A
male
age
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anonymous
writes:Okay, I've been wanting to ask someone about this since it happened, but there's no one I could really bring it up to, so I guess I'll use this forum. A few weeks before Christmas, my wife, a good friend of ours and I went Christmas shopping. My wife told me she had to buy some things for me (and I had to buy for her), so we split-up. I went off on my own and she and our friend went off together. We were at the mall and agreed to meet at the main entrance at a certain time. Anyway, long story short, at one point, I somehow got behind them (at a distance) and saw them holding hands (actually, to be specific, they had one finger latched - but to me, that's still holding hands). Anyway, though that was somewhat of a surprise, it didn't upset me and I went about my Christmas shopping. Later that night, I saw them again and their fingers were still latched and they were walking out of Victoria's Secret. I'm not the insecure type and certainly am not jealous. I didn't say anything to my wife later that night about any of what I saw. Should I?
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (13 January 2008):
 They certainly wouldn't try to get away with anything in the mall knowing you're there too. Having said that, unless he is a gay buddy of both of you, I would not be happy about it. Unless they were goofing off and acting silly, it doesn't make sense.
Ask her how she would feel if you were holding hands with another woman. Don't say you saw her, just ask. After she answers, then you can tell her what you saw.
A
female
reader, Dawnie  +, writes (13 January 2008):
 If it's bothering you speak to your wife, explain what you saw. It could be completely innocent as friends do sometimes hold hands. Although i have to admit if i was out with my husband and a friend of ours i would not be holding that friends hand. Maybe you could watch them when you are all together, look at body language. It could be absolutely nothing.
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male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (13 January 2008):
 I tend to agree with the bulk of what has been written, you've reacted well to this but obviously is bugging you and I would tend to think that if you leave this then it will eat away at you so you do need to clear the air. Sit your wife down but think carefully about what you are going to say; I don't quite agree that if she is defensive its bad sign, she will be naturally defensive if you are offensive ie, couch it in a way that is more like an accusation.
Say something like it just unsettled you but pad out what you say with reassurances that you do trust her. For your own piece of mind before you do this you do have to accept that the odds are what you saw could be totally innocent friendship contact, get it off your chest before it eats way at you and things spiral out of control. Good luck.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (13 January 2008):
 If it bothers you , then you ought to speak to your wife because you need to settle something that is troubling you.It could just be an innocuous act to her and you don't want to make it a big deal. Maybe , the next time you walk with her, you should do that with her . She would wonder why you suddenly do that.
If you don't like to bring it up , then you need to watch them more carefully.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): HiyaI recently had a similar incident were I was the naughty wanting to hold hands with a co-worker (documented on-site) and co-incidentally thought that linking fingers would be more acceptable to her as a step down from actual hand-holding (in my delusional state lol). I’ve only known this woman for about 6 months so if your friend and your wife have known each other for a longer period they probably have worked their way to the position were they feel its ok to do this and not really cheating, but in a sense, it is. I would say instinctively, that they aren’t cheating but that they have a ‘special friendship’ situation which could ‘blossom’ into something given the right pressures. I would also say this is probably not unusual in friendship cohorts, after all you have a lot in common with your friends and with your partner so…fill in the dotted lines and hey presto! You say you’re not jealous, lucky you, I’d be. I would confront her about it but keep in mind that because of you they are probably good friends and that’s not a bad thing at all. How would she feel about you and his partner doing the same thing - pay-back time : )
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female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (13 January 2008):
 Hi there.
Well done for not having a complete FIT about this. I'm not so sure i would have reacted in the same way, but then again, i AM the jealous type.
Although you might be COOL about the whole thing, it is obviously bothering you to some extent. The best thing, just to clear the air, would be to sit your wife down, and speak to her about it?
It might have been really innocent. I have some good MALE friends that i hug, and will hook my arm in with them sometimes, but also, i do this in Front of my boyfriend, not only when he's not around.
Have they ever done this in front of you?
Would you mind if they do this in front of you?
When you speak to your wife about this, just make it very clear to her that you are not upset, and also that you are not attacking her, but you just want to confirm what you saw, and ask her if there if you have any reason for you to be worried.
If she's open and honest about the whole thing, then i'm sure you don't have anything to worry about, however, if she's evasive about this, or denies it, or gets defensive, i would take this as a warning sign.
Good luck to you.
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