A
female
age
30-35,
*mij
writes:hi,i had a question just before. the matter was about my husbands sex with his aunt during his early ages.he tells everything to me openly.but i do have a big secret and i really cheated him.his younger brother stayed with us and was very playful. he used to hug me when i was cooking or doing something. i noticed that he was tactfully using these chances to grab my breasts. one day i caught him red handed. he got scared and kept away from me after that. i felt sorry for this, he became silent and was rarely talking to me after this. one day when we were alone again i went to him started talking. i asked him why he is not playful at all. after much questioning he told that he has a guilt feeling.i consoled him by telling that it is just normal to feel attracted to woman whom he live closely.after that we were close friends and he was playful once again. again i noticed that he tries the same thing. i asked him why he is so. he got blushed and his answered that he likes me very much and really want to be close.here then i was not hesitant and allowed him every right over my body. i think he was new with a woman and with this much freedom. my curiosity increased, i think far more than his. i did not stop him for anything. the increasing thrill let me give him everything that i should give only to my husband.this happened 3-4 times during a span of 3 months.i did not tell any thing to my husband. i don't feel bad about these incidents. but i feel bad about not telling things to my husband. i want to tell everything to my husband. but i am afraid about how he will respond. i don't want to tell him that as you had some relations in the past i too have some relation now.1. can people out here tell me how can i present matter to him?2. if i am a bad woman, how can i correct? - it is a weird question... i know
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female
reader, smij +, writes (23 April 2010):
smij is verified as being by the original poster of the questionin fact, last day when we go out for a trip i disclosed this. i detailed everything. i was not sure about what is going to happen/or how he may feel.
after a talk for while, i asked him does he mind if i am intimate with some body else will he hate me or will he be against me. he told that is not an issue. then after a while i asked him what is his opinion about me getting close with this brother. he then asked me do i have feelings for his brother. when i said yes he got bit surprised.
he then told that he found this reduce in number of condoms during when his brother is here and has that anything to do with this intimacy.
then i told everything that happened. in narrated. he in reply told that he felt something happened and it is not a problem. he was pretty straight forward and he told he enjoys it.
and my dear had given some tips on how to go forward. he suggested me to go forward with it when i feel like to be with his brother. he wants me and his brother to be in absolute privacy and even he does not want to be near us when i am with his brother.
i thought he was just telling everything to console me or to fool me.
but the next day i have got a wonderful night with my husband.
A
female
reader, smij +, writes (22 April 2010):
smij is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok, i got it. but to be frank, i did not play an emotional drama in front of him. i just told facts. and may be in a blunt way.
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A
female
reader, smij +, writes (22 April 2010):
smij is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe asked me why did not i tell it much before. by the way i did not understand what exactly q1605 has told. can you please tell it in clarity. sorry for this.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 Good luck to you two, and just remember how your heart got heavy in the first place. I'd have to agree with q1605, in that the bill of health is not clean, but you're coming clean with what had happened is a step in the right direction.
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A
female
reader, smij +, writes (22 April 2010):
smij is verified as being by the original poster of the questiongals and guysi am relieved ... i spoke-out.yesterday, i gathered all my courage and when i got some time with my husband i told him the fact. everything went positive. when i told him he told that he had some doubt because of the reduced number of condoms during when his brother stayed. he was sure that some thing happened during that time and he was almost sure that i used to have relation with his brother. he did not want to question me and wanted me to tell him.he kissed me on my fore head and ..... appreciated for the truthfulness.he said he love me more and do not care about such things, he is just ok if i am happy.i felt shy when he told me to ensure that i will not run out of stock with condoms.so i feel, this indicates that he is alright if it goes on and want me on protection.i had a heavy heart and now i am free. i have got nothing to hide. thanks for all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): the longer you wait to tell the more bad it might be.... you should tell the truth. and ur the one allowed him to touch you ....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): the more longer you wait to tell the more bad it might be.... you should tell the truth. and ur the one allowed him to touch you ....
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (20 April 2010):
Going from, "how will he respond?" to, "Hey honey, slept with your brother, hope you don't mind if it continues?" When you got married, did you vows say, "be with your husband, and sleep with who you lust over?" If that was what you were wanting, you could have said, "No I will not marry you." Advise for your husband, "Know who you're marrying before you do."
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A
female
reader, smij +, writes (20 April 2010):
smij is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsome more to add..., he is 19 too.beginning when i told him that he can be absolutely free with me he was happy and just was kidding around. i did not take matters seriously.one day when i took a afternoon nap, i felt a tickling sensation over my body and i enjoyed it. when i opened my eyes slowly i found this guy was licking on my breast which was accessible from the left hand side of my shirt (i worn a loose sleeveless blouse). that was the moment when i was unable to resist. i let him do it and slowly we progressed.my case is like this way:i do not have anything against my husband. same time i am unable to forget this guy. i want both of them.i feel this way, i love my husband and he satisfy me sexually. i have a lust towards my BIL.i do not want to compare them. both are good. i am pleased with the sexual satisfaction i get from both. i do not want to loose BIL. i do not thinking what will be after when my BIL will have his girl friend.in matters of sex both my hubby and his brother do things differently and i like both.it was my fascination that a guy shaving off my under arms and pubes. my husband never cared for this though i asked for. but my BIL did it for me. i did not ask him, he took me to the bath room and did it himself and i was surprised.i want to tell my husband and wish he approves for it. i will be able to manage secrecy to anybody other than my husband.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): Do not tell your husband. He may hurt you. Use your guilt to keep you from cheating again.You are not a bad woman, just very young. Honor your husband by being a faithful wife.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 April 2010):
The only way to heal a marriage is to have a marriage that is based off honesty. You're sleeping with his brother and not telling him is dishonest. It is soooo important for you to tell him what had happened to have any chance of having your marriage be honest. As long as you keep it a secret, your marriage is like living a lie. So, yes tell him you slept with his brother.
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A
female
reader, smij +, writes (18 April 2010):
smij is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni dont understand many things in the reply
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A
female
reader, Jo Rocks  +, writes (18 April 2010):
 Are you saying that your husband was sexually abused by his Aunt? Now you, his wife are getting busy with his brother who is how old.....since your age is only 18 - 21 he has to be younger. Wow, yeah a strange situation indeed...Jerry Springer I'm sure is looking for new cast members if you'd like to apply.
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A
female
reader, bucket1  +, writes (17 April 2010):
you have to tell him, any good relationship balances on good communication. & if you don't tell him, he may find out another way & then he'll not want to give you time of day.
at the end of the day, you can't really 'present' this to him in anyway that is wrapped up with a bow. it's a bad think you've done & no amount of words could make that go away. just because you did it, doesn't make you a bad person, but you do have to face the consicouncess now. everyone makes mistakes, the most decent thing you could do is tell him!
& as for the continious cheating, you need to pick the brother you want because it doesn't seem as though you love your husband to keep doing this to him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2010): im waiting for question three. Do i have time to get a coke and pop a bag of popcorn? Is his brothers penis dark and bent? Did he also have a relationship with the maternal aunt? Or only the sister in law? Hmmmm...
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 April 2010):
 You know it is not right to do it with his brother.
He may not keep any secrets from you but whether he can just accept what you did to him is another matter. Man have a bigger ego.
If you were to tell him ,will you be able to take the punishment.
In Kuwait, the Sharia law is very strict.You could be given 100 lashes or be stoned to death.
Think carefully before you want to take this action.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (17 April 2010):
I disagree with the other poster. Honesty and trust in a marriage are foundational. That is they are an "absolute" to the foundation of a healthy marriage.
You don't feel guilt for what you had done. That's fine, that's you, and if you don't see that it is wrong, that is o.k. as well. What is not is keeping it from your husband. Just as you made your choice to do what you had done. You do not have a right to strip away choice from your husband, if these behaviors are allowed within this marriage.
For every choice we enter into, their are consequences. Some of which are positive and some which are negative. Within this truth, it is also true that your husband need to be allowed to decide for himself. Think of it this way, "if a man is against adultery, is it o.k. for their spouse to include adultery in their marriage, without allowing the one they claim to love the choice to decide if such acts are appropriate?"
This is where I disagree with the other poster. To "keep from" or "deny" truth in a marriage violates the foundation by which marriage and / or friendships are developed. Just as any foundation, if it's weakened or built with cracks, it will collapse.
I would tell him. You chose the act, therefore, with fear or not, agreed to accept the consequences of your actions. This is the only way, if he chose to forgive and work on the marriage, that your marriage would have even the slightest change of sustaining.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (17 April 2010):
 I don't think anything good is going to come out of telling him.
Don't do it again.
Deny it flat out if the issue ever comes up.
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