A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just broke up with my long time girlfriend about 2 weeks ago. And although we've been together for a very long time, i fell out of love with her for about a month now. Now, i have gone out on dates with this other girl that i really like, and we might become a couple, but my question is should i tell her that i JUST got out of a big relationship or should it not be a issue seeing as i knew it was ending and moved on.Also, if i do end up telling her, what should i say to her in order to make her feel that i am 100% focused on her, and not my ex?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): From a female point of view, I still think it is unfair of you not to tell this girl that you recently, very recently ended a long term relationship.
The fact that you aren't sad, and are excited about this new girl so soon tells me that in fact you are on the rebound, you just don't realize it yet....this new girl is a distraction to your deeper feelings, and they will surface into your concious mind soon enough, and then she and you will both be blind sided.
I am not suggesting it is wrong of you to feel the way you do or to date this young lady, but without going into any great detail with her, tell her about your recent break up and that you would like to take things slow with her so as not to ruin a potential great thing with her....be her friend first!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): first of all thank you for all of your feedback. (this is the original poster)
I understand where some of you are coming from saying its a "rebound relationship", but the thing about it is that i dont feel at all sad about anything, i feel happy about going after this new girl and i feel 100% over my ex.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (13 January 2008):
 Well I would agree that whether you have moved on maybe a little debatable purely by the fact that you asked this question and its still on your mind but be that as it may, i don't see how not giving full disclosure is lying. New relationships take time to bed in and there is a time when you gradually explore each others past but two weeks in probably isn't it. She has a past too and it will open up to you as you get to know each other better.
If she does ask then don't lie but other than that let the process unfold, making a point of saying it would probably just cause unnecessary problems right now; it will most likely lead to her making the assumption that some writers have here that you are on the rebound. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, xylplxym  +, writes (13 January 2008):
Definitly don't tell her. Since this new girl is not a close friend, she's not exactly going to expect something like that. And if you didn't know the number one way to lose a girl's interest is to talk about old girlfriends.rhythmandblues2 brings a good point up that you could just be rebounding. If you feel bad about doing that or still need time to heal, don't tell her about your previous breakup and come off needy, just don't go out with her for a while.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): I am sure this is not what you want to hear....if you broke up with a long term girlfriend just a mere two weeks ago, and already you have met someone else and think you may be a couple, you are going through a classic rebound relationship...which most often does not last more than a couple or a few months. I think you OWE it to this new girl to tell her you just got out of a "big Relationship", you don't have to go into gorey detail, but she deserves to know that you, my friend are on the rebound.
You need time to heal whether you intitiated the break up or not, just because you think you fell out of love, does not make you immune to the repurcussions of a big break up with a long term love.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, crzay5carol +, writes (13 January 2008):
Yes you should tell her because that was a part of your life and honestly if you don't tell her your hiding something from her and you shouldn't feel like you should hide anything from her. If you tell her and she can't accept that. And shes constantly bringing it up or constantly nagging you about it. then maybe shes not the girl for you. It just shows you that she is insecure and you don't want to be involved with someone like that because you have to constantly reassure them on how you feel. In my opinion its not worth ever to reassure someone over and over again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): Try to forget about the past with your ex. If you truly have gotten over her and she will not be a part of your life anymore move on and focus on this new girl, it sounds like you really want to be with her so tell her. It's hard to completely forget the past but try to put your past r/ship with your ex out of your mind, and think of your new girl. As for telling her about your ex, it's up to you, everyone has an ex somewhere. I do think though that honesty is important, esp when starting a new r/ship, dishonesty will eat you up. good luck
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (13 January 2008):
 What is past is past. What is yours is yours before you met her. You do not have to complicate matters or clutter her mind with what happened in the past, keep it to yourself. It does not serve any purpose.
It is your actions and not words which she can see ...
A woman moves by sense and feelings.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): There's always a point in a new relationship when you naturally have a "past relationships" chat. How in-depth or detailed that talk is depends on both parties' preferences, of course, but that would be a more natural time to introduce this little fact. If you honestly believe that the recent past relationship will have no bearing on the present one ("rebounding" is really not a given, in spite of what pop culture would have us believe), then you should express that. And if the dating has been good and healthy up to this point, that in itself should prove that you've moved on, more than your words will.Nutshell: Don't sweat it, or she'll start sweating.
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A
female
reader, LisaMunchkin +, writes (12 January 2008):
 hello babes,Well my advice to you is that, if you are really 100% sure on this new girl that you have got close too and you no that she is 100% feeling the same and you are completely over your ex girlfriend then there is no harm in telling your new girl because you obviously have a good type of trust with the new girl. You could just mention to her generally that you have just come out of a long term relationship... eg (" i really really like you, and it feels nice to be in love with you because after coming out of my long term relationship which i'm completely over iv found somebody like you which is brilliant"), just a thought. If she likes you enough she will understand and everything will be okay. Don't worry about this; just tell her straight up you are 100% focused on her and nobody else. Hope i've helped :)LisaMunchkin
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female
reader, just-ask-xx +, writes (12 January 2008):
 You should tell her.
Sorry for being so frank, but girls don't like being lied to, even if it's just not telling the truth completely.
Just tell her, if you like her, people that are in love don't keep things from eachother, I know that =]
Don't worry, if this girl's cool, she should be able to handle an ex. Even a jealous one =]
Hope everything works out, and keep posted if you do! xo
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): Well if you are 100% focused on her then don't tell her. That's just going to complicate things and may make her feel insecure and conjure up things in her head about your emotional state. If you are not trying to cause any harm, then I don't see anything wrong with a little white lie.
And of course it may come up in conversation when you two start asking about eachothers exes. In that case don't lie. And when it does come up say as casually as you can that you recently broke up with your ex and it's the best thing you've done cause you met her. And if she asks you questions about the break up be honest, don't get nervous and be straightforward. Because since you are not doing anything wrong you should feel confident about whatever you say.
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female
reader, naturesb +, writes (12 January 2008):
 Hi, yes I think you should be honest with her from the start, She may not like it though, 2 weeks seems kind of soon to be starting up with another relationship. You may transfer issues from the past relationship to this one. Good Luck to you!
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