A
male
age
26-29,
*arrendsmit
writes:Hi everyone, I did post my question earlier this week and i did get good feedback so thank you to those who did help, but I do feel as if I left out a lot of information and it is quite a confusing situation I find myself in so I’d like to give this another attempt.To give you a brief background of my relationship. I had been dating this girl for nearly two years; she seemed into me everything seemed perfect, almost like i had the perfect relationship at first, but over time things changed. Her parents were very controlling over her, she was never allowed to spend the night at my house, I always had to be at her house even on weekends we had to stay there and whenever she asked if we could spend the weekend at my place her parents would give a pathetic excuse as to why we couldn’t. But I just came to accept that. Her father was very accepting of me and told me quite often that he liked me, the family would take me on holiday with them and i was always around and no one seemed to mind. My ex and i didn’t ever fight, if we ever had an argument we would resolve it quite quickly and she would reassure me that she was very much happy with me whenever id ask. Her family did however fight a lot. Her parents slept in different rooms of the house and were both unhappy and admitted that they would not get divorced cause that will lower their standard of living. Which neither wanted. But due to the fact that her parents and brother were unhappy, a lot of the time they would take their frustrations out on my ex and treat her like utter shit. Which she let them do and when i asked why she wouldn’t stand up to them she would explain that it would just make the situation worse. So due to the fact that her parents were controlling a lot of the time we couldn’t go out and it eventually got to the point that we were just sitting on the couch watching tv every weekend which i didn’t mind cause she asked if we could. Skipping a months ahead my ex is now in collage and the group of friends she hangs out with are they type of people who go out each night and get drunk and sleep around, which didn’t distil a lot of confidence in me. But when they asked her to go out with them she would kindly decline there offer and say she would rather be with me. Now during my relationship i did start to convince my ex to stand up for herself when it came to her parents and brother whom she did and it started making life a bit unbearable at her house on weekends. It eventually got to the point that she told her parents if they don’t sort out the main issue which was her brother and the fighting doesn’t stop she will start spending weekends at my house which her parents weren’t happy about. But she gave them till this April to sort it out. Now as much as my ex’s father does piss her off he is her role model and she will make his opinion a priority over everything. So beginning of this year i wasn’t able to pay for my own studies and a couldn’t find a job to help even though i was looking so i was stuck in life, which my ex seemed to be understanding of the situation. Two months ago the last weekend i spent with my ex she got into a fight with her family and for the first time ever turned around and told them she is done with there shit and wants to be with me instead. This took place on a Saturday night. She ignored her parents completely for the next two days. That Tuesday my ex left me. She seemed offish with me and when i asked her why she straight out of the blue told me how she had been unhappy for months and that her father thinks im holding her back and im going to drag her down with me because im not studying. She went on to tell me how because of me she doesn’t see her friends and we just sit at home all the time, basically all the things she told me she didn’t mind during our relationship seem to now be the reason she left me. And i told her we can try work through it. She told me there was nothing to work through cause there was no relationship to work for. She left me gave me all my stuff back and blocked me on every social media and when i tried to message her and ask her if we could talk about what happened because I’m so lost and confused cause it came out of nowhere she told me to leave her alone and never speak to her again. Since then i have been told by my friends that she is posting horrible things about me on face book, stuff like how she is so much happier and deserves a guy who treats her right which i felt i did treat her right. Stuff like how she felt like a prisoner and now she is free. So fellow cupids my question is, wtf went wrong??? Did i do something wrong did i push her by trying to get her to stand up for herself, did she never really love me? Why did she tell me she was happy if she claims she never was? What the hell happened?And if she is the one who left me why is she posting such horrible comments and posts about me on face book if it was her decision to leave me. Please help me because it has been two months since she has left me and i still have no idea what went wrong. And she refuses to give me any form of closure.
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confidence, divorce, drunk, my ex, on holiday Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2019): She does not want to blame her family for the way they are so you were the closest and she deflected the blame onto you.Maybe where you are you can get a restraint order so she can't post lies anymore.Or you can use her for slander.You can also complain to Facebook and maybe they would remove her from there.Your real friends will know what she posts is not true.If they believe her they are not your friends.Sorry this had to happen to you but it is for the best as she is broken.It is good you are not in a relationship with her as she needs lots of professional help that you cannot give her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2019): From all considerations, this is a case of good riddance. If she’s talking nonsense, let her. It reflects poorly on her, not on you. Besides, the truth always comes out. To fret over this is unnecessary.
Love, M
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2019): Writing a longer post and adding more backstory doesn't change the outcome. She still dumped you, and she's posting bad things about you on social media.
She doesn't owe you any further explanations or any further closure.
You're wasting your time trying to figure-out what when wrong. The fact remains, she ended it. So you have little choice but to accept her wishes and move on.
Stop checking=up on her, and avoid her friends who come running to tell you every terrible thing she's posting. She had a choice to keep you, if she wanted to. Teenagers don't give-up on their relationships no matter how much pressure they get from anybody. The more anyone tries to part them, the tighter they get. Why can't you accept that the decision was hers and hers alone? She has a brain and her own will.
Whatever the reason, it's over. You will do better-off if you stop trying to make sense of it. It won't change anything and hassling her for closure will turn into harassment.
You have to accept things as they are. I standby every word in my first response. It might take you a little while to digest it. You're numb, confused, feeling hurt and rejected. Nothing anybody says makes you feel any better. Nobody likes to get dumped. I've been there, and done that. I know how it feels, that's how I ended-up at DC. It didn't make sense why I got dumped either. I survived, and so will you.
That's why I wrote this:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/when-will-i-finally-get-over-the-breakup.html
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 April 2019):
 I think she is behaving in the manner she has watched her parents act.
They fight a lot and they take it out on her.
When things came to shove, she now takes it out on you. JUST like her parents do with her.
Someone has been feeding her some sense mixed with bullshit. That is what I think. Maybe her dad did sit her down and talk to her about you two living together. You with no just and no finished degree... there isn't much you can do to support the two of you right now. Which is true, she just added her own little twist.
My advice is this.
1. DON'T ever tell a partner they can't hang out with friends. Either you can TRUST your partner or you can't.
2. She doesn't OWE you closure. YOU give yourself closure in the sense that you ACCEPT that she no longer wants to be with you.
3. EVERYONE and their grandmother like to make themselves out to be the "victim". JUST like she is.
4. STAY far far away from her, her social media etc.
5. FOCUS on you own goals and future. You are young and will down the line meet MANY more women, some which might be MUCH better fits over all and some that might not.
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