A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hii... i had sex with my ex bf...that was just the biggest mistake in my life... now im worried about my future relationships when i get married...is it right to tell the truth before mariage or after marriage?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2012): Funny, isn't it? On this question, people say there should be no secrets. On another question (one about abortion) people said there was no need to tell the new husband because it was in her past. Double standards?
However, that aside, the correct answer is BEFORE. Always.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2012): "is it right to tell the truth before mariage or after marriage?"definitely BEFORE!!it's dishonest and selfish to lie to someone so that they will marry you, if you feel or know that they would leave you if they knew the truth sooner.if you're honest upfront and a guy leaves you for it, that is his loss not yours. Then you can move on and find someone who has a different attitude and will be OK with it and accept it.but if you wait until after you are married to confess something serious that he would never marry you if he knew sooner, then you have essentially betrayed that person's trust and he will feel that you lied to him to trick him into marriage, because that would be true.so the key is to be honest early on in relationships so you can get rid of the guys who will not accept it, and then find someone who will be OK with your past and accept it,
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (17 January 2012):
Always go with the truth. Even if things get rocky, you can keep your dignity knowing that you stayed honest.
My rule in dating someone new is that I give it about a month before I let all secrets out on the table; I'll let us enjoy our "honeymoon" period of a new exciting relationship together, but the second things start getting more real, I'll sit her down and try and learn more about her past while letting her know about some of the baggage that I'm carrying.
No one is perfect and everyone carries something with them into the next relationship; its important to be upfront about these things before getting too seriously involved.
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A
male
reader, Mark_25_  +, writes (17 January 2012):
 You should be completely open about your past relationships from the start. If you didn't tell him until after you got married it would completely break the trust and faith he would have in you when you did tell him. Also, it may not be something your future partner is going to be that bothered about, it's just life that most people at and above your age are not a virgin. The main person it affects is you as you clearly regret sleeping with your ex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): Well if your future husband is expecting you to be a virgin then it's wrong to deceive him, and not a great way to start a marriage. I'm not saying you are wrong for what you did with your ex, don't be ashamed of that, just be honest with your future partners.
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