): It depends who cheated, if you did then you need to leave him alone and let him contact you. If he did then for god's sake woman grow a bit of a backbone and stay away.
OP 6 years is forever, it's going to take a long hard time to get over it but you will.
Now think long and hard OP, and try to think with your head and ignore the pain and love you feel, does your head think it's a good idea to go back to a relationship where there was cheating involved? You're not stupid enough to think that cheating doesn't matter are you?
After 6 years OP cheating means this should be over and you need to deal with the pain, no reconcile because you're hurt.
OP give it another few weeks, get busy, cry your eyes out, cry with your friends, talk to your mom, your dad, brothers etc. talk to your gran about it, go bowling, go to a gig. Fill your time with talking and activities, and just wait and see what develops.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (6 April 2013):
Hi there. It is natural, that you will miss your ex, after 6 years.
It's a long time.
And it's a big chunk of your life, no doubt.
Regardless of who cheated, and even though someone cheated, do you feel there is some unfinished business there at all?
Do you believe, there could be some things you could work on together to make it work once more?
And apart from the cheating situation, was your relationship before that point, happy and smooth flowing, generally speaking?
- Did he treat you well and with respect and dignity at all times?
- Did he make you laugh?
- Would you say you had a happy and satisfying sex life?
- Did he take you out to nice places and spend some money on you?
- Did you get along well with his family?
There are so many things that make up a good and happy relationship.
It's never just about the sex, for a man cheating on his partner.
Sometimes people when they cheat are just looking for some fun in their lives.
Like, if they are feeling a bit bored - not with you - just bored with his life in general, I mean.
Feeling uninspired and disillusioned about his life, maybe.
Perhaps not living a life that has a sense of purpose.
There are so many things a person goes looking for in their lives, and their escape can be just what is the easiest to do at that time - such as an affair, or a one night stand.
In one's search for life meaning, they can look in all the wrong places, instead of looking at the real problem and finding the real solution to it, ultimately.
So what the real problem for him was, is anyone's guess.
Another reason for a man cheating, can be that he is looking for a real emotional connection with a woman, and maybe feels that he doesn't have that in the relationship he is in currently.
And that is a BIG reason for why men cheat on their partners.
And in any case, would you really want to go back with him, knowing that cheated on you before?
If he was the one who cheated, you would surely be wondering every time he went out, as to who he was with.
And that would be a very scarey feeling for you, just not knowing.
And you would be feeling rather sad, lonely and full of self-doubt, and not to mention very insecure, as well.
It is not a very nice feeling, by any means.
And no matter who cheated, it really doesn't matter much, because the situation is still the same anyway.
And as you have said here, that from time to time you see each other for different reasons to sort something out, well then on one of those occasions, it would be wise for you and him to sit down together, and have a chat about everything that has happened.
And that will be your golden opportunity to say what you want and how you feel, and for him to do the same.
And at least then, you will be both on the same page, and know where you both stand.
Then you will know the way forward.
And if it is a while between when you have to see each other, well then call him to ask him over especially, to talk.
Please don't delay doing this.
The sooner, the better.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (5 April 2013):
Who cheated and who ended things is relevant here.
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