A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am doing long distance with my girlfriend for 2 years. I am about to propose to her and move in together, but for the next month we will still be apart. Last week, I kissed another girl. There was absolutely no emotional connection. Should I tell my future fiance?
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male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (1 December 2007):
 Well I answered this question first and I said you shouldn’t tell her about it. So far every one after me, mostly women have disagreed with me. I guess my point was just proven… overwhelmingly a lot of girls got pretty angry with you for even kissing this girl and are even questioning your love for your fiancé! That’s exactly the kind of anger I was talking about.
Now I’m not going to stand here and defend what you did. It was wrong. Yes, I’m saying it was wrong. But I still stand with what I said about not telling her about it. In my brief answer I said not to do it to avoid the conflict…..but its more than that. It’s also a very SELFISH act for you to do this and drop it on her lap. Some sins are meant to be kept between you God. It’s not lying to her to keep this from her, but to throw this on her face only clears your conscious while putting your relationship in jeopardy. For this very reason the Catholic Church created the confessional. You go there and anonymously confess your sins to a priest and God.
I do not believe there is a single person who replied to you that has never committed a sin. Only one man had ever lived on this earth without sin. I am a Christian, and you and all the ladies here may have believed I wasn’t based on the fury I engendered from a few.
In this world you commit sins. Hopefully you learn from them, and you grow up a better person. I think you did learn from it….if you believe in God, ask him for your forgiveness and the ability to learn from it.
There are only three entities you can unburden your sins on…one is God, two is your priest or religious leader, and three is your psychiatrist. With everybody else you have to use discretion.
This is why when you start out dating or even are married to your one great love you don’t discuss your past relationships and what you did with them. Some things just go unsaid and should stay that way. I have never told my wife about all the things I did with my past relationships, and if I did I know it would hurt her. And in the same vain I do not care to know about her past boyfriends and what they did together. That’s in the past and is not important.
Even leading psychiatrists will tell you that telling her about this stupid kiss will only serve to damage your relationship only to make YOU feel better. Listen to Dr Laura. She says it too. It’s an act of selfishness….. Not an act of bravery and courage. It’s actually more brave to keep it inside you.
It’s not the cowardly thing to do not to tell her. It’s the right thing to do.
But as flower girl also added, if there is a way for her to find out about this then you should tell her. You have already stated this is a long-distance relationship, and on that assumption I would think the only way for her to know about it is for you to tell her.
A lot of people are going to disagree with me, and I can live with that. I don’t mind being the lone voice of reason.
Peace out.
A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (1 December 2007):
I really think you should tell her and show that you are truly sorry.That way,chances of forgiveness are higher.Choose a place and time that both of you are relaxed and romantic.Don't tell her when you are arguing or upset with her.The bottom line is to show that you are sorry and promise to never do it again.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): I think firstly you have to ask yourself why when you are in a stable and what I can persume happy relationship would you go and kiss another girl in the first place, maybe if you are doing such things you shouldn't be moving in or proposing if you cant stay faithful in a long distance no pressure relationship. And think how you would feel if she did the smae thing would you really want to marry and live with her then?
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A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (1 December 2007):
 Only tell her about it, if you are not 100% sure that it will not get back to her from someone else, as if she is going to haer it it would at least be better if coming from you.
Otherwise i would keep quiet about it, as we all make mistakes, i just hope you realise that you have done wrong.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, fairygurl  +, writes (1 December 2007):
Why did u kiss this other girl, if u love ur girlfriend and are going to ask her to marry u???? i would tel her, say u were drunk and u didnt know what u were doin and that u regret it. that it menat nothing and she will forgive you. its better to get it out there!!!!
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (1 December 2007):
 Yes tell her. My sister b/f did this to her, she found out not by her b/f but by going on his account. Point is she felt worse that he didn't tell her but she found out another way. She'll trust you more if you tell her, if it shows its tearing you up inside and make it show your never do it again, she'll forgive you and I promise you in the long run she will trust you more then finding out another way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): If you kissed another girl when you are clearly in love with your future fiance then you are foolish.
Also, I think SamuraiRick is taking the cowardly way out by telling you not to tell her in case an argument arises, but he has a point in it breaking her trust in you.
I am female, and telling you from my point of view, she would appreciate your honesty, and if she loves you, she would be willing to let you start a fresh slate. Sure, she WILL be angry, but if you are planning to spend the rest of your life with her, then you should be honest with her at the very least.
At the end of the day, it's up to you- if your conscience will bother you, then tell her. If not, then keep it secret, but bear in mind that it may not be a secret forever, and it might be worse when she eventually DOES find out.
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A
female
reader, bqagirl2692 +, writes (1 December 2007):
 I am in a long-distace relationship as well for about 1 year and a half. I can tell this little secret of yours is starting to kill you little by little. You love this girl and you are ready to commit to her, she has the right to know the little mistake that you made. Tell her that you had no connection with that person. It is better now than never because if you tell her in the future, there would be no trust in you at all. You were man enough to make the mistake so you should be man enough to take responsibilty for your actions and tell her the truth. Of course she is going to be upset but sooner or later she'll realize and admire the fact you were honest with her. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (1 December 2007):
If you love your Fiance, and I should think you do, you should never tell her about this event. It could do some damage to your trust with her. Keep it to yourself and let it be forgotten. This ia a discussion which could lead to an arguement you don't need on your hands.
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