A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:its been about 6 six years now since I left college and I got along really well with my maths teacher and I started to develop strong passionate feelings towards him , I was aware it was not appropriate so I have never told anyone or him .just recently I saw him shopping and all of these feelings have come back now im older , im not sure whether to message him to tell him how I truly feel and felt as I feel if I don't tell him I will just feel frustrated and a failure and if I tell him maybe he would like to meet up , should I tell him or not , how can I get over my feelings for him , ive tried my hardest . how can I cope with this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, OldSoulGirl  +, writes (21 July 2019):
I realize that I’m late to the party here, but I wanted to check in to say that I hope you didn’t take action. In many cases, these feelings of passion you think you’re having for him are being confused with admiration/idolization. He’s getting paid to put on a good front so he can set an example for the young adults in his class getting ready to join the real world. I’m saying this to you as someone who has had a few older crushes myself - not to say not of my experiences were real. Yours sounds like it’s just a common case of dry spell. You don’t have any actual romantic feelings for this man. You haven’t seen him in 6 years, and it sounds like you haven’t spared a single thought about him. Most educators wouldn’t consider having a relationship with an ex-student so don’t go there. The fact that you suddenly care now and want to message him out-of-the-blue just spells out disaster. To be brutally honest, you sound like a very impressionable young lady who will just about fall head over heels for any man who puts on a good image for the public. You know nothing about him personally. Age gap relationships have a small success rate so just move on and leave him be.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (19 April 2019):
 Strange that you realized, years ago when you were younger, that these feelings were "not appropriate" and kept them to yourself yet now, 6 years on, you suddenly feel differently about them. Is it just that he is no longer your teacher?
Regardless of age, messaging someone you haven't seen in years to tell them you have "passionate feelings" for them is enough to make most people run for the hills in fear. What was it you were thinking of saying to him?
I would suggest two possible different ways to handle this:
1. Next time you see him, say hello and get into conversation with him. Ask him how he has been. By all means tell him you enjoyed his lessons. Tell him it was lovely bumping into him. IF he is single and interested, he should then make an effort to keep in contact with you. If he is not available/interested, then that will be the end of your contact until you bump into him again.
2. Get out, make friends, meet new people. When you meet someone with whom you can have a fulfilling relationship, this crush will suddenly cease to be such a major part of your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2019): Messaging someone out of the clear blue and proclaiming your feelings might not come-across as mentally-stable. Holding onto a crush so long; and then becoming so overwhelmed is heading for obsession. Your infatuation is going just a wee bit overboard.
You've probably had a dry-spell in your love-life; or hit a few failed romances that left you a little bruised emotionally. Try to think this out.
Maybe you've kept your crush going by fantasizing about him; and creating scenarios in your mind that may never come-true. Not to mention, it is presumptuous to assume he's available. Believing without certainty that he has no romantic-interests in his life; or perhaps he might even be married.
Just throw all caution to the wind and let the chips fall where they may? Is that the plan? Perhaps you shouldn't.
You claim he was out of sight out of mind; until you saw him shopping. Then just like that, all these powerful feelings burst out of thin air? Now you're considering messaging him?
Wait a minute!!! Get a grip there, girlfriend!
Why do I get this feeling you've been keeping tabs on him on social media all along?
He doesn't have a clue, and you've had too much of a head-start. You might have had feelings since college; but he hasn't heard from you in six years!
He hasn't seen hide nor hair of you in six years; and you think he's waiting for you with open arms? He has seen hundreds of students since; and you've faded in his memory by now. Slow-down, my dear! Slow your roll!
Professing your romantic feelings to people doesn't automatically make them reciprocate.
It was a teenage crush, and people in his profession get quite used to that. It's a common thing.
It happens when impressionable young people get caught-up in their admiration and idolization. They presume it to be feelings of love and affection. The problem here is, you want to spring it on him; with no idea what kind of reaction you'd get. The fact that you're letting your impulses overtake you; is almost certainly qualifying the feelings as obsession.
I think you should let these feelings pass. I honestly think maintaining self-control and managing your impulses might be a better idea. The whole thing could turn into an awkward embarrassment for both of you. If he has a wife, girlfriend, or fiance that you're unaware of; you'd cause trouble for him, and he may respond very negatively to you.
Take a chill-pill. It's one of those things that seems like a great idea until it hits the air.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (18 April 2019):
 Nope. You’ve hung on to a childhood crush. Time to maturely let it go. He won’t be as perfect as you made him out to be. He’s a fantasy, so accept it for what it is and find someone your age, who you can get to know properly. A crush won’t last so long if you’re genuinely trying to get over it.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 April 2019):
 No, it's a crush that stuck with you.
You were/are INFATUATED with the man, not in LOVE. Huge difference.
Also, do you know if he is even single? If he is married how on Earth would you justify reaching out to "confess" your feelings? Seriously. You are OLD enough to know what a crush is, it's FANTASY.
You probably made him into this "perfect guy" in your head and this crush has resurfaced when you saw him again.
You have put him up on this MASSIVE pedestal of unrequited feelings and he has become this amazing man. A man YOU never really knew. You saw his "PROFESSIONAL side" when he was AT WORK as a professor at a college. Who he is as a person you have NO idea about.
How have you "tried" to get over your crush? I think you need to "try" a bit harder.
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