A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:When I was about 11 my sister's husband touched my breasts and asked me if I "want to have some fun and games". I knew instantly that this was wrong and said NO and moved away from him. He then said he was just joking and didnt mean anything by it. I knew then that he wasn't joking - how could that be a joke?! It was totally inappropriate - he was around 30 years old at the time and I was a child. He never did anything like this again although prior to this event I was aware that he would sometimes be in my bedroom in the mornings when I stayed at my sister's house and if I woke up he would pretend to be looking for something. I have kept this pretty much to myself for over 30 years (although my parents knew about this as they were told by an ex boyfriend when I was 17 - they did nothing about it. I now find that this event is deeply troubling to me particularly since I have young daughters of my own and he is still married to my sister who sometimes visits me and my children. My relationship with my sister has become strained because of how I feel about him and my sister is confused by my behaviour. My husband does not want him near our children - neither do I. Should I tell my sister what he did. This would risk the relationship I have with my sister. I imagine she will tell me I am mad and not believe me. They appear to have a very close relationship. I have to protect my children and I worry that he will have and may continue to do this kind of thing again. The reason this event troubles me so much after 30 years is that one of my parents recently died. The grief I am feeling is compounded by what he did to me. This isolated incident has made me untrusting of some men particularly where my daughters are concerned and it has ruined the relationship I should have had with my sister. Do I tell my sister or do I just tell him that I remeber what he did and to keep away from my girls?
View related questions:
breasts Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSurely you can't think that sexual abuse can ever be forgiven? How many other 'mistakes' may he have made. Could you forgive someone for doing that to you or your child?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2008): An isolated incident that happen more than 20years ago still make you feel bad.You keep grudging over someone mistake that happen more than 20years. The fellow made mistakes and you don`t understand that. What you are telling us is that you are unforgiving and infallable person. If you tell your sister,her reaction will be probable be diferent from telling off and this depend on her understand of what humans are. Everyone makes grave mistake and they must be forgiven for we to get along.
...............................
A
female
reader, Seeker  +, writes (9 September 2008):
First off, I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you. With regard to your question, I'd say you should do both. Your sister may not want to hear this, but it sounds like the two of you have a somewhat rocky familial relationship to begin with. She needs to know, if only so that she too can have this information at the back of her mind and keep an eye on him when he's around young girls. Do they have any daughters? If so, all the more reason to warn her of what may be going on, and perhaps you can spare them or other young female relatives an experience like yours.By all means, warn him as well. You are correct in assuming that he may do something like this again--a preference for children isn't something that necessarily goes away. Reminding him that you are alert for more examples of this behavior (and the fact that you are now a grown woman and better able to ensure he sees consequences for any future offenses) may serve as a deterrent.
...............................
|
