A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex broke up with me through email in August to reunite with his former girlfriend in another country (I had no knowledge of her existence until he mentioned her in the email as the reason for leaving me). He dumped me in August this year and left for London.Shortly after the breakup, I found out I was pregnant with his baby and I had an abortion without telling him (we didn't contact each other since the breakup). He doesn't even know that I was pregnant.At the time, I didn't involve him in the decision because he's already out of the picture and out of the country and I didn't think he'd want to have anything to do with me whether I was pregnant or not.I feel depressed and guilty about what I did. I still don't think I should tell him about the abortion because I've already aborted his baby but I feel very heavy in my heart. Even if I did tell him, it would be by email and I wouldn't care if he responded because there is no appropriate response to this matter, but something is telling me that he ought to know.
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (10 October 2011):
 If you really hate him, tell him.
If you don't, don't tell him.
It will be a horrible truth for him, as he had absolutely no knowledge of what was happening, and no say - you should of course have told him you were pregnant and let him be part of any decision, because the child was not just yours to abort or otherwise. But you did it in a moment of despair, I guess.
You need counselling. Don't go to him. He can't do anything now.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (5 October 2011):
 What would be the purpose of telling him? To have him share your sorrow over the termination of the pregnancy? To hurt or wound him in some way? I think the key is to work out WHY you feel the need to tell him. Is it for informational purposes or revenge purposes or for contrition/forgiveness purposes?
Based on the current situation, I'd probably choose not to tell him and seek counseling to help get over the feelings.
Best wishes to you. It does sound like you made the right decision for you at the time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2011): you have absolutely no reason to tell him, nor feel guilty about it.Accept that you were not ready to be a Mother. You were alone and unsupported. And you had a safe professionally monitored medical procedure. Due to the GUILT (unjustified) heaped on women over abortion girls receive completely unacceptable messages criticizing them when it should and IS a completely private matter. That you do not need to share with anyone. If the guilt has already taken hold then please get some more counselling, additional to the supportive counselling that you should have received at the time you had this medical procedure.The wicked and cruel judgemental people who dare to try to make a girl feel guilty for having an abortion should put their energy into addressing child abuse after an unwanted child is abused by bad people. Yes that happens far more than people will admitand is Far more harmful long term than an abortion.If men could get pregnant they would ridicule anyone for daring to try to prevent them from having an abortion. Your relationship with the man who made you pregnant was clearly not meant to be. When your life is more settled and you are in a loving stable relationship you will enjoy having children. But this time it was ot meant to be. The time and circumstances were not right. Accept this is the truth. You have done nothing wrong. You have nothing to be ashamed about. Allow forgiveness to fill your heart. Anyone who tries to inflict any negative feelings on you clearly has their own negative agenda. Ignore them, for they have the problem. You do not have any problem that needs the attention of these guilt mongerers. And no, you ex does not need to be told. You have no way of knowing what he will do with the information. he made his choice too as he was not ready to settle down with you. Better that you both discovered you was not meant to be a long tern relation. your time to be a mother will happen when you are truly ready and in the meantime please start taking the contraceptive pill until you are ready to be a Mother.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2011): I don't think you should tell him, what good would it do? There is nothing that can be done about it now, and it can only achieve hurting him and relieving your guilt. Try finding a professional to talk to, and work on your feelings. That is my advice anyway, I'm sorry that you were in this position and I wish you all the best. Take care of yourself.
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A
female
reader, neomum +, writes (5 October 2011):
I'm sorry that you had to abort your baby but you did the right thing for you I don't think it is worth tell your ex that you were pregnant as he already left you for his other girlfriend. By telling him now it will only hurt you more, have you seen someone like your doctor about how you feel about the abortion, good luck and don't forget you did the right thing.
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