A
male
age
30-35,
*alinew
writes:I think this is more of a venting kind of thing to express my thoughts, but advice is also great. Sorry this is very long, but if you have the time to read it and comment that would be great =)So I asked a question awhile ago about this break up I had (http://www.dearcupid.org/question/are-we-still-together.html that's the details of the breakup.)So now here I am again asking about the same girl. It’s been about two years since that happened, and we're now really close friends, however we're getting "closer" now. I normally wouldn't have an issue with this as I still love her and my overall emotional outlook has not changed if anything I think it's gotten stronger. The problem is she has a boyfriend, which is another story for another time altogether. First off, I was talking to her when I was organizing my classes and I mentioned I needed one more class for a full schedule, and instantly she said "take my art history class with me!!" so I did, but and u have to believe this is coincidence, our Monday Wednesday schedules are basically the exact same times, but not same classes, so we're spending a lot of time hanging out with each other.Anyways we've been talking about a lot of really personal stuff lately, and she said the other day "we haven't talked like this in a long time." I responded by saying something like I know it's been awhile. Then she said "yeah it has, it was a lot of fun." which I assume is saying the personal conversations we used to have were fun. I’ll admit right now that I’m enjoying it as well. so as time has been progressing I feel like we're getting close like we were when we were dating i.e. she's been stressed and I’ve been comforting her by hugging her and what not like a normal person would do (at least that's what I assume). We had a talk about how comfortable we are around each other and we both concluded that we're probably the most comfortable around each other and that we're always happy in each other’s company. I’ve been told multiple times that I’m a best friend to her, which is maybe more true than I think it is. But lately she's been complimenting my appearance a lot more, saying things like you look really nice or you look really good today, which she NEVER said when we were dating. Additionally I think she’s finding excuses to get closer to me like showing me pictures or videos on her phone. Instead of blocking the other half of the benches at tables she puts her stuff where I’m planning on sitting like she’s reading my mind so my only option is to sit next to her. So all of these signs of her being extremely close to me are slowly getting confusing and I can't tell if she’s trying to suggest something, or if I’m just looking too far into it. The way we talk and the way we act towards each other are not what I see as friendly things, it seems to me like there's more to it.This is all because of something that happened yesterday. So yesterday I bought her donuts before class like I used to, just two one for me and one for her, and I got her favorite because I’m not an idiot and I remembered what it was. So we shared breakfast basically. but before that I blew off my class to go hang out with her because I really didn’t want to go, and she kind of had a rough end of the weekend, although I don't think she knows I know what happened. So we're hanging out sitting next to each other and again she gets really close to me showing me these videos she recorded of her new cat. when the time came we said our cyas and peace outs and went to our class. nothing really happened in between our break except I bought her a drink for us to share which is pretty standard so I didn't dig too deep into that. but her class was canceled, and since I had all my work finished for my class that was at that time I asked my teacher if I could just leave and she said it was fine, so I hung out with her through that whole time until our art history class. during that time we worked on our homework, but I didn't realize till now that I moved all the computer stuff (we were in the tech mall) to the opposite of her, and she moved her stuff to the opposite of me. While we were working she kept tapping my feet with her feet like it was nothing, and I obviously noticed but I paid no mind to it because I kind of liked it. Then once we finished our homework we went to see if we could get something to eat. but while I was waiting for her to decide on something I noticed that she buckled her leg and was leaning on me so I said questioningly "are you leaning on me?" and she quickly said no and stood straight again. So eventually we got our food I paid like usual and we sat down next to each other and started eating.After we were done eating we went to where our class was to wait, and we listened to music on her lap top till its battery died. where we were waiting were a couple of our friends, one of them a couple and they had been making out and doing those sorts of things, as soon as they left she said "that was awkward" and this is because she doesn't like couples acting like that in public, so I said "next time they do that we need to beat them it's a competition, it'll be completely platonic and there will be no feeling we just have to beat them." and she said basically oh you... and laughed at my joke, cause that my kind of humor.then during class I got into a really sour mood and during her class she asked me if something was wrong and I told her, yes but it’s something I can't tell you because I don't know what it would do. I was referring to telling her all of my feelings about her, and that I don’t know what it would do to our friendship, and per my hope potential relationship. Then on our second break she seemed down so I asked her what was wrong, and she said she was just a little stressed. so I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her close to me to comfort her but also because I was dying to do that pretty much all day in a more romantic way even if it wasn't seen like that. Then see asked what was bothering me and I said nothing much just someone invading my personal space, referring to her boyfriend, but she looked up at me wide-eyed and said "is it me?" and I said "if it was you why would I pull you closer to me. *pause* but to be honest I did it because I’m cold." and we both smiled at each other and went back to classThen after class I walked her to her car which I do every time I say goodbye, but we started talking. and again she asked me if everything was okay, and I said something like, it's just something I really want to tell you, but I don't think I can (referring to how I feel about her) I’ve wanted to say this for almost a year now but I just don't think it's a good idea. It would alleviate my stress right now but I think the long term consequences are something that I don't want, so I’ll deviate by talking about dreams instead. And I told her about every dream I’ve had about her, and most of them were how we were together in some way. Then she told me some of her dreams, but she doesn’t dream about people often, whereas I do (and not just her) so they were just normal dreams. And I said, yeah it's pretty crazy, "I think about you even when I’m sleeping, now that's dedication" and she laughed. The last thing I asked her, was if she worries about me, she said “I don’t worry about you all the time, if that’s what you’re asking.” So I asked but when do you? And she said “when I know you aren’t acting normal, because I know how you are and I know all your mannerisms, so it worries me to not know what you’re thinking about when you’re like that. But I can’t worry about what it is cause I don’t know what it is so I just worry about you.” After that we said our goodbyes and hugged and she left, but before she left she gave me a very sincere, take it easy.that story aside lately she's been saying good morning and goodnight to me more frequently than she has in the past two years, and I just don't know if I’m reading way too far into this because of my deep hopes that something will happen, or if it's just her casual behavior. Lastly my friend was telling me about her experiences and she said "girls don't just keep ex's around to be best friends, there's still something there her boyfriend right now is just a space holder." and it’s not that I think she treats her boyfriend badly, I just think I have a much higher standing than him, but that just might be an ego. so that really has been buggin me too, even if it isn't trueso i guess im saying, what do you guys think?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, salinew +, writes (5 October 2011):
salinew is verified as being by the original poster of the question i mean i could do that, but i'm afraid of the backlash it could cause, as i've mentioned. i really want to tell her everything but at the same time i'm not sure, so it's confusing me greatly.additionally can i just straight ask her if she has feelings for me, i don't think i can do that as much as i want to either. i think it's harder for me to say anything, but i also almost think she's expecting me to say something, almost like a "finally took you long enough" kind of thing. then again if im completely wrong i just poured my heart out to one of my best friends, just to stay friends and i don't know what that would do to the friendship.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 October 2011):
 I honestly think that you need to tell her how you are feeling. Communication is key here and she deserves to know the truth so that she knows her options. It does sound like the both of you have gotten very close again, but it is hard to tell what she is thinking and if she wants more. It is obvious that she still cares a lot about you and am sure there are still some feelings there, but she has a boyfriend at the moment which just confuses things completely. So therefore if I were you I would just sit her down and tell her how you feel and see how she responds.
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