A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Here's my angry little story. My ex and I have been broken up for a little over three months now, and I was deeply in love with her. We were in a long distance relationship and saw each other about once or twice every two months. And we were dating for about a year. We haven't communicated that much throughout the time we broke up. Maybe one or two conversations over the internet that lasted 5 mins each. They were never initiated by me but I did my best to keep them brief.I do know that she has a new boyfriend and started dating him fairly recently after we broke up. And I guess they've been dating for roughly three months now. We pretty much cut each other out of our own separate lives. Like we can't see each other on Facebook or MSN messenger. However we did keep each other as a Skype contact and that always remained untouched. That's probably the only program that we have that still keeps us together in touch. We broke up because she thought we were on different paths in life and that we were just different people even though I told her that I would want to move closer to her. And I believed that to be the real reason for us breaking up. But when she started dating this new guy almost instantly I just couldn't believe the reasons that she told me as the real reasons. It's obvious she was attracted to this person even when she was with me. Today I just noticed that she deleted me from her contacts on Skype. This has angered me a little because she wanted to stay friends and I was okay with that but I just needed some space and time and she knew that. That's why I've tried my best to keep contact to a minimum. And I always believed that after some time has passed I could eventually tell her how much pain and suffering she's put me through. And to tell her that when she dated almost immediately after ending things with me it was a huge sign of disrespect for what we had. But after her doing this and cutting me out of the last program that manages to keep any hope of future contact with her, there's a good chance that we'll never talk or see each other again. And it's just so unfair to me that I've been giving her patience and space and she just once again emotionally smacks me in the face., like I never mattered.So I was wondering, since I still do have her email but I never use it, should I just tell everything about how I feel? Since the way I see it now is that there's almost no chance of us getting back together and I don't want to keep feeling this bitter and angry. The only remedy that I see for me right now is to just tell her how angry she's made me. I've tried my best at NC but it's just not working. I feel like if I don't tell her this then I'm just never going to heal. I mean it's been over three months and I'm still not better just bitter.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 December 2010):
 There are 5 stages of grief you go through after a loss , ( it does not need to be a death, - also the end of a relationship is a loss ). Anger is stage 2, - it does not go away overnight. And it WON'T go on the rest of your life, unless you make it so. It's good that you want to create your own healing, but- don't freak out , don't be impatient.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ Cindycares
I don't plan to accomplish anything with her except to make myself feel better. I've done the letter thing at least once a month but I always have these feelings resurface. I've kept myself busy and did stuff like exercise but I just can't get these angry and bitter feelings to go away. I'm definitely not pining for her i'm just angry at this whole messy situation that she's put me through. It's not fair that I'm the one who has to repress these feelings and feel like crap all day, while she's all happy. It feels like these feelings are what's actually keeping me from moving on. And I can't allow this to happen anymore.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ Mifbla
Thanks for your advice, yea it just doesn't feel right not telling her about this. It's been over three months now and I'm still burned by the pain of what she did.
@ OP
I really wouldn't like to waste anymore time on her but the problem is that for the past three months I've thought about this whole situation for every minute of every day and it's killing me. It's not fair that I'm living in pain while she's happy. And all this stems from the fact that I haven't told her about the pain that she has caused me. Some people can choose to ignore this but for my personal well being I don't see how I can ever be a healthy person if this continues to be on my shoulder for the rest of my life. I would rather just settle this now and be done with it then go on another three months feeling pain, misery and bitterness.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (12 December 2010):
What would you accomplish ?
She has moved on and she is dating another guy, do you think she would particularly care if you feel angry ? Improbable.
What would you like to happen after your message ? Would you like to receive her hearfelt apologies ? Improbable too. Technically ( and surely from her point of view )she has not done anything wrong. You were broken up when she took up with the other guy and while I totally agree she should have shown more sensitivity to an ex, ...she is not obliged to share this opinion. Once you are broken up, you are broken up.
All you'd accomplish would be giving her the satisfaction to know you are still pining for her. And getting stuck in the past. You can't ever really move on until you keep looking back.
If you really feel you must vent your bitterness or you'll explode, write her a long, detailed, venomous letter. Put on paper all your negative thoughts.
Then, DON'T send it. Just rip it into pieces. And move on !
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): Don't you think your time shouldn't be squandered away trampling down a tramp who doesn't know tact?
Put your energy and thoughts into a lady who you'd be proud to introduce to your family.
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A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (12 December 2010):
 do what feels right. if itll help u go for it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't really push her away, like I was never rude or anything and I never made it seem like I was eager to talk to her. I just talked to her normally. And after the breakup I gave her as much space that people require right after a breakup.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): Did you push him away from you? If yes, he only did what you forced him to do.
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A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (12 December 2010):
It wont do anything but make you feel better. some people will tell you to just move on but if that hasnt worked Id just send her a message and let that be the end of it. Good luck Ps. You do matter
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