A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 26 and still a virgin. I've not had many boyfriends, i'm quite shy and don't go out much - prefer saving money for holidays and concerts. Whenever i meet someone should I tell them i'm a virgin or not? Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (27 October 2011):
No, but ask him if he is, and in a very shy way! His reaction will probably tell you very quickly if he is a person that is sensitive to you and someone you can trust your feelings with.
And as a PS, although hard to believe, most of the happily married population was more like you, and they don't need to visit online self help groups to deal with the sexual baggage they collected along the way!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2011): I'll make it short, as you have lots of answers. Don't dive into anything until you are absolutely ready! When you have a perfect relationship; and feel alot of trust with the man you are with. Then, when you feel the time is right, and you want to cross that barrier, you should tell him! Then he'll be gentle and delicate, and make sure it's as special for you as possible!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2011): I would choose not to, either way sinner or saint until you feel happy in a good close relationship, then it becomes relevant. More to the point you should have more about your character to talk about in your 20's, than an opening line of I am a virgin....virginity should not be the main or only topic/value that define's what you are as a person, even though it is a part of you and very important to you ....and respected by many and yet means diddly to others rightly or wrongly....it is not you. I say this because once it's gone! it's gone! who is left ? what defines you then? is it your humour? your good nature? your honesty ? WHO ARE YOU if your not a vigin?
that day will come, just like all the women who were virgins...do we loose our value?
Save it for your special partner when you both feel right and in your right time reveal what becomes relevant to you both. You have a right to Feel proud for your own reasons and values/morals because you stood by them and earned that right. We all hold varied values/morals mine are in finding purity in the spirit of a person not their sexuality or non sexuality to me it's suface.
In the bigger picture Be watchful of helping marketing the label 'virginity' as it costs some women their lives if they don't have it. That is where some of my morals live
trying to work this out.
Virginity always made me question purity... i was led to believe the two are linked....just where does it exist really ? between the legs ?
we need a lot more than just virginity morals to define who and what we are on this planet, what ever part of the world we are in.
Hope you find that special one. :)
Spunky Monkey.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2011): No, absolutely not! When you meet the right person and you may think you need to tell them this, you don´t, because you already, just from your beautiful personality, will have conveyed that message, and the right person will have fallen in love with you. There is a very good reason that the english language has coined the phrase f**ked up, and you can be proud it doesn´t describe you.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (26 October 2011):
 Wow. Heres hoping the western world accepts moralistic virgin women. Commendable decision. Wait til the time in the relationship is right and the other person has earned your trust of such personal information.
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A
male
reader, doublejack  +, writes (26 October 2011):
Definitely *do not* say anything about being a virgin until you get serious with a guy and believe the relationship will become sexual imminently. The reason I say this is your history is a private matter. It is information that very few should know. Also, there are guys who will pursue you not because they truly like you, but only because you are a virgin and they want to be your first. You want to avoid that type of predator by not advertising your status.
You shouldn't view your lack of experience as a bad thing. The majority of guys will be impressed, not turned off, and a good guy will be more than willing to help you learn and explore your sexuality.
Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 October 2011):
 It's nobody's business if you are a virgin or a verifiable major-league slut!!!! Keep your mouth shut about such matters.... as it should NOT be part of any discussion between a man and a woman until a LONG TIME in to their spending time with one another....
Think about it.... do you think you should also share your checkbook register with him????
Good luck...
P.S. It's cool for you to STAY virgin until you find the "real" right guy for you!!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2011): yes. its one of the best ice breakers.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 October 2011):
 No. You don't tell them until you've already entered a serious and official relationship with them. When the relationship has gotten serious you can have a talk about sex. But this is definitely NOT something you blurt out on the first dates. It's a private matter, nothing to be ashamed of, but a private matter that you should discuss only when in a relationship.
Just like no non-virgin walks around telling their dates how many partners they've had. In fact how many partners one has previously had is typically a non-topic. When a virgin you need to be honest about it, but it is also not something you say upfront. It's something to be discussed when the time is right.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2011): Thanks for your help
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 October 2011):
 No, I don't think you need to make announcements of your "sexual status" until you have gotten to know a guy really well and are ready for it. When you are ready, tell the guy, so he knows. Other then that, it's no ones business.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (26 October 2011):
 100% agree with caring guy. I wouldn't tell them untill you are ready for sex and committed to them in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 October 2011):
 no need to tell them until you have a serious committed relationship and are getting ready to have sex for the first time. until then it's no one's business but yours.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (26 October 2011):
 No, you should not bring up the fact that you're a virgin. Why would you volunteer such private information to complete strangers? Your sexual history or lack thereof shouldn't be the focus when meeting new people. It's a private thing that people share once they get to know someone a bit better and feel more comfortable.
Do you think that a man will disclose is sexual history on the first few meetings? Of course not! Just as it's very unlikely that someone will tell you about their family issues, illnesses that they may have, or some deep dark secrets. Don't feel rushed and put a label on you. How many people you've had sex with does not define who you are as a person.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2011): I think that you should do what you are comfortable with.
Personally i think that is a fairly intimate thing to tell someone so not something I would start a conversation with, but definitely not something to shy away from if the topic comes up or if you are asked. It is part of who you are.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 October 2011):
I don't think you need to tell them you're a virgin until such time that you're ready for sex. Then it might be a good idea so they know that it's your first time. But you don't need to tell them until you're ready.
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