| A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Hello. I have a 35 year old boyfriend he is very handsome and active. He looks younger than his age which is a bonus. I love him so much and we have great sex since day one. He has introduced me to his family and friends and recently we got engaged. I have been having this idea of allowing my man to have sex with other ladies. At first I was angry when I found messages of him texting another lady but somehow letting her down. He was nice to her but never ignoring most of her text messages. He seemed to have had something with the lady but now when I think of it. It actually turns me on thinking about him having sex with her. Like I can see he is serious about me but it's like he has a wandering eye and funny it doesn't bother me. Do you think I should tell him about this fantasy? I would also love to watch him do it or tell me about it.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 January 2018):
 Honestly plenty of people imagine this fantasy but once it is acted out, a lot of the time it back fires. Why? Because so many things can go wrong. You might not think you could get jealous but it happens more times than not. If you are watching and you think she is hotter than you, she seems to be having sex better than you, he seems to be more in to it with her than ever with you. He may develop feelings for her. Lots can go wrong and it usually is the start to an end. If you guys are engaged then I truly don't understand why you would want to marry someone who you are willing to share? Personally it would make me physically sick if I saw my husband with another woman, it would break my heart.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (26 January 2018):
 This fantasy is common, but rarely ends well once made real.
She's prettier?
Better for him in bed?
He falls for her?
He wants to continue having sex with her?
OP, think about it realistically, not just as a fantasy. The number of things that can (and probably would) go wrong is massive.
Once you mention it, you can't go back. You can change your mind, but he may not be happy just having sex with you, once you've suggested he have sex with others.
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A
male
reader, Phil052 +, writes (26 January 2018):
 I think you should tread carefully. However, we all have our fantasies and this is quite a common one, especially for men who are turned on by the thought of their wives/girlfriends having sex with other men.
I think the best approach is to bring up the subject of sexual fantasies generally, have some fun discussing the sexual thoughts that turn you on, and take it from there. you can discuss fantasies without them necessarily becoming reality.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (26 January 2018):
 I think you need to realize that fantasy is far removed from reality. This scenario may well turn you on as a fantasy because YOU have full control of what happens and how it happens. You also have full control of your feelings. In reality, you may well find this completely different. Feelings of jealousy and insecurity are likely to creep in if you feel anything emotionally for your boyfriend. You won't be able to "direct" what happens, like you can in your fantasies.
How will you feel if your boyfriend looks to be really "into" this other female? Will you trust that he is not seeing her behind your back?
You sound like you are testing the boundaries of your boyfriend's attraction to you. Is this something you tend to do? A sort of "prove how much you love me" thing? If so, perhaps that is what you need to address.
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A
male
reader, HaniP  +, writes (26 January 2018):
I have to agree. I actually think you're not ready for a marital relationship. Remember, he's probably been there and did that before you even attended middle school, whereas you are only now spreading your wings. Is this really about him or the inner you? If the thought of him entering her, releasing in her, wanting her and only her in that moment (or from that moment on) arouses you then there's not much hope for a future relationship. You will want more. So, regardless of if you tell him or not, you will fck it up some other way. Understand you first.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 January 2018):
 Adding more people to the bedroom is usually the beginning of the end.
Some fantasies are MUCH better kept in your head.
Personally? I would be offended if my husband had suggested this (before marriage) and I would NOT have married him. While I "get" the fantasy you are building, reality is NOT as sexy as you picture it. What it... she has a better body than yours? tighter, moans louder, have more in common with him, or screws better than you... do you really think it would just be a one time deal? And that YOU would always be included as the spectator?
However, IF you REALLY think you can handle the outcome, you should do it now before you two get married. Because who knows, HE might not WANT to be married to someone who doesn't believe in exclusivity and you might realize AFTER the fact just how HUGE a mistake this was. If you really want to screw up your relationship - KEEP going....
Don't forget, OP
THIS is something you CAN NOT take back. Once done, can't be undone.
Maybe instead ROLE PLAY some "strangers in the night" scenarios?
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