A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,i love my girlfriend and we have been together for 1 and a half year. I am 20 y.o and she's 19. It’s our first real relationship. We are comfortable with each other, since we spend a lot(!) of time with each other.Before i start explaining the real problem, i have to mention that she has problems with her family. They don’t really care about her. And I see it by myself. Her father used to hit her when she was younger, they didn’t give her attention at all. They hardly give her money to go out or even to visit a doctor for a health issue!I live alone in an apartment in the city, away from my family because my university is in the city.The problem in our relationship is that, she feels like i don't pay much attention to her like i used to in the first days. She thinks that i am wrong and gets mad over little (in my opinion) things. But let me give some examples.Two days ago, it was afternoon and she was at my place where she slept the previous night. She was getting ready to go to work but first she would pass by her house. Then i told her, not in a bad way, "later i will go to the supermarket to buy things to put in the fridge, and to get something to eat..Baby, can you please tell your mom to go to the supermarket and buy some stuff, so you will also have things to eat?" Then she got mad and said that what i said was very bad.. But frankly, she lives at my place for the past 15months, i (my parents) pay all the bills and the costs. And I'm fed up with her mom's attitude, refusing to pay anything!That night we talked again about that, she was waiting me to apologize about what i said, but i refused, and i tried to explain why i said these things.Then she got more mad, and after a lot of arguments she asked me to break up and asked me to leave, cause I'm breaking her heart. Then i told her that i don't want to, and that i will try to fix things and make our relationship better, and she accepted. An hour later (it was 5 a.m), i was about to leave and go to my place to sleep. When i was about to stand up, she took my hand and started crying and said "what you gonna do?". I said "baby, you already know what I'm gonna do""It's about time to leave..". Then she kept crying and said that i said it the wrong way and that i shouldn't leave and we should sleep together and I'm breaking her heart...Today we said we would go out for walk. When i went to pick her up, i called her to inform her that i was waiting outside her home. I kept on trying to call her cellphone, for 15 minutes, then i called at her home phone, her mother answered and then went to wake her up (!). She didn't even apologize for that, she opened and then we sat down at her bed, while she was half-awake. She started coughing, and after she poked me and said "what's wrong with you? You seem like you don't care, I'm coughing, you don't pay attention". And then again, she got mad at me for that, and after many arguments again, she asked me to leave her alone..Keep in mind that, i never liked (for many reasons) the fact that she stays at my place all the time and sleeps there, and i told her that many times.Also, our relationship is about to end. Is it right that she gets mad at all these things? I can't be sweet and loving and nice aaalll the time, I'm human, i have my ups and downs. And when we are together all the time... i think you understand.I'm sorry for the long message, but I'm really frustrated and sad. i can't give the whole image of our relationship and our other problems, it's been 18 months..But please give me an answer and if you think i do something wrong, please tell me. Do you also think i made this girl spoiled? What should i do now?
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male
reader, True  +, writes (15 May 2010):
Although zayla80 is mostly right about how you need to settle it and try to make your girlfriend gratefull and all their are some things you shouldnt say like how you ask her to get her parents to do things because when my sis moved out aswell we only gave her money on emergencys and nothing else and when i meen emergencys i meen like a hospital visit and nothing else and in her case asking for food form her parents would obviously make her mad because if her parents are that bad then like you said that dont even give her emergency money but thats what you get for moving out because you shouldnt rely on other people if you make such decisions, but if she has a job and all then why cant she atleast buy grocerys for the both of you?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): Although she may have had a hard time growing up...that should be even more reason for her to appreciate all the great things you do for her...God...I wish my boyfriend went all out for me in that manner. She is taking you for granted and if you don't put a stop to it, she is going to continue to use you and take you for granted and that can lead to other things like cheating.
Your gf is relying on you to make her feel good emotionally and you have tried but here is the deal: you can't make her feel good about herself---that is something she need to do on her own. You have your own life to live, your own dreams to attain, your own family to deal with and if she is acting ungrateful and unconcerned about your feelings now, it will not get any better in the future.
You didn't do anything wrong...your gf is being selfish and unconcerned towards you. She needs to be grateful to have you considering that she has a troubled past with her own family. She doesn't need to be in a relationship...she needs to be in therapy
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