A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met someone online a couple of months back and was surprised to find that we clicked almost instantly. From our very first conversation, we were chatting daily for hours. A couple of days later, he shared that he had broken up with a long-term girlfriend of more than 10 years but was still seeing her on a daily basis as they were trying to remain close friends. He was basically emotionally unavailable.We got pretty close and I opened my heart to him, as he did seem pretty genuine and he seemed to understand me a lot better than anyone else did. We shared our feelings - I told him that I was falling for him and he also said that he had feelings for me, but that the timing was not right. I am generally a pretty guarded person so I started pulling away from him, to risk being hurt, but he told me not to and said we ought to see it to its end, and I agreed. We both agreed that we could see something happening in the future.To cut a long story short, he kept disappearing over the weekends for 3-4 days at a stretch. This kinda threw me off a little I suppose as I was by then very used to be able to talk to him on a daily basis. Usually, he would be the one who would send me an IM message, but slowly I found that I had to message him first and his replies were short and he wasn't as chatty as he used to be. The last real conversation we had was a debate on a chatroom which slowly became an argument. What fueled it was that he was replying to me there, but not messaging me privately as we usually do. I'm not sure if all this sounds confusing. I guess what I''m trying to say is that he was different. He seemed to change.After that incident, I apologised and explained what I felt and he seemed alright. And then he disappeared for a month, if I remember correctly. I sent him a message and an email, and I asked if he was alright and if I had done anything wrong to make him react this way. He said it wasn't my fault. Then he disappeared for 2 months. At that point, I was feeling that he needed time to sort himself out, which was why I wasn't looking for him on a daily or weekly basis but after more than 2 months, I wrote to him again and said I was worried about him, to which he told me to not waste my energy and to move on.I really don't know what happened here. It has been about 4 months since the first disappearance and I am still struggling to understand the situation. I suppose the reason why I am still affected is because I could really talk to him and he could handle my emotions very well. I would prefer to have him as a friend rather than out of my life completely, but it appears that it is one-sided.Could anyone please shed some light? I have come up with all sorts of scenarios - from him being actually married to him being an online predator, to him being afraid of wasting my time. I have thought it all - but I just can't seem to move on because I just need to know why.
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female
reader, lovebuzz  +, writes (13 February 2010):
 this same exact thing just happened to me.i met this guy online and we would chat for hours and we shared ALOT of the same interest and he didn't even live that far from me.he added me to every social networking he add and as soon as i signed in he would IM me at all of them at once.then i felt like where have you been all my life. i was really falling for him and then he just started disappearing in the middle of our convo's and not talk to me for days when we had been talking everyday. my roomate said maybe he's feeling the same way and it's scaring him.so i thought ok. then i started looking into him more and realized he had all women on his sites and they all told him how great he was and this and that.i call them ego whores.i think he gets off on hearing how great he is from all these women like he's casanova.anyways i got taken advantage of and used and all i got out of it was a broken heat and no self respect(i did things i wouldn't normally do i'm not happy about it)i found out he does have a girlfriend and i feel like an idiot.it sucks and i'm sorry it happened to you.the way i look at is it's good it happened online and not in person because things could have progressed and we hurt even worse.we were probably saved alot of heartache.everything happends for happens for a reason if we don't understand it at first.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the replies. I think what I cannot understand is that he seemed really genuine when we were close. Is it too much for me to expect him to just be honest and tell me the truth? I guess so.
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A
female
reader, SsSs +, writes (30 November 2009):
he actually got someone in his life. Thats what my boyfriend does when we don't talk for couple of days he goes online taking to women and yeah when i am not here as well.he does that. He does not know that i know everything about it. I read each and every messages send to them and them to him. I am so hurt and i closed on myself, I am not close to him that much anymore. Working on staying away from him.
So my advice to you would be stay away from those kind of people, they just gonna make you believe they are someone who they are not.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (30 November 2009):
 Sounds like this was a married man just out to get his thrill.... He has probably found some other woman to chat to....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2009): It was a virtual connection and it is gone. I feel sorry for you because this has happened to several friends... For an instant connection, it does not cost much to unload online. All it involves is sitting at the computer and typing.
His connection was more with an online world, less with a real you, as a real person. Now a real life situation must have held him so he is getting out, at very little cost - all he has to do is be invisible to you.
I know people who invest emotions in online situations but its never good to do it unless you can back those with safe and strong real situations.
Pl find another interest and ignore this man.
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