A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:When I was a child I was abused (sexually) by my older brother. I've had no contact with him for years except for the past year when my father got sick and he was there. Aside from my mom, the rest of my family does not know about it. Being in my late 30's now, I'm totally ok mentally with what happened and I rarely think about it.Do you think it's necessary for me to divulge this fact to my partner if I'm in a long term relationship? In the past I haven't, simply because I don't know how or if a partner could handle it and how their view of me might change. Plus it doesn't really impact my life at this point anymore. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 May 2010):
 I dont think their view of you would change. Its not like you did anything. They'd definitely change their view about your brother though.
I think if you are in a long term, devoted relationship, there should be no sceletons in the closet and no secrets.
A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (15 May 2010):
 To find the peace of mind i think you can talk about this to your partner. I think it is more positive if you are the one who will tell this to your partner, he loves you and he will understand and giving you more comfort. Hopefully not but i think it is not good when your partner find this out from other person, i think that would hurt him so much. I think he will more appriciate if you let him know that you trust him in this situation. Im sorry for what happen in the past, i really wish you find your peace of mind and soul. For now please be strong, the higher power above will guide you always.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010): In any relationship,trust is very important..and it comes from being honest to each other.I believe you should be open enough with your partner to tell him about your past,whether good or bad.It will build honesty and help you heal any emotional problems that may crop up because of the past abuse.And again,if your partner truly loves you,he should be able to accept what happened in your past and stand by you.so,just be honest..
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A
male
reader, True  +, writes (15 May 2010):
I say yes if you trust and love him because if something happens to devulg your information or come back to haunt you in some way then your boyfriend would have a hard time understanding whats wrong when he wants to comfort you and same goes with you having kids if want them then you should tell your partner and be aware of your brother.
GL
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): If this guy is a good guy and has proven himself to be truthworthy to you, then I would say yes, you should tell him. Because, child abuse is so pre. in our society, some people are leary about getting involved with people who have been abused for fear that they might be emotionally unstable and unfit to be parents. But if you healthy mentally and you are an honest person, a good person who wishes to have a healthy and loving relationship and if your partner is the same way, then I do think this is something you should tell him and then take it from there. Besides, what if the two of you decide to have kids? He has every right to know that your brother is a child abuser that way he can be aware. It doesn't matter if the brother comes around or not...he has a right to know for his own mental good.
If you feel more comfortfortable, have your mother there with you. Also, I think when you tell him, do it in person, in a calm and sincere manner and try not to cry about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): dear i dont think so that it is important enough to be discussed with ur partner as long as u r feeling OK.but if THIS INCIDENT IS disturbing u mentally then u can discuss with your partner. just to get mental satisfaction. coz ur partner cant help u with this , he can only give u mental support.be strong and keep this secret to urself unless ur brother is not harm for u anymore. regardsKHURRAM
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