A
male
age
51-59,
*eed 2know
writes:I'm in love with my sister in law. My wife's sister. I think about her all the time. I'm just concerned about taking it too far. I am married with a boy and a girl. She is married with 3 girls. We are both in our late 30's but she is a couple of years younger. I just want to tell her how I feel without ruining both our marriages. I don't want her to think that I'm a stalker or that I would ruin her marriage. I know she loves her husband. This flirting with each other has been going on for a while. I just want to know already. Would she be interested in me if the situation was different and does she feel as strong about me as I do about her. If you are out there please respond to this and drop me a hint so I know it's you. I figured we could let each other know this way. In person would be awkward. I do love her. My hint to her is that we flirt through gmail.
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female
reader, Carnie1228 +, writes (25 June 2016):
Divulging these kinds of feelings is only going to cause a riff between the sisters that did not exist. You indicated that she flirted with you. Leave it alone and put your feelings in check or you will cause everyone to look at you differently and will cause a dilemma that may never be fixed.
A
male
reader, BoundlessLove +, writes (7 January 2015):
Tread carefully. You need to be honest with how you feel for those involved. Otherwise, suppressed feelings can come out in much worse ways.
Your wife probably should come first. If she loves you, then she might be hurt and jealous or hate you (if she is religious or have some other reason to fundamentally reject you). But if she truly loves you, then she loves you for exactly who you are.
Your children - protect them and always be mindful of the message you are sending them with your choice of words and behavior.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): This is a disaster waiting to happen. You can't win. If it is just simple sexual tension then you'd better hope the answer is no and the SIL adopts a very mature attitude. If the answer is yes, then two families are destroyed. On top of that, if you genuinely care (and I mean care) for your SIL you run the risk of destroying your real relationship with her as well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2009): This makes me so happy I do not have a sister. It seems to happen quite often if that helps you any! Many men write in here saying they desire/want/have feelings for their sister in-law. Which makes me think, it's gotta be more to it than just coincidence. Your wife and sister in-law might be very close? Or you are always spending much time with this sister? More time with her than with other females except for your wife naturally? Perhaps that explains thing. I think, it might be you love her, simple as that. But also, as comes naturally, when we love someone, if they are attractive, you become attracted to them. But you must remember, she is not available for you. Not only is she and you married, she is sorta like your sister. Even if it's not by blood, she is your sister in-law. Accept that you love her, but start thinking of her as your sister, and not as a woman. PS. also Ive never read a letter from any woman saying she is interested in her brother in-law. So chances this woman is interested in you are very low. And even if you ask her "what if the situation was different" it might be she will still answer the same. Because the situation is what it is, and you probably wouldn't have gotten to know her, or love her, was it not for you being married to her sister.
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A
female
reader, msconfused  +, writes (30 November 2009):
Opening up and telling her will create a lot more problems, especially in the event that the feeling is mutual. You both would know how you feel and it's only so easy for things to happen - an accidental brush against each other during Christmas dinner, a kiss on the cheek that lingers a lot longer than it should, etc. Do you really want to go down that road? We're all human and there are times we cannot control who we fall in love with. What we CAN control.. is the way we react to this. I would keep it to myself.
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (30 November 2009):
 You know I would re-read what you wrote frankly.
"I'm just concerned about taking it too far."
Come on now. Telling her you love her is not taking things too far? Even if it is true and you do love her by telling her this you will take it pass the point of no return and no taking backsies. And what exactly would you gain from knowing she loves you to? What kind of relief is it supposed to be thinking that if things were different she would be with you? Thats stupidly torturing yourself.
How will you two supposed to act then after acknowledging your feelings? Like normal? I have a itching feeling that that eventually wouldn't be enough. Both of you, especially if she indulges you by saying what you want to hear, will get to a point where you guys will feel miserable because you arent taking anything further and eventually start a physical affair past the emotional affair. You will have fucked up your family quite well. Not just your relationship with your wife, but your kids relationship with their cousins and this womans relationship with your wife and her husband. Wow you really want to do that?
And lets say she does give you an emotional affair, but not a physical one. Eventually you will become resentful and angry with her for not expressing her love for you as she says she does or you will become depressed because you will feel you are with the wrong person. This is what usually happens. THINK before you do this. You have the ability of foresight and consiquences to your action.
How would you like it if it was your wife who found this instead? I can promise you she will not be pleased. People generally do not like seeing their siblings as competition. You are setting her up to leave you.
HonningKanin
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (30 November 2009):
Yikes. There is no point. This CANNOT have a happy ending. I'd keep your feelings to yourself.
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A
male
reader, Sw Krishna Kali  +, writes (30 November 2009):
First of all you must understand that the only relationship in your life that can have any real meaning is with your wife. Complete honesty is essential. I would suggest that you discuss your fantasy about your wife's sister with your wife while you are making love.
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