A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had sex with my boyfriend's brother. I know it was the worst way to cheat and I'm so scared of anyone finding out. I live with my bf but he's away a lot for his work (on a boat out at sea). His brother does the same kind of work (on a different boat) so I can't talk to either of them (no phone service). The brother broke up with his gf less than three hours prior and she's become a really close friend, especially in the last couple of days (mostly because both our boyfriends are gone). I feel so guilty; I can't eat, can't sleep, and I keep having these fits of shaking uncontrollably.One of his friends came to my house while we were in the bedroom and figured it was the brother with his gf. I'm praying he's too stupid to figure out that it was me in the bedroom and that she left earlier. The other thing is the brother hasn't called her and usually we get calls at least once a day or every other day. I'm scared he's really over her and really into me. We've had crazy sexual tension since we met two years ago and he's always told me how awesome I am. Of course now I just feel like a cheap dirty whore- no awesomeness here! I don't know what to do. Do I tell the bf or just breakup with him for "no reason"? Do I tell the ex-gf? Do I pursue this thing with his brother? Probably not. Do I pretend nothing ever happened, like I'm trying to do?
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female
reader, Cherulee +, writes (9 July 2008):
Yes, that's a whole other ball game, that would be the right thing to do, no matter what the outcome due to the circumstance. All you are able to do at this point is be honest, especially when there may be health issues and a possibility of spreading it further.
It's a tough situation all the way around, but it sounds like you do want to do the right thing. All you can do at this point is to be honest, sypathetic and apologise. Much better that sticking your head in sand like an ostrich. The problem won't go away, it could get bigger and people could get hurt. Finding out things thru the grapevine or confuseing the situation could put your character at further risk.
I would still appreciate the honesty even though it is upsetting. Deep down I would respect that at least. That's a good start to reparing the situation. In the end no one will be happy, but probably thankful you told the truth at this point, takes courage to do the right thing. You can't turn back time, but you can head off further problems and end it there. Get more advise in how to go about it, don't wait too long. Good Luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): So if I'm going to be REALLY honest, I have an STD and we did not use a condom. I'm so scared he'll get it and then his ex-gf will too and then everyone will know that me and my bf and his brother and his brother's gf all have it. The brother and I didn't exactly sit and talk about these kinds of things when our morale was going out the window... I have to tell him right???
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A
female
reader, Cherulee +, writes (8 July 2008):
That's a tough one. I have two sons close at age and worry that some girl will come between them since they have the same friends. I have told them both, don't let anyone ever come between your love for each other. I would be devastated as a mother. So you have to consider the long term effects and their relationship. Once you are gone out of the picture the damage could continue. The brother has alot of responsibility here as well, It wasn't just you. I suggest not saying anything to your current BF and talk with the brother you slept with and your concerns for their relationship. It's good to know you have a conceince and that it bothers you. We all make mistakes in life and you have admitted it to yourself that's a possitive even if it doesn't feel good. We all get lonely. Time will heal your actions and make you wiser. Get more advise and opinions to help you in your decision. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): At least let your BF know before breaking it off with him. He will probably be upset and even frustrated, but at least he won't be confused and think he still has a shot with you if he doesn't. This can also help to clear your mind that at least he knows the truth and you're not hiding something. DON'T pursue his brother because that can cause tension between your current BF and his brother (especially if you decide to tell your BF).
Everyone makes mistakes, remember that. Do not cause yourself serious harm by not eating and sleeping because that can result in serious problems.
Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): I totally agree with RCN. You have to come clean to your bf, because if his brother says anything before you then it will make the situation worse. It will be hard to tell him, but you have to so it. Do not pursue anything with his brother as it could make rivalry between them. The guilt will mount on you if you don't say anything and your bf will figure there's something wrong with you.
Just sit him down and be supportive and just carefully explain what happened between you two.
Good Luck.
P.S. there could be an ounce of chance that he would stay with you if you're being honest, but don't get your hopes off. AND don't tell his ex gf as hearing it from someone else suggests you don't trust him.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (8 July 2008):
 As long as you pretend nothing happened, the guilt will continue to increase. It's a hard situation to face, but I believe you need to come clean to him. I don't think you should persue anything with the brother. I know it's going to be difficult, but what needs to be done isn't always easy.
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