A
female
age
30-35,
*orryididwrong101
writes:I am 20 years old the other night my bestfriends boyfiend Matt called me wanted to know if i wanted to come over to his and my bestfriend Dawns apartment. He told me she would be home in about 15 to 20 mins. so i agreed. well to make a long story short she didn't get in till about 3am (i got there around 8pm)and she found us asleep in there bed. we told her nothing happened well he did i just agreeed. i feel really wrong and dissapointed in myself for having sex with matt and hurting dawn. but to make thing worst i liked matt for over 8 years now and dawns brother zac is my x boyfriend the father to my child and matts bestfriend. should i tell her? i don't want to hurt her or lose her as a friend but i feel wrong and if matt cheated on her with me who says he won't do it again with someone else.
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male
reader, rrated +, writes (3 November 2009):
just tell her the trut
A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (1 November 2009):
 I really dont know how people make their lives so complicated to be quite honest.
Ok, you have been with your bestfriends boyfriend. I realise you said you have liked him for 8 years so I am sure the temptation factor was huge.
You have 2 options.
1)Keep your mouth shut. This would mean that she wont know and you and her could continue being friends, atleast in her mind, but frankly its a shit friendship on your part. It would mean you know something about her partner that could ultimately affect her emotional as well as physical health.
You could try to resist future advances or keep yourself from putting yourself in those positions, but if she ever caught him with another woman, could you handle being the hypocritical shoulder to cry on for your friend?
If he has the capacity to cheat on her once with you(and more times if you cant resist) he will do it again putting her in a place where she can get hurt by him either emotionally or through and STD. Dont be fooled either. If you continue to have an affair with this guy you guys will eventually get caught. I also think he now sees you as an easy lay. You have as much to lose as he does. Prepare to be a booty call.
2)Tell her. Sure you will lose his interest and you will get the wrath of your friend, but you will ultimately save her the hassle of being with someone who really doesn't give two shits about her. This is a personal redemption path. If the guilt is eating at you the tuth will set you free. Possibly, maybe, she may forgive you which means you can start your friendship again from scratch.
Maybe she may forgive him, but at least it will be on her head rather than yours. She may never forgive you. In which case you will just have to take your penance. You did sleep with her boyfriend after all.
This all depends on how much you value her as a person and as a friend because currently it doesn't look like you dont value her much at all. Actions speak louder than words.
HonningKanin
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): I really think you should tell your bestfriend because the longer you wait the worse the outcome is going to be. I've been going out with my bestfriend ex for a year and nine months now and me and my bestfriend relationship hasn't been right since. Because I waited a long time to tell her and people are still looking at me bad for dating him
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): wow..... all that....
have you been asked to be on Jerry Springer yet?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): You know what the RIGHT thing is. You cant be a friend at all and he is not a true boyfriend. Be honest and let her move on in life without you two in it. Jealousy is a curse.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (1 November 2009):
 You have damaged your friendship with this girl by betraying her. I think the decent thing would be to tell her before he sleeps with someone else and puts her at risk of infections etc. He is a rat but you have to seriously question your friendship with this girl too. She will be angry but maybe she already suspects he is a lousy boyfriend. No doubt she will not want to speak to you for a while but if it makes her leave the relationship to find someone who isn't a cheat then you will be doing her a favour in the long run, even if she is not willing to see that right now.
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A
female
reader, sorryididwrong101 +, writes (1 November 2009):
sorryididwrong101 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you i'm going to tell her today when she picks me up for work.wish me luck.
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A
female
reader, PixiePie +, writes (1 November 2009):
 Girl, Honesty is the best policy
i know its not pleasant but you have to do it, you had the balls to do it in the first place you gotta deal with the consequences. chances are she's more likely to hate her cheater boyfriend rather than you.
hiding and keeping secrets only makes it worse in the long run
good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): Soon or later she is going to find out, I think you need to tell her.
Put yourself in her shoes, would you want your friend to keep it to themselves ?
Do you really want this man (matt) to continue being in a relationship with your friend and lying to her ?
The longer this is kept from her the worse it will be when she finds out.
There is probably a good chance that she already thinks you two slept together anyway,so you might as well sit her down and tell her because she most likly won;t hear it from her boyfriend.
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A
male
reader, the bear +, writes (1 November 2009):
Of course he's cheated before and she knows it! Do NOT tell her anything about your having sex with her bf. And it would be best for all to never ever put yourself in a position like that. Of course, I hope you liked it! But, come on, no more!
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